Dear Alien Race:

Happy holidays! Welcome to our planet! If you are here, and if you have been observing us, please let me apologize for our behavior, especially the behavior of the wealthiest, most privileged country.

The fact that humans are broken up into factionalized groups is an inherent issue with our society. The idea that we are all equal, and that we should respect and reach out to one another is mostly rhetoric. Despite consistent historical examples of the success for all when we all work together and treat each other with respect, there are elements of our society that hold an egocentric opinion of life. They seek to destroy the philosophies of harmony and mutual benefit because those concepts don’t put them ahead of everyone else.

This brings me to my request.

We could bring our country and our world into balance if we didn’t have those who oppose a world based on fairness and equality. We know that through violence we could remove those humans that refuse to behave as decent members of our species; however, that type of conflict is against our core beliefs. Also, those types of conflicts also harm innocent people.

I am assuming that since you have the technology to visit our planet, you have other advanced technologies that could be useful in addressing our problem. What I am proposing is that you remove the elements of our society that don’t play well with others. I’m not asking that you destroy them…although I know accidents can happen, what I’m asking is that you just take them away for a few years.

I see this as a win-win situation. You can perform a thorough analysis of dysfunctional humans, and we can get our world back. You would not be held liable for any damage caused to the humans that you study.

I understand that you may have a ‘non-interference’ type of prime directive; however, please accept this note as an exemption of your policy.

It would be a great start if you could remove all humans associated with Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin. That would send a positive message to the rest of the world. If you need a list, please contact me.

We are currently celebrating our shortest day in the Northern Hemisphere, which means it is our darkest, longest night. I cannot imagine a greater gift during this holiday season to know that we have been through our darkest time.

Warm regards,

Paul Kiser

P.S., If you get this note at some point in the future and have the ability to come back in time, this would be the time in which to come back. Again, Happy Holidays!