Tag Archives: John McCain

Boehner, GOP Pass Funding Scheme For Privatized Death Star

01 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in April Fools Day, Fiction, Government, Opinion, Politics

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Washington, D.C. – April 1, 2013  

Republicans in Congress managed to slip a little noticed addendum to the budget bill that provides a funding scheme for a Star Wars-like Death Star to be operated and run by private interests. The language of the addendum would void the entire budget bill if removed and authorizes the funding plan if Congress fails to pass or kill the budget bill on it by April 4, 2013. The authors of the measure have created legislation where no action is required to fund the Death Star. House Speaker Boehner (Ohio-R) said:

“We are very comfortable with legislation that requires no action. It’s what we’ve been doing for years and we’re getting very good at it.” (Rep. Boehner)

Under the GOP plan, the project will use a large asteroid pushed into Earth orbit and mine out the luxury condos and living envioronment

Under the GOP plan, the project will use a large asteroid pushed into Earth orbit and mine the luxury condos and living environment out of existing rock

Boehner added that this a budget neutral bill as the initial government funding for the project is a loan that will be repaid by a private consortium over the term of the loan. Unnamed sources have confirmed the term of the loan to be 10,000 years. Representative and former Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) said,

“This is a win-win-win project. It provides hundreds of thousands of new jobs over the next 100 years, it will put America’s back in space again, and it is the mother of all defense programs.” (Rep. Ryan)

When asked about a rumored plan to use prisoners from thousands of American jails as cheap and expendable labor, Ryan replied, “Another win-win! We’ll decrease the prison population and lower construction expenses.”

President Obama was asked about the Death Star project at his press conference today to encourage consideration of discussion regarding of forming a committee to address global warming. The President said:

“You know, back in December we killed this idea and gave good reasons why it should be killed, which is probably why the Republicans ran with it.” (President Obama) 

Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky) chided the press for overstating the military function of the massive artificial satellite. McConnell said:

“Once again the liberal press has labeled this great project to re…re…uhm…what’s the word…reflect, that’s it! Uhm…what was I saying?” (Senator McConnell)

Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) then added:

“I believe that what Senator McConnell is trying to saying is that by referring to it as the ‘Death Star’ the liberal press has given a sinister impression of the purpose of this project. Most of this project will be dedicated to luxury condos for those who wish to use Earth’s Second Moon as their primary or secondary residence.” (Senator McCain)

It was reported by some unnamed sources, one of which was former Vice President Dick Cheney, that former Vice President Dick Cheney will be the President and CEO for the consortium building the artificial satellite. When questions were raised about someone of such advanced age running a 100-year project, Rep. Boehner said:

“We have that covered. We have identified five donors with the correct blood type and tissue match to keep the former Vice President healthy and active for at least the next twenty-five years. After that, we will have five more ready to go.” (Rep. Boehner)

When asked if the media would be allowed to interview the donors Boehner said:

“Oh they don’t know they are donors yet. This is a Homeland Security issue and they’ll know when they need to know.” (Rep. Boehner)

The six organizations will take the lead in the design, construction, operation, ownership of the project were identified are: Exxon, Koch Industries, KBR (the former subsidiary of Halliburton,) The Las Vegas Sands Corporation, the National Rifle Association (NRA), and Papa Johns Pizza.

Cheney said:

“These organizations are a perfect fit to carry out the construction and operation of this project. We have all our bases covered.” (Former VP Cheney)

When asked if the project will have a science component like the International Space Station, Paul Ryan answered:

“It will have a science component, but the science will be limited to the confirmation of the existence of God and how He create our universe. We’re not going to waste millions of dollars chasing after scientific hokum.” (Rep. Ryan)

Representative Steven King (R-Iowa) clarified:

“I think it’s important to understand the primary purpose of the Second Moon project. This is a place for certain people to escape Earth’s bounds and celebrate their success. It’s not the type of place that President Obama’s daughters will go for spring break.”

The project is tentatively scheduled for completion by the 2nd Quarter of 2110.

