[Related link, SEE:  PART 1 – Introduction]

In late November, I decided that it was time to move forward and announce the divorce. I was trying to finish up a long-term bathroom project, but I was close to being done, so I began preparing.

Post-Divorce Issues

Since I knew my spouse might exercise her authority to order me to leave the house, I felt I needed a plan for where I would go if she threw me out. At first, I was considering a local short-term room or apartment rental while the divorce was in process. It was logical, but depressing. I also planned to leave for a lower altitude for health concerns, but I felt I needed a few weeks after the divorce announcement to figure out the timing of my move. I also needed to do some scouting to decide where to move, the housing costs, and job opportunities.

Because the holidays were coming up, I didn’t really want to be around my spouse or her family, and my own family had complex holiday traditions that I didn’t want to invite myself into on short notice.

The other factor was a trip that my spouse, her mother, and our son had planned for the first week in January to Guam. When the trip was being planned, I told her that I would stay home to take care of the pets and the house. I intended to commit to that obligation, unless she told me she didn’t want me to be there.

The Plan

At the time, I was obsessing over Rotterdam in the Netherlands. [A live feed I often had up on my computer.] The idea that this might be an opportunity to spend the holidays in Europe began to appeal to me. I did some rough budget planning and decided that spending three weeks in London and Rotterdam would be feasible. I began making reservations.

With my flights set, I established a target date to announce that I would be seeking a divorce. I wanted to meet with my spouse and her mother together for the announcement, as the key reason for the divorce revolved around actions that they both had taken.

I learned from my first divorce that I needed to keep access to personal items, important documents, and items of sentimental value before I announced the divorce. I secured a storage space and quietly moved most of those items out. I left my tools, some clothes, and major personal items. I assumed we would negotiate the rest of the household goods after the announcement.

D-Day

December 5th was the date that everything seemed to converge on, and as it happened, my spouse was going to her mother’s late that afternoon to pick up our dog, who had a playdate with my mother-in-law’s dog. I met them there.

The discussion was relatively calm. They both listened, and afterward we discussed the situation and moving forward. I told them of my plan for the holidays and said that I would be back to take care of the pets in January. My spouse thanked me for the consideration. She was upset that I had been planning the divorce for over a year. That would become her focus: blaming me for the divorce, rather than the house ownership issue.

My mother-in-law stated that when she put my spouse’s name on the house title, she had told her daughter that it wouldn’t be too complicated to add mine. My spouse allegedly responded, “If I do that, he will sell the house and move back to Colorado.”

Agreement and Conditions

My spouse agreed to the divorce and asked for two things. First, she wanted to negotiate the settlement without lawyers to minimize the cost. Second, she asked that she be given time to focus on the holidays before we moved forward on the divorce. I agreed to both.

At this point, it appeared that we would be able to work together and reach a fair settlement. We both decided to meet back at home for dinner and tell our 20-year-old son.

Upon learning of the divorce, he was upset that I didn’t tell him that I had been considering a divorce. I explained that I could not tell him and then ask him to keep it secret from his mother for a year. The discussion was difficult, but civil.

Over the next few days, I prepared to leave for Denver, where I would fly to London. I packed and finished up a few things. I decided to begin my road trip a day early to avoid a storm.

The London/Rotterdam Trip

I have made many decisions in my life, but among the best decisions I’ve made was the trip to Europe for the holidays.

It allowed me to remember who I was as an individual. It also avoided putting stress on the family and me during the holiday season following the divorce announcement.

I had felt that I was in and out of depression for most of the last five years or more of the marriage. In London, I sensed a great emotional weight lift off me. It was exactly where I needed to be. My time in Rotterdam did not disappoint either.

During this time, I did not attempt to call my spouse, choosing to give her time and space to enjoy the holidays with her family. She called me once.

The Birthday Surprise

While in Rotterdam, I did receive a call from our son. It was on my birthday, and he was calling to let me know that his mother had leased him a new car. He was very excited. I reciprocated his excitement; however, I knew why she did it.

We had never discussed purchasing or leasing a new car for our son. He had a truck that was given to him by his grandmother when he began driving. This car was a bribe to him and a slap in my face. I couldn’t protest her making a major unilateral financial decision without putting our son in the middle of it. This stunt would be the beginning of many inappropriate actions by her over the next few months.

The Return Home

After three weeks, I returned home. They left for Guam a few days later. I settled back into life, expecting that upon her return, we would begin moving forward on the divorce. She had a different plan.

 

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 3 – January 2026

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person. While I try to use credible sources to support my discussion, I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice, and, as always, seek mental health support from a licensed counselor.]