Category Archives: Fiction

My First and Final (gulp) Imaginary Interview With Terry Gross

05 Thursday Apr 2018

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[NOTE:  5 April 2038. This imaginary interview with Fresh Air’s host Terry Gross took place in the cafeteria at the National Public Radio (NPR) Senior Care Facility in Washington, D.C., about five blocks from the NPR headquarters.]

Terry Gross WHYY

Fresh Air’s Terry Gross, 1987

Interview with Terry Gross:  Part I

Me:  This is a special guest-host edition of Fresh Air. My guest today is Terry Gross. She has been on radio for 65 years. For over six decades she has been the host of this weekday interview show produced by WHYY in Philadelphia and aired across the nation through National Public Radio stations. She has a degree in English, and a Masters degree in Communication. Among her many honors are a Peabody Award, an Edward R. Murrow Award, a Columbia Journalism Award, a 2015 National Humanities Award, and in 2012 she was inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame. Terry, thank you for allowing me the honor of guest hosting your show, and the honor of interviewing you.

Terry:  You’re welcome.

Me:  You have had a front row seat to the some of the most influential and creative people for over sixty years. Does it ever become boring?

Terry:  Not usually. There is a routine we follow, but each interview is a potential Pandora’s box. We never know what we’ll find until we start talking to the guest. It keeps things edgy.

 Me:  You could have retired decades ago. What has kept you going?

Terry:  A lack of a retirement program. It’s public radio, not “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.”

[Me:  Pause.]

Me:  So you keep working for a paycheck?

Terry:  Not a paycheck. I get to stay here. Woo-hoo.

Me:  I should tell our listeners, that by ‘here’ you mean the NPR Senior Care Facility.

Terry:  Again, woo-hoo. Look over there. That’s Steve Inskeep eating his oatmeal. They still wheel him over to NPR six days a week.

Me:  To record NPR’s Morning Edition.

Terry:  And to clean the bathrooms…and he’s talking to Cokie Roberts. She’s probably explaining to Steve once again why he can’t have prunes in his oatmeal and prune juice. Here, you get one or the other, not both. That man at that table is Kai Ryssdal. He’s so hot. Oh, and over by the coffee machine is Don Gonyea….oh, wait, he’s trying to snort the artificial sweetener again. Excuse me.

Interview with Terry Gross:  Part II

Me:  We’re back talking to the host of Fresh Air, Terry Gross. Is Don okay?

Terry: He’ll be fine. We’ve told them that they can’t keep the artificial sweetener by the coffee. He finds them every time. Now, where were we?

Me:  I think we were talking about your amazing history on the radio. You have connections to generations of well-known people. How do you keep finding the next ‘Tom Hanks.’

Terry:  It’s not that difficult. After so many years, people come to you. You can usually tell they want to be on the show when they start inviting you to their parties.

Me:  But isn’t it exhausting to come up with high-quality interviews every weekday?

Terry:  Not really. We get at least two shows after each interview.

Me:  You mean re-airing the interview with the person releases a new book or movie?

Terry:  Yes, that, and when they die. We discovered long ago that the interview has a bigger audience just after they die.

Me:  Does that make an original interview less meaningful knowing that it will have a smaller audience, than after the person dies?

Terry:  Of course. But it means my show is easy the day after they’ve died. A little intro. A few edits. Bingo, new show. We call the first interview premorties and the final broadcast postmorties. Premorties is the salad, Postmorties is the entree and dessert.

Me:  Uhm…I see. Lately, it seems that most of your shows are postmorties.

Terry:  Yes. We’ve changed our strategy in the last few years. Now we do the interview just for the postmorties. We interview, he or she dies, we broadcast.

Me:  But what about days when no one significant has died?

Terry:  We have a guy.

Me:  What do you mean?

Terry:  Have you ever noticed that a celebrity dies almost every day except Fridays and Saturdays?

[Me:  Choking a little.]

Me:  You don’t…

Terry: Yes, we do.

Me:  So this interview…

Terry:  You’re a postmortie. You didn’t really think you were important enough for me to have on my show.

Me:  I’m going to …die?

Terry:  Spectacularly. It will be a self-driving car hit by California’s high-speed train. We’re trying to get a Tesla, but they’re really hard to find. Jay Leno used to have one, but it caught on fire. I was hoping we could have you also hit by that Tesla Roadster SpaceX launched twenty years ago, but they said the orbit was all wrong.

Me: oh…that would have been nice…I guess. I think I should head home now.

Terry:  Sure, but be careful. Don’t do anything dangerous before Tuesday.

Me:  okay.

J. K. Rowling: The Unexpected Author

13 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by in Book Review, College, Communication, Education, Ethics, Fiction, