[Related link, SEE:  PART 7 – May 2026]

Cassie-In-Charge

Summer brought little forward movement in the divorce action. Cassie, however, followed the behavior pattern I experienced throughout our marriage: making unilateral decisions without informing or consulting me. She also gave me prescriptive demands about our joint checking account. It was a Cassie-in-charge summer.

Our Joint Accounts

As it has been explained to me, once a divorce action has been made, neither spouse can make major changes to the material and financial resources of the marriage. Joint accounts must remain joint accounts, and the amount and flow of money are not to be significantly changed without the Court’s approval. I’ve also been told that if a household has one wage earner, the money earned is considered to be divided equally between the married couple.

My commitment to that was to rely on my Social Security savings in my personal accounts. Except for the reload on my Starbucks card, I made almost no other charges to our joint checking account, even after Cassie and her attorney barred me from returning home. My expenses increased dramatically, but I didn’t use the joint account to survive.

Spending Spree

In December, January, and February, Cassie spent over $23,000 out of our joint checking account. She moved some money from her personal IRA account to cover some of the spending; however, $13,000 of that spending drained most of our joint checking account.

The graph below shows Cassie’s monthly spending in dark blue, the deposits minus auto deductions (utility bills, subscriptions, etc.) in orange, and my spending in dark green. With a couple of exceptions, I did not spend any money from our joint checking for my Europe trip in December, nor after I left for my scouting trip in February.

Cassie stopped the direct deposit of her paycheck in April. She did deposit money to avoid the auto deductions from causing an overdraft. Still, her tactic effectively removed my access to our joint account without gaining approval of the Court.

The graph below shows our joint checking account daily balances. After I was told I couldn’t return home, Cassie aggressively cut off my access to our money.

Cassie’s spending included a $6,000 down payment on a sports car lease for our son, plus registration ($550+), plus the increased monthly costs for the lease ($500+), insurance ($350+), a $2,000 gift to her church, and a $7,500 retaining fee for her attorney.

Gutting the Savings Account

Besides transferring out $1,000 from our joint savings account in December, Cassie began transferring more money to the joint checking account to pay for established monthly payments that were no longer covered by her directly deposited paycheck. In May, June, and July, she drained over $2000 out of that account.

Running Up Debt

Cassie also followed her pattern of running up our debt in May, June, and July. During our marriage, she would load up credit cards with debt to pay for our vacations, trips, and various expenses. She would then only pay the minimum payment. Often her mother would reimburse her for many of the expenses, and she would deposit the checks, but not apply them to the credit card balance.

On a credit card that she opened in October 2025, Cassie ran the debt up to over $15,000. The balance on that card has doubled since January.

I do not like using credit cards that aren’t paid off as quickly as possible. I do not believe I have made a single credit card charge in over a year; rather, I have continued to use debit cards from my personal checking accounts.

Missing Mail

When I lost access to our home, I lost all access to my mail. Even though I told Cassie in March where she could forward my mail, she continued to hold it. Finally, in early June, she sent me 11 pieces of mail. Since then, she has not sent any more. Over 80 pieces of mail have come to our home for me since I left. Admittedly, most of those are junk mail; however, all my mail should have been forwarded to me.

Missing Personal Property

Cassie’s court filings have falsely claimed that I moved out all my possessions before I left in early February. This is probably an attempt to claim that all property in the house is, by default, hers. Both Cassie and her attorney know that the statements they made in those filings are untrue, since they were asking me in late February to return to pick up the rest of my belongings.

The End of Legal Representation

As Summer has wound down, so have my financial resources. In July, I had to let go of my attorney. It was not a choice I made lightly; however, I have now incurred over $10,000 in legal fees, and, if I continued my legal counsel, that amount would increase by an estimated $4,000 to $7,000 over the next few weeks.

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 9 – Epilogue

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]

[Related link, SEE:  PART 6 – April 2026]

First Conference

In Washoe County, the 2nd District Court establishes a First Conference between the parties and their attorneys. I had been waiting for five months for the divorce to move forward. When Cassie and her attorney continued to stall, I filed in early March. Our First Conference was scheduled for 12 May. The purpose of this was to bring the parties together to establish temporary orders, if needed, and to plan how the divorce proceedings would be handled. A Settlement Conference would be scheduled at this time to bring the parties together for final (hopefully) negotiations.

Before the First Conference, both parties file statements of the issues in the case. In a case with no minor children, the focus should be on the division of financial accounts and property. Cassie’s attorney didn’t see it that way. She continued making personal attacks and mischaracterizations of my actions from her March and April filings.

Her first filing of May was a Motion to Strike. It was an argument that I should be required to pay for everything (attorney’s fees, etc.) It preceded her 5 May filing, which was largely a reiteration of her 17 March filing, and her 17 April email to my attorney.

4 May Filing – Motion to Strike

Excerpt 1

“…Paul had removed most of his personal property items from the home in the preceding days.”

