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co-dependency, Covert Narcissism, covert narcissist, dysfunctional relationships, gaslighting, marriage, Mental Health, Narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic rage, parenting, psychology, Relationships
COVERT NARCISSISM – PART II – Causes of Covert Narcissism
One of the primary behaviors of a Covert Narcissist (CN) is the need to control others. Typically, people in their inner circle through manipulation and passive-aggressive acts. The question is what causes a person to be a Narcissist?
What Causes Narcissism?
Kirk Tjalas, F.N.P. of Priority Medical Group, LLC, summarized the current thinking on the root causes of narcissism. As with most personality disorders, the root causes are difficult to determine, but there are three areas normally accepted as origins of personality dysfunction. They are:
Childhood Experiences
Childhood trauma is a major influence on persistent adult behavior, but a narcissist may be responding to issues of mild parental neglect. Parents who fail to comfort and nurture a child may trigger a compensation mechanism to demand attention, validation, and control. Some suggest the opposite; excessive praise or attention may teach the child to expect the same from all others.
Genetics and Biology
Brain structure may also play a role. Research has found a link between narcissism and the areas of the brain that are related to empathy and emotional control.
Social and Cultural Influences
Social and cultural influences may explain the behavior of some narcissists. Environmental stress may cause narcissistic behaviors as a coping mechanism.
A Target, Not a Victim
A person who is the subject of a Covert Narcissist’s behavior is not a victim. They are a target; however, as a target, they usually are vulnerable to being abused by the covert narcissist. Most functional adults, raised in a nominal environment, would likely spot the abusive behaviors and remove themselves from the relationship.
But the “target” of a Covert Narcissist seems to be aware of the abuse and fails to react to it appropriately. It is likely that the target seeks the attention, or requires the relationship. This may be a co-dependency issue, or simply a lack of self-worth. The possible causes of covert narcissistic behavior may also be causes for a target of a CN.
Childhood experiences create an obvious link. Every child is born to be a primary narcissist because they seek to have their needs as a matter of survival. Empathy seems to be largely a learned behavior that we obtain from our role models.
“Parenting styles play a significant role in the development of narcissistic traits. Children who are overly praised and made to feel superior to others may develop a sense of entitlement, leading to narcissistic behavior. Conversely, children who are neglected or criticized may develop narcissistic traits as a defense mechanism, seeking validation from others to compensate for their lack of self-worth (Van Schie, 2020).”
Kirk Tjalas, F.N.P. of Priority Medical Group, LLC
Childhood Dysfunction
In 1971, Heinz Kohut proposed a theory that the root cause of the dysfunctional behaviors of narcissists stemmed from parents and other role models failing to provide the experiences that create the foundation of empathy in a child. He argued that a lack of empathic role modeling would leave deficits in children, who would compensate for those deficits by engaging in abusive behavior in interpersonal relationships.
Interestingly, those deficits can also lead a child to overcompensate, becoming overempathetic and putting others’ needs ahead of their own. That is the ideal target for a narcissist. A functional adult will usually reject the manipulative and controlling behavior. A dysfunctional adult can be a perfect source for a covert narcissist to manipulate and control.
We don’t know how big a role childhood experiences play in covert narcissism, or in being a target of a CV. More studies need to be done. Because a CV is inherently “covert” in their behavior, identifying them is difficult. Getting them to admit to their behavior is almost impossible.
