Mitt Romney now has been anointed by the Republican party to be their nominee for President. The crown of thorns will be placed on him in August, but the Victor of The GOP Hunger Games has been decided. To gain this ‘honor’ Romney had to become someone who was ‘seriously conservative.’ To appease the wackos in the far right he had to remake himself into a blue jeans-wear’n, women hate’n, gun-luv’n, good ole white boy. 

Now that he has completed his mission, he is absolutely unelectable as President. The Spring 2012 version of Mitt Romney has become someone everyone can hate. To women he is the symbol of the Republican desire to dominate and control them. To the middle class, he is a rich, arrogant millionaire. To the far right he is the worst best-case scenario. Despite polling data that currently puts him close to President Obama, Romney carries so much baggage that he can’t say anything without contradicting himself.

To have a chance of winning in November, the Romney image must die and be reborn. His campaign knows this and they have been planning for the Second Coming of Mitt Romney. On March 21, senior campaign adviser Eric Fehrnstrom was questioned by CNN about the problem of being too conservative in the primaries to win the moderate vote in the general election. Fehrnstrom answered with the now infamous ‘Etch-a Scetch‘ response:

“I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes,…It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up, and we start all over again.”

Romney’s campaign has obviously been constructing a ‘new’ Mitt Romney; however, the candidate cannot afford to lose the wacko right, so the Vice-President honor has to go to someone who will suck in those from the Church of Christians in Name Only. Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, and Sarah Palin are possibilities for that role. Newt Gingrich is only in the running for the position of “Most likely to be an answer on Jeopardy®” ¹

(¹In the category of Famous Hypocrites: In 2012, he ran a Presidential campaign complaining about the size of the Federal Debt, while running up a debt of almost $4.5 million himself.)

Many political analysts predict Romney’s running mate will be Hispanic, but that seems unlikely as Romney has family roots in Mexico that have yet to be exploited in his campaign. There is the issue of the reason he has family in Mexico, but there are many ways that the connection to Mexico could be made without highlighting the Mormon Polygamy Colonies from where his father, George Romney was born.

Part of Romney’s extreme makeover has to be a move back to a more moderate position on all issues. This can best be achieved by the technique of plausible denial of responsibility. In Romney’s case he needs to separate himself as the decision maker on all hot button issues. His answer to Planned Parenthood’s future? That will depend on who the people elect to Congress in 2012. On Immigration? That depends on who the people elect to Congress in 2012. On Obamacare? Well, you see the pattern. By shifting the decision to ‘the people’ he will absolve himself of appearing too moderate or too extremist.

The Next Mitt Romney will be vastly different from the one that was ‘seriously conservative;’ however, if anyone can pull off a Second Coming it will the Mr. Blue Jeans common man…I mean Mr. Suit millionaire…the destroyer of companies…uhm…the creator of jobs….I mean the Mormon from Massachusetts, Michigan, Mexico,…I mean the …oh who knows…?