I had removed personal memorabilia (archived mementos, items of childhood memories, etc.) and most of my clothes. I had NOT moved out my tools, any household items, etc.

Excerpt 2

“…Paul decided to embark on international pleasure travel, as well as pleasure travel to visit family and friends throughout the United States.”

As stated before, removing myself from Cassie and her family during the holiday season was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life; however, it was a solo trip to spend time alone. I arrived in Denver two days before my flight to London, England, in case I was delayed by weather. I stayed one night each at my daughters’ homes, then flew out. Upon return, I stayed at my daughter’s house one night and left early the next morning. There was very little time to visit.

Excerpt 3

“On December 29, 2025, Paul briefly returned to Reno to care for pets while Sara went on a previously-scheduled trip from December 31, 2025 – January 9, 2026. Paul packed his remaining personal property items and left Reno again on February 7, 2026. He communicated that he did not intend to return to the home, and he was seeking to move elsewhere within the United States, possibly to the southern U.S. where he has connections.”

Again, her attorney glosses over the fact that I was living in our marital home for five weeks (28 December to 7 February.) That would contradict that I spent all my time traveling the world for three months.

The second sentence is to give the impression that I moved out of the home completely. Both Cassie and the attorney know that I did not; however, it gave Cassie the freedom to claim the house and everything in it for herself.

The third sentence is a lie. I told Cassie my plan, and it was to scout for homes. [SEE: DWM Part 5] I did not say that I didn’t intend to return home. This seems to be a cover story to avoid revealing to the Court that they were the ones who told me I could not return home.

Excerpt 4

Cassie’s attorney referred to the 20 March email I sent regarding my return home. I told her:

As you now represent Cassie, I am informing you that I am wrapping up my trip and will be returning home soon.

In reference to that email, and my response when she told me I couldn’t return home, Cassie’s attorney stated:

“He failed to provide any date for his anticipated return, and he refused to provide details about where he had spent approx. the past two months while traveling around the world. He would not disclose his current location.”

1. This is irrelevant. I didn’t need to provide a date. It was the home I lived in for over 30 years.
2. I didn’t need to provide details of where I spent the past two months. I had given Cassie my rough itinerary, and at any time she could have called me and asked where I was at that moment.
3. I hadn’t been traveling for two months. I had been on a scouting trip for a little over two weeks.
4. Regarding the last sentence, they never asked where I was, and they could have at any time.

Excerpt 5

“When Cassie declined for Paul to return to her home, given the context of Paul planning divorce, taking off without explanation, refusing to disclose details, and wasting as-yet-undetermined amounts of money on his pleasure travel…”

Everything after. “…Paul planning the divorce…” are lies or mischaracterizations of what I said.

Excerpt 6

“Paul – who had no trouble spending untold amounts of funds on pleasure travel and spending time with friends and family – suddenly cried poverty and claimed he was in an “emergency situation.” Then, he said he had secured housing within a week. His claims were self-contradictory as well as universally self-serving. To date, Sara does not know Paul’s whereabouts, employment status, income, etc.”

1. I was very judicious in spending my money as it was all coming out of my personal Social Security savings account. None of the money came from our joint accounts.
2. I was not on pleasure travel. I was not spending time with friends and family.
3. When I was told I could not return home, I was staying in inexpensive hotels, without any prospect of permanent housing. I was in an emergency situation as I was in North Carolina and not allowed to return home.
4. I did not claim I secured housing within a week. This is complete fiction on her attorney’s part. I do not know what her source is, but it was not me.
5. Left without any option, approximately a week after my response to her email, I did, in desperation, accept my daughter’s invitation to stay at her house in Denver. By her attorney’s own statement, neither Cassie nor her attorney knew this…and yet, two sentences earlier, her statement claimed to know I had secured housing.

Excerpt 7

In my response to Cassie’s attorney’s email telling me I could not return home, she dictated to me that I should come and pick up the items that Cassie had determined I could have. She told me that I needed to tell her when I would be returning to Reno.

I gave her conditions under which I would be willing to do that. I also told her that my items were to be properly handled. Her mischaracterization of what I said was as follows:

“Additionally, Paul had the audacity to try to dictate who could/could not be present in Cassie’s home (including the Parties’ adult son, and Cassie’s brother), and to direct Cassie as to how he wished his additional items to be packed and stored for his future use. Paul coupled these demands with a threat tha the would interpret refusals as “a deliberate act to escalate the conflict.”

Her attorney spent almost a page talking about whether or not I had a right to file for a divorce in Nevada because I had not lived in the State for the six weeks immediately before filing for the divorce. She accused me of perjury.

The discussion was pointless, as:

1. She had already conceded that Cassie had been living in Nevada for the six-week period, which was the requirement.
2. I was a resident of Nevada for over thirty years and had only been absent because of the direct actions of Cassie and her attorney.
3. My only permanent residence was our marital home.
4. The cause of action for the divorce, the house ownership, was in Nevada.

