[Related Link:  Part 8- June/July 2026]

Eight Months of Divorce

I suspected that this divorce would be a mess, but I also knew it didn’t have to be that way. A casual observer might have thought that our marriage was solid and civil. Thirty-one years would seem to indicate that kind of stability.

However, while our daily interactions were those of friends, there was an undercurrent of control and manipulation. Before we separated, I didn’t understand that rage and vindictiveness were predictable when a person like Cassie loses the ability to control their target. In hindsight, much of Cassie’s behavior should not have been surprising.

That factor I didn’t account for was her attorney’s behavior. That blindsided me.

This was a simple divorce. Negotiate the assets and debts, split up the household goods, and move on. At eight months, there is still no foreseeable end in sight. Cassie’s attorney has indicated her eagerness to move into litigation, rather than settle. Cassie and her attorney seem to believe that given enough time, I will just walk away.

No Excuse

Cassie is a college professor in the Communication Studies department. She also teaches communication workshops for a high-profile Judicial College associated with her University. In addition to Communication classes, she teaches Mediation and Conflict Resolution. Her late father, Benjamin, also taught legal argumentation courses, and she assisted him for at least one semester. She is not an uneducated or unskilled person with no understanding of how to communicate, nor how to work to resolve legal issues.

And yet, the filings Cassie signed indicate that she has no abilities and/or desire to negotiate, mediate, or communicate effectively. I don’t know how much her attorney is controlling/guiding Cassie, but I don’t think Cassie’s communication and mediation skills are being well-represented.

The Twist

As bad as these past eight months have been, they have been a gift. This situation has reconfirmed that I am in control of my own happiness. The conflict has triggered my fight/flight mechanism many times. Sleep is disrupted almost every night. At times, concentration on tasks has been difficult, and I am in a constant state of limbo.

However, I have not felt depressed. The desire to sleep all the time is gone. I do not spend hours on the computer, mindlessly distracted. I exercise regularly, and I am eating healthier. I am ready to engage, and I have hopes and aspirations for my future. There are many things that I can’t move forward on until this divorce is finalized, but I am thinking ahead.

The Caution

I’m not foolish enough to believe that finalizing the divorce will be the end. The behind-my-back character assassination is likely not a one-time event. I will have to be cautious about information I have on the Internet. I will have to warn people about inquiries about me from people they don’t know. The divorce will not change Cassie or her attorney’s behavior. Life is different now.

About This Series

I did not want to write about this subject. This is airing dirty laundry, and I’m disappointed that it came to this. I have tried to avoid talking about the divorce to other people because I don’t want to be that guy.

Unfortunately, after eight months of truly feeling under siege, I’m facing a critical legal hurdle. Having to let go of my attorney was the turning point. I decided that it’s time to change the dynamic, and this series is the first step. I don’t know what comes next in this never-ending divorce, but I will take each day as it comes. That is the Zen of life.

 

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]