COVERT NARCISSISM – PART I – Traits of Covert Narcissists

Covert Narcissism is possibly one of the most insidious mental health issues impacting interpersonal relationships at work and in the home. It has been recognized by the mental health community, but has not been widely published in mainstream media.

In brief, Covert Narcissism is a subtype of Overt or Grandiose Narcissism. Many may recognize Overt Narcissism, which is usually associated with extroverted behavior, is typically self-important in their demeanor, has a constant need for attention, and is abusive in their interpersonal relationships.

Covert (or Vulnerable) Narcissism has similar behaviors to Overt Narcissism, but lacks the extroverted/arrogant behavior. In fact, a Covert Narcissist projects themselves as a victim to others, while targeting another person. The Covert Narcissist uses manipulation and passive-aggressive behavior to control a person (spouse, children, friend, or coworker).

The target of their manipulation and control is usually someone susceptible to the Covert Narcissist’s tactics, leading to an inability to become independent of the abuse. If the Covert Narcissist feels they are losing control over their target, they can become aggressive and vindictive toward the person. The target often relents and falls deeper under their control.

Traits of the Covert Narcissist

According to my research, Overt Narcissists tend to display their behavior openly and may or may not target any particular person. Covert Narcissists are:

• More subtle in their manipulation of others than Overt Narcissists.
• Tend to target an individual, often a person close to them, who is susceptible to their abuse.
• Use passive-aggressive behavior, humiliation, and sometimes vindictiveness to control the individual.

According to the mental health website EnneagramTest.com, traits of a Covert Narcissist include:

• Dominantly introverted but seemingly kind.
• Seeks attention by playing victim.
• A vengeful and passive-aggressive response to criticism.
• Hypocrisy.
• Subtle emotional manipulation (guilt, humiliation, etc.)
• Passive superiority.
• Quiet envy.
• Holds grudges.
• Latent competitiveness.

Other sources note additional traits:

• Deep insecurity and self-doubt.
• Self-doubt.
• Constant need for reassurance.
• Uses manipulation rather than direct communication.
• Poor listening skills (of their target).
• Quiet self-centeredness.
• Experts at gaslighting and lying.

They also point out that the behaviors of a Covert Narcissist are not easy to identify. They can be charming and intelligent to those they respect or from whom they seek approval. The Covert Narcissist’s behavior is usually targeted at those whom they intentionally or instinctively know to be susceptible to their control. In counseling, they may convincingly mask, deflect, or lie about their behavior toward their target(s) and try to control the narrative by positioning themselves as the victim.

NEXT:  What Causes Covert Narcissism?