5 May Filing – Charges of Purjury and Attack On My Spending

My Alleged Perjury

The statement that Cassie’s attorney filed the next day prior to the First Conference was largely a copy of the 4 May filing. She accused me of perjury by claiming to be “Homeless” when I filed my Complaint for Divorce. She continued to mischaracterize the actions that led up to the filing of the divorce, ignoring that Cassie’s and her attorney’s actions prompted me to file.

All this was an attempt to have the Court order me to pay all Cassie’s legal fees and Court costs.

My Alleged Financial Spending

She also mischaracterized the spending in my personal Social Security bank accounts. In November 2025, I created a second checking account with another banking service and moved $7,000 from one account to the other. I also purchased all my European plane and train tickets, all my lodging, and a ticket to a tourist attraction. Also, during that month, I scheduled a consultation with an attorney to discuss my situation and how I should move forward. I did not retain the attorney. All this came out to be about $11,000, with most of it the transfer of money, not spending.

Her attorney then targeted the spending of money through the States I traveled in February. She avoided mentioning that this trip was for purposes of scouting job opportunities and housing costs. She also didn’t mention that part of those costs occurred when Cassie and her attorney stranded me in North Carolina.

I also had major expenses from my personal accounts in March. Almost $8,500 was for legal fees. Over $1,000 was for a rental truck and related expenses in removing my personal items out of storage in Reno and taking them to Denver for storage. She mischaracterized all of these expenses that were a direct result of Cassie and her attorney’s actions.

The First Conference

As anxious as I was about the First Conference, it became a temporary relief. The Court ruled that Cassie had to pay temporary support and held off on other issues for the Settlement Conference. Neither Cassie nor I spoke.

My attorney had apparently expressed concerns to the Court regarding the tone of Cassie’s attorney’s inflammatory filings. I’m not clear when this happened because I didn’t see it in her Pre-Conference statement. The judge mentioned this issue to Cassie’s attorney, and she became aggressive with the judge. She demanded to know what she had done wrong. It was disturbing to watch, as Cassie’s attorney showed little control or remorse.

Her Attorney’s Email Response

The day after the First Conference, my attorney sent an email to Cassie’s attorney. She noted that she was not making a personal attack. My attorney felt the inflammatory filings were inappropriate for the task at hand.

She also said that she would like to move forward with negotiations on a settlement.

Cassie’s Attorney Fires Back

Cassie’s attorney responded, claiming that I had refused to disclose my location in a 25 February email:

Judging the Judge

Another False Accusation

Down the Rabbit Hole

June and July were a break from Cassie’s attorney’s attacks. That meant a continued stall in moving forward with the divorce. Cassie, however, decided that the Court wouldn’t be telling her how to divide the joint checking and savings accounts. She was going to do that before the Court got involved.

¹Some names and places have been changed.

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 8 – June 2026

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]

[Related link, SEE:  PART 5 – March 2026]

Taxes, Joint Bank Accounts, and Character Assassination

April began with the first communication between Cassie¹ and myself in seven weeks. It was a civil discussion about filing our Federal taxes, and it was a positive step. Unfortunately, it would be a case of me giving and Cassie taking. She would thank me by draining our joint bank accounts, followed by her attorney’s off-the-record character assassination of me in an email to my attorney.

Nevada Bar Says No,….But

In March, I filed a complaint with the State Bar of Nevada regarding Cassie’s attorney’s statement that I could not return to our marital home. In early April, they responded:

After researching your information, we determined that your grievance involves allegations which should be addressed in an appropriate judicial setting. That is the more appropriate venue to consider this matter.

If the court makes written findings of attorney misconduct, then please re-submit the court’s findings for our reconsideration.

State Bar of Nevada – 3 April 2026

They declined to pursue the matter, but they told me it was a matter to be determined in Court. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but it wasn’t a flat “No.”

Taxes, the $6,000 Gift

Prior to Cassie retaining an attorney, we had discussed filing our Federal taxes. That was one of my jobs in our marriage. Even though we were going through a divorce, she preferred that we file jointly, rather than filing separately.

However, after she retained an attorney, I ended all direct contact, and as the April deadline approached, it became clear that I would have to file separately, as I had no access to her income statements.

In late March, I made a mistake while attempting to change the address for my personal bank accounts. My mistake changed the address of our joint accounts, so I contacted Cassie to inform her of my mistake. She was already aware of the issue and had corrected it.

As part of that communication, I mentioned that I was preparing to file my Federal taxes, and I assumed she would be filing on her own. She responded that she would prefer we still file jointly. I ran the numbers for both and discovered why.

My Social Security income was non-taxable, so while I wouldn’t be getting a refund, I wouldn’t be paying any taxes if I filed separately. Cassie, however, needed my Standard Deduction because she would be paying over $7,400, filing separately. Filing jointly, she would owe about $1,550 because my Standard Deduction helped to cover a deficit of withheld taxes on her income.