America Held Hostage: DAY 716

15 Thursday Nov 2012

Posted by in Ethics, Generational, Government, Opinion, Politics, Taxes

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John McCain still bitter about 2008?

Sure we’ll cooperate with the President….when he becomes a Republican

Republican Senator John McCain promised that a Susan Rice’s nomination for Secretary of State will be blocked. Republican Senator Mitch McConnell says that he has a mandate for Republicans to push America over the fiscal cliff. Republican Representative John Boehner says compromise with Democrats is now possible if President Obama gives up the tax increases favored by most Americans. At least we know that the wealthy, old, white men in Congress haven’t changed.

After Republicans had major wins in the House and Senate in 2010, 42 Republican Senators signed a pledge to gridlock Congress and defeat any attempt by President Obama to move the country forward. That was 716 days ago.

Senator Mitch McConnell: “Election, what election?”

After shocking losses in the Senate, losses in the House that defied the gerrymandering of State Republican legislatures, and Mitt Romney’s loss of the century for President, the GOP is determined to pretend the 2012 election did not happen. That means America can expect the Republicans in Congress to offer more of what they gave us in the last two years.

Perhaps Senator John McCain will once again suggest another corporate tax holiday so wealthy white men can buy private planes and yachts. Perhaps Senator Dean Heller will again attempt to pass a law that will prohibit millionaires from receiving Food Stamps. Perhaps Representative John Boehner will again suggest that the Department of Justice pay Republicans to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act. Whatever they do, we can expect that they will hold America hostage to make sure nothing works in Washington D.C.

Why Ryan, Why Now: Romney Repeats Mistakes of McCain & Nixon

13 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by in Ethics, Government, History, Politics, Public Relations, Taxes, US History

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Mitt Romney follows McCain and Nixon to failure

Mitt Romney had over two weeks before he had to reveal his choice for Vice President and it would have been advantageous for him to wait. Keeping the Vice President choice a secret would have built up anticipation and the pundits would not have been able to resist continued speculation on the selection. All this would have climaxed with the announcement of the choice on August 29, in prime time on center stage of the Republican National Convention.

Instead the announcement was handled with all the grace of an engagement announcement of a pregnant daughter. The news leaked on a Friday night during the final week of the Olympics and announced before most of the country was awake on Saturday morning. A Vice President choice should reflect the wisdom of the campaign, so why was this one handled as badly or worse than the McCain/Palin fiasco?

Simple. It was desperation.

In 2008, John McCain was desperate to shake up the campaign and re-energize it. Unfortunately, Romney has the same type of desperation, but for different reasons. Romney certainly needs to re-energize his campaign, but what is more critical is the need to shift the focus off the charges that he hasn’t paid taxes for ten years. Romney has his back up against the wall on this issue. If it turns out to be true his campaign is over.

Romney selected Paul Ryan, who seeks to control, not serve Americans, and is a no-compromise, anti-government, right-wing extremist similar to McCain’s Palin choice. Ryan will deliver the voters who are sworn to hate Obama and liberals under the idea that the ticket can be elected by 25% of voters. It didn’t work for McCain in 2008, and it will not work in 2012. It is not a smart choice, but at this point Romney needed something, anything to change the subject of the campaign. 

Romney is operating like Richard Nixon in the belief that he can keep his worst secrets hidden through denial, lying, and non-cooperation. Instead he’s put a spotlight on the issue. His tactic of challenging people to ‘prove’ he didn’t pay taxes when he holds all the proof only makes him to looking guilty. It’s obvious he is hiding something in his financial past and if it is not about paying any taxes for ten years, then it must be something as damning.

Romney’s campaign is within hours, days, or weeks of imploding. If he fails to make his tax returns public then it will dominate the conversation about whether he is fit to be President. If he releases them then the truth must be bad enough to destroy his campaign. The only question is how Romney’s right-wing shift followed by complete collapse will carry over to other politicians who have embraced the extreme right.