I could have been difficult and filed separately. After all, she and her attorney were playing dirty. Still, I felt that it would be inappropriate for me to take advantage of the situation.

Cassie’s Thank You

Sometime before early April, Cassie stopped the direct deposit of her paycheck to our joint bank account. I had not been using the account, even though she and her attorney stranded me in North Carolina in February. Again, my understanding of the law is that this type of financial change should have been made with the Court’s approval. Cassie did not inform the Court, nor me.

Her Attorney’s Email to My Attorney

In April, her attorney sent an email to my attorney. The topic of the email was regarding a legal filing my attorney made; however, her attorney continued with an “Off the record” description of my character.

Off the record: I’m sure Paul mentioned to you that I’ve known all these people for 35 years.  That’s true. I figured that would’ve given you a good indication to call me and get info. before you get stuck with anyone who might not be honest, cooperative, financially compliant in paying you, and/or realistic in their litigation goals. If you ever have questions about a PNC and a hunch I might know something, please always feel free to call.  I know I always want the head’s up!  

Paul has a penchant for alternating between self-aggrandizing and self-pitying storytelling – neither of which have any basis in reality. Paul also has a way of leaving out critical facts which invariably change everything (your advice, claims, strategy), and you’ll only find out about everything after the fact. That is never fun to experience in open court. Example: did Paul mention to you that he wants support and legal fees because he claims to have nothing, and yet he just spent approx. 3 months traveling around the world for fun? Did Paul mention he did that, all without a) contributing to the community’s bills, and b) any apparent concern for his claimed lack of funds? I’m guessing Paul may have left out that part of his story, or if he told you anything about his recent travels, his recounting of the story was nothing near the reality of the time and money he unilaterally chose to waste – and right before he cries poverty in the divorce litigation which he initiated according to his own timeline and terms.  

It is absolutely your prerogative to ignore everything I’m saying.  Like I said, I wouldn’t want to get blindsided in open court with no answers because it turns out my client is full of it.  Plus, I don’t want someone I like (you) to get suckered into a case without first receiving a friendly head’s up to be wary of someone who might make life a bit more difficult than his case is worth.  

Email from her Attorney to my Attorney – 17 April 2026

I did know her attorney when she was in middle school, but we’ve had no contact for over 25 years. Her “knowledge” of me was fictional. Our “Very Good” to “Excellent” credit rating contradicts her lie about my/our financial accountability, and her accusations of me lying were an attempt to give credit to the narrative she was trying to sell. She also continued her attempt to paint my three-week trip to Europe and my trip to scout jobs and housing as one lavish travel-the-world extravaganza.

This was a blatant attempt to discredit me in my attorney’s eyes, create doubt, and distrust what I said. Her goal was to discourage my attorney’s commitment to representing me.

Whether or not her attorney’s character assassination was successful, it would taint everything my attorney did, or did not do, to present my case to the court.

¹Some names have been changed.

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 7 – May 2026

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]

[Related link, SEE:  PART 4 – February 2026]

Perversion of Decency and the Law

In December and January, Cassie¹ had been stalling on our agreed-upon divorce, but February introduced an attorney who was a friend of Cassie’s family and who apparently took the divorce as her personal mission. March took a relatively uncomplicated divorce and made it into an all-out attack on my character and the truth. It became a perversion of decency and the law. Multiple days in March were key to my situation.

2 MARCH – A Liferaft

After being stranded in North Carolina by Cassie’s attorney, I finally accepted my daughter’s offer to live with them temporarily in Denver. This, at least, stopped the hemorrhage of money for hotels and food.

3 – 6 MARCH – Filing for the Divorce

In an attempt to allow me to return home, I began calling people at the Washoe County Court system to learn what I could do. They couldn’t give me legal advice, but I did learn in one conversation that if I was not physically present in the house for 30 days, Cassie could claim I had abandoned the marital home. That seemed to be the most logical reason Cassie was suddenly suggesting that I move out. Her statements that her attorney told her I wouldn’t be giving up my claim on the house if I moved out were either a lie or a strategy her attorney gave her. It became apparent that if I didn’t file for a divorce immediately, her attorney could claim I abandoned the house.

The State of Nevada attempts to make filing for divorce accessible to people who can’t afford an attorney; however, the process is laden with strict rules and policies that a novice like myself would not know or understand. It took me two attempts to file.

A key issue in filing for divorce is that at least one spouse must have lived in Nevada for the previous six weeks. Even though I had lived in Nevada for 31 years, the fact that I had been out of the State for two weeks, then stranded in North Carolina by her attorney, meant I couldn’t meet the six-week requirement. There is a provision in Nevada Revised Statutes to waive the six-week requirement if the cause of the divorce occurred in the State. As the cause of the divorce was the ownership of the house, it may have met the requirements.

Regardless, I was finally able to file the forms. This finally ended Cassie’s roadblock to moving forward on the divorce and ended the 30-day clock of abandoning our home.

8 MARCH – Filing a Complaint with the Nevada Bar Association

On 8 March, I filed a complaint with the State Bar of Nevada regarding Cassie’s attorney telling me that “it is not feasible” for me to return to our marital home. It would be a month before I would receive a response.

17 MARCH – The Response of the Attorney

Telling me I couldn’t return home was her attorney’s shot across the bow. The filings were the beginning of her next barrage. I did not know to what depth her attorney would sink to; however, the first filing gave me a glimpse of where she was going to take this divorce. It seemed negotiating the division of the assets was not on her agenda. Instead, Cassie and her attorney began revising the narrative to match the story they wanted to create for the Court.

Excerpt 1

Paul left home for weeks to travel (possibly internationally) for most of 2026 (so far). Paul refuses to disclose where he currently resides…

Excerpt from her attorney’s 17 March 2026 filing

The first seven words of this statement are true. I left for a two-week scouting trip. After that, everything stated is either a twisting of the truth or an outright lie.

“…possibly internationally…” – Not true and not relevant. She was attempting to suggest to the Court that I was living lavishly and wasting money traveling the world, rather than traveling in the southeast United States looking at housing options/costs and following a job opportunity.

“…for most of 2026 (so far)…” – She ignored that I lived at our marital home for the first five weeks of 2026. The “…so far…” was a slam that I was continuing to travel the world. What she doesn’t disclose to the Court is that she was the one preventing me from returning home.

“…Paul refuses to disclose where he currently resides…”

1. I was under no obligation to inform Cassie or her attorney of my itinerary; however, it’s irrelevant because they never asked. Her attorney asked me to inform her of when I would be returning to Reno. I basically told her it was none of her business. That is not refusing to disclose where I reside.
2. Before I left, I gave Cassie a rough itinerary of where I was going. [SEE: Part 4]
3. Once I was told I couldn’t return home by her attorney, my address was still the marital home. I had no mailing address for several weeks. I finally began using my daughter’s address, but I was temporarily living there in a guest room. By every definition of the term, I was “homeless.”

Excerpt 2

Paul has ample funds in bank accounts (which he has presumably, wastefully spent throughout 2026 – without disclosing anything to Cassie about the costs of his long-term, leisure travel).

Excerpt from her attorney’s 17 March 2026 filing

“…ample funds in bank accounts…” – I had my Social Security savings, which I had intended to use for the cost of the divorce and some living expenses, assuming we would settle the divorce within six weeks or so. I did not have ample funds to establish a new residence without access to our joint funds.

“…which he has presumably, wastefully spent throughout 2026…” – Again, her attorney is trying to create an image for the Court that I was living lavishly and traveling the world, spending money, rather than staying in cheap hotels, eating one meal a day, and trying to stop the hemorrhage of money caused by the attorney locking me out of my home.

“…without disclosing anything to Cassie about the costs of his long-term, leisure travel…” – I did tell Cassie about the cost of my December European trip, and she expressed that I did a great job in keeping the expenses low; however, again, I was under no obligation to give a cost breakdown of my expenses to Cassie or her attorney before filing for a divorce. Cassie and her attorney were aware that my travel in 2026 was not leisure, and was “long-term” because they told me I could not return home. Her attorney was using inflammatory statements to create a false narrative for the Court.

Over My Head

After reading her attorney’s 17 March response to the divorce complaint, I determined I needed legal representation. Her attorney seemed to be committed to a dirty, personal attack on me, rather than negotiating a division of assets. I needed someone who could sort out the mudslinging from the legal issues.

After a consultation, I selected an attorney and retained her services. It cost me $7,500, which came out of my Social Security savings, not our joint account. After hiring my attorney, I felt some relief in not having to deal with Cassie or her attorney directly regarding the divorce, and hoped that everything could move forward.

Unfortunately, Cassie’s attorney planned to take the attack on me to a new low in April.

¹Some names have been changed.

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 6 – April 2026

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]

[Related link, SEE:  PART 3 – January 2026]

The February Ambush

By the beginning of February, Cassie¹ and I hadn’t engaged in any substantive discussion regarding the division of our combined assets. It had been sixty days since she had agreed to the divorce, but she was still stalling. After she consulted an attorney, she ignored the division of assets issue and skipped to suggesting that I consider moving out. I didn’t understand the significance of the topic she wanted to discuss. She and her attorney were setting me up for a February ambush.

The Trip Trap

I wanted to move forward with my life, and while I was waiting for my spouse to stop roadblocking me on dividing up our assets, I found a job opportunity in Fayetteville, Arkansas. It felt like a good opportunity, so I applied. They contacted me and offered me a phone interview. After Cassie’s discussion about moving out, I thought maybe it was time to do a scouting trip to some cities in the southeast. I didn’t know anyone in the region, but a warmer climate and lower altitude met two of my criteria for places to live. I informed Cassie of my plan.

I’m planning on leaving here on Sunday. I’m going to go south and east, um, and look at a few cities …Fayetteville, Arkansas. And that’s my first city that I’m looking at is Fayetteville. And then depending on what I see and, and everything, I’m maybe driv-driving to Raleigh, North Carolina.

Paul Kiser – 5 February 2026

I asked Cassie to meet with me to discuss the division of assets before I left. She agreed, but she made it clear that she would not accept any proposal at that meeting. This time it was clear to me she was establishing another roadblock. She would listen to the proposal, but she was already setting up her rejection of it.

We met on a Friday afternoon at a Starbucks. I presented my proposal that left her with 83% of our combined assets. As expected, she rejected it, and she made no counteroffers.

We both went home, and I prepared for my scouting trip. I left late the next day, again to avoid an incoming storm. I arrived in Fayetteville on Monday. On Tuesday evening, I discovered that Cassie had contacted the attorney again early on Monday. I texted her and asked her if she had retained the attorney, and she said yes.

The Real Agenda

I didn’t realize her plan until later. The suggestion that I could move out, my trip, and retaining the attorney were not coincidences. Once I was out of the house, even if it were for a temporary period, Cassie did exactly what I was concerned she might do when preparing for the divorce: she used her authority as sole-named owner to lock me out.

I asked her how to contact her attorney. It was then I learned that her attorney had lived down the street from Cassie’s family for decades. The attorney had taken some acting classes with us in middle school, but I hadn’t seen her for over 25 years. As a family friend, Cassie’s attorney was taking this divorce personally.

The Email

My lockout was confirmed later when I wrote the attorney, telling her I had finished my trip and planned to return home. Her response was as follows.

We understand you will be returning to Reno soon. Given the inherently difficult circumstances of an impending divorce, it is not feasible for you to reside at Cassie’s house upon your return. Living together is likely to escalate conflict rather than permit you both to consider matters calmly and with some level of detachment. Generally speaking, people going through a divorce do not reside together as they go through the process.  You and Cassie require your own space and privacy as you navigate the issues of divorce, and I’m sure you share the goal of having little to no conflict during this process.

Email Part 2

As you and Cassie discussed before you left for your travels, she has been working on dividing the household goods. She has packed multiple boxes for you. Additionally, she has photographed and kept an inventory of everything. If there are additional or different items you wish to take, adjustments can certainly be made to the proposed allocations.

The Email Part 3

Please advise of your anticipated date of return to the Reno area.  Upon your return, we can communicate to coordinate a mutually agreed-upon date and time for you to come to the house to remove the boxes of your items.

Spouse’s Attorney – 25 February 2026

Caught in the Trap

This response did seven things:

1. It prevented me from returning to our marital home.
2. It dramatically increased my living expenses as I had packed to be gone for a couple of weeks. I had nothing with me to establish a new living space.
3. Cassie ended up with the house and all the household goods; thus she had no increase in expenses. There would be no negotiations or Court oversight of the division of material goods.
4. If I attempted to return home, Cassie could call the police, and they would order me to leave, cite it as a civil matter, and I would have to pursue it in court.
5. If I attempted to return home, Cassie could use the incident to file for a Restraining Order against me.
6. It gave Cassie complete authority to determine what I could have, if anything. I had not given her the authority to decide for me. That was a lie.
7. It allowed Cassie to claim I had abandoned the house after I had been gone 30 days, and therefore, my ownership would be forfeited.

I concluded that returning to the house, even if it was scheduled, would be an opportunity for Cassie or her brother, who is not a hunter, but has a fascination with guns, to initiate a conflict to justify seeking a restraining order.  I quickly dismissed the idea of returning to the house under any circumstances.

Regardless, I was in North Carolina, living in cheap hotels, with no place for me to move into, even if I had furniture and household goods. Cassie and her attorney fully understood my situation. I was homeless, without a job, and with expenses that would drain my Social Security savings within weeks if I didn’t take drastic action.

At this point, no divorce had been filed; however, the attorney was acting as if it had. In March, I would discover that the lockout was just the first step. Cassie’s attorney had a plan to run me out of money, assassinate my character, and lie about my situation.

¹Some names have been changed.

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 5 – March 2026

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]

[Related link, SEE:  PART 2 – December 2025]

Gaslighting the Divorce

Some people have a behavior pattern of manipulating a situation by ‘roadblocking’¹ it. The person declares that certain ambiguous obstacles must be overcome or avoided before a decision can be made or before a discussion can move forward. It is a gaslighting technique that allows one person to stall the efforts of another person.

Cassie² has used this behavior many times in our relationship. I usually don’t recognize the tactic until it becomes obvious that the obstacle isn’t real and she is simply refusing to move forward.

After Cassie returned from her Guam trip, I had hoped she would be willing to engage in discussions about the only significant issue of the divorce:  the division of our combined assets. Until we decided how to divide the assets, I was in a state of limbo. I couldn’t move forward with establishing an independent life without knowing what my financial situation would be after the divorce.

Dividing the Major Assets

In January, it became obvious Cassie did not want to proceed with negotiations to divide our combined assets because she controlled all the major assets³. The divorce would mean she would have to give me half of at least one of those assets.

The division of two of the major assets were already in her favor. I had no legal claim to the IRA she inherited from her father. I felt I had a legitimate argument regarding the ownership of the house; yet, she had the upper hand on that issue because my name was not on the title.

However, the one issue a divorce would force her to give in on was her retirement. Legal precedent divides retirement accounts between both parties. During a rare discussion about the divorce, she said,

So I will say that’s the one piece that I’m really struggling with. I know what the law says, and I just…but I feel like…I feel…that would be devastating for me to draw half of that down. It would delay my retirement substantially. And I don’t think that’s fair.

My Spouse on 16 January 2026

Moving forward would mean she would have to concede half of her retirement, and she legally had no choice.

January Freeze

When Cassie agreed to the divorce, she had given me two conditions. First, no lawyers. Roadblocking me on retaining an attorney stalled the divorce because if I engaged an attorney, we would have to move forward, and she would lose control of the situation.

Second, there was the ambiguous delay because “she had too many things on her mind during the holidays.” Her trip to Guam was part of that excuse, and I accepted it at face value. Both conditions were a way of gaslighting progress on the divorce.

However, upon her return, she continued to insist she couldn’t think about the divorce because she had too much going on. I began to realize what she was doing, yet I continued to wait. We did engage in two impromptu conversations about the divorce. The first was the aforementioned discussion where she expressed her reluctance to share any of the major assets, regardless of what the law required. The second was on 20 January, after she had a consultation with an attorney.

The Suggestion

By late January, she probably sensed that I was becoming impatient. Finally, during the discussion of the 16th, she told me that she had set up a consultation with an attorney. I took this to be a positive sign, as any reputable lawyer would offer a realistic perspective and we could move forward.

On 20 January, Cassie again came to me and engaged in an impromptu discussion about what the attorney had told her. She said,

… But, uh, I asked a question. And I hope this doesn’t make you unhappy. I don’t want it to make you unhappy. But because I’m not trying to be, like, mean or anything. But I said, “I’m not sure it’s totally comfortable for us to be we’re we’re living together at the moment. It’s been fine. And, you know, we’re not we’re getting along fine.” And I I don’t have a problem with it necessarily…but it’s not the most comfortable thing ever.

This was the first time she brought up the subject of me moving out. I was not opposed to leaving, provided we had a framework for dividing up the assets.

Cassie continued,

So what you know, what would it look like to do some you know, pull some money right now so that Paul could go and and start…um, but what would that look like? And…and I’m not saying that you should have to or that I’m asking you to. But I want I want to know answers. … I said, “What would it look like if if there needed to be some money now, even before the decree, happened, like, would that be counted against the final decree and the lawyer said, ‘That is a Pandora’s box. That is risky”

The idea that she would give me some money to move out was novel; however, she took that carrot away immediately. Next, she offered me a reassurance in the form of my ownership rights on the house. Cassie said,

However, what you should know is there is absolutely nothing… … if you left the house, if you wanted to leave the house, that you would be giving it up. Or … that would be abandonment or something. She said, “That’s not that’s not really how that works.” So at any point that you needed to do separate things, you can do separate things. …If…if you left, …or if I went and lived somewhere for a none of that matters at all. There’s not, like, a “you left, therefore you’re you know, you’ve given up your rights” to anything. … And I’m not suggesting that, like, gosh, you got to get out. I paid it, you have to go. That’s that’s not what I’m …suggesting.

At the time, I didn’t realize that she and her attorney had a plan and this conversation was an attempt to strengthen her claim on the house. That wouldn’t become apparent until February.

Moving Forward, Not Out

The conversation prompted me to consider things I could do while waiting for Cassie to negotiate a divorce settlement with me. In late January, I began looking at cities and jobs in regions that were 1) at lower altitudes, 2) were cycling friendly, and 3) had milder winters.

While researching Fayetteville, Arkansas, I discovered a job opening that appealed to me and that I felt I was qualified for, so I applied. I was offered a phone interview, and I began researching the area. Before the phone interview, I decided to take a scouting trip to Fayetteville and one or two other cities in the southeast. If I found a job, I could move before the divorce was finalized. Regardless of the outcome of the trip, I would have more information about relocating and both of us would have some space for a few weeks.

I was also walking into a trap.

¹“Roadblocking” is a term meaning to intentionally or unintentionally create an obstacle that halts progress, stalls a process, or prevents a situation from moving forward.

²Some names have been changed.

³Our major assets were 1) the house worth around $400,000, 2) her retirement account worth about $$275,000, and 3) an IRA she inherited from her father worth around $165,000.

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 4 – February 2026

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]

[Related link, SEE:  PART 1 – Introduction]

In late November, I decided that it was time to move forward and announce the divorce. I was finishing up a long-term bathroom project and was close to being done, so I began preparing for the difficult task ahead.

Post-Divorce Issues

Since I knew Cassie might exercise her authority to order me to leave the house, I felt I needed a plan for where I would go if she threw me out. I planned to relocate after the divorce to a lower-altitude city for health reasons, but I wouldn’t be able to do that until the divorce was finalized. At first, I was considering a local short-term room or apartment rental while the divorce was in process. It was logical, but it was not the way I wanted to spend the holidays. 

It was going to be awkward to be around Cassie’s and her family during Christmas, and my own family did not live locally. They also had complex holiday family celebrations that I didn’t want to invite myself into on short notice.

The other factor was a trip that Cassie, Janet, and our son had planned for the first week in January to Guam. When the trip was being planned, I told her that I would stay home to take care of the pets and the house. I was committed to that obligation, unless she told me she didn’t want me to be there.

My assumption was that the divorce would take about six weeks, and afterwards, I could make plans of where I would move to based, in part, on the terms of the settlement. I didn’t want to be around for the holidays, but I needed to be back by the first week in January; then we could settle the divorce, and I would move on.

The Plan

At the time, I was obsessing over Rotterdam in the Netherlands. [A live feed I often had up on my computer.] The idea that this might be an opportunity to spend the holidays in Europe began to appeal to me. I did some rough budget planning and decided that spending three weeks in London and Rotterdam would be feasible. I began making reservations.

With my flights set, I established a target date to announce that I would be seeking a divorce. I wanted to meet with my spouse and her mother together for the announcement, as the key reason for the divorce revolved around actions that they both had taken regarding ownership of the house.

During my first divorce, almost forty years prior, I learned I needed to keep access to personal items, important documents, and items of sentimental value before I announced the divorce. I secured a storage space and quietly moved most of those items out. My tools, some clothes, and major personal items would have to wait. I assumed we would negotiate the rest of the household goods after the announcement.

D-Day

December 5th was the date that everything seemed to converge on, and as it happened, Cassie was going to her mother’s late that afternoon to pick up our dog, who had a playdate with Janet’s dog. I met them there.

The discussion was relatively calm. They both listened, and afterward we discussed the situation and moving forward. I told them of my plan for the holidays and said that I would be back to take care of the pets in January. Cassie thanked me for the consideration. She was upset that I had been planning the divorce for over a year. That would become her focus: I was the bad person because I had prepared for the divorce before I told her, which diminshed her power and authority she held over me.

Janet stated that when she put Cassie’s name on the house title, she had told Cassie that it wouldn’t be too complicated to add mine. She allegedly responded,

If I do that, he will sell the house and move back to Colorado.

Agreement and Conditions

Cassie agreed to the divorce and asked for two things. First, she wanted to negotiate the settlement without lawyers to minimize the cost. Second, she asked that she be given time to focus on the holidays before we moved forward on the divorce. I agreed to both.

At this point, it appeared that we would be able to work together and reach a fair settlement. We both decided to meet back at home for dinner and tell our 20-year-old son. The discussion was difficult, but civil.

Upon learning of the divorce, he was upset that I didn’t tell him that I had been considering a divorce. I explained that I could not tell him and then ask him to keep it secret from his mother for a year.

Highway 50 across Nevada

Over the next few days, I prepared to leave for Denver, where I would fly to London. I packed and finished up a few things. I decided to begin my road trip a day early to avoid a storm.

The London/Rotterdam Trip

I have made many decisions in my life, but among the best decisions I’ve made was the trip to Europe for the holidays.

It allowed me to remember who I was as an individual. It also avoided putting stress on the family and myself during the holiday season following the divorce announcement.

I had felt that I was in and out of depression for most of the last five years of the marriage. In London, I sensed a great emotional weight lift off me. It was exactly where I needed to be.

During this time, I did not attempt to call Cassie, choosing to give her time and space to enjoy the holidays with her family. She called me once.

The Birthday Surprise

While in Rotterdam, I did receive a call from our son. It was on my birthday, and he was calling to let me know that his mother had leased him a new car. He was very excited. I reciprocated his excitement; however, I knew why Cassie did it.

We had never discussed purchasing or leasing a new car for our son. He had a truck in excellent condition that was given to him by his grandmother when he began driving. This car was a bribe to him and a slap in my face. I couldn’t protest her making a major unilateral financial decision without putting our son in the middle of it. This should have warned me of what was to come over the next few months.

The Return Home

After three weeks, I returned home. They left for Guam a few days later. I settled back into life, expecting that upon her return, we would begin moving forward on the divorce. She had a different plan.

¹Some names have been changed.

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 3 – January 2026

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]

More than one-quarter of all divorces involve couples over 50. It is called Gray Divorce.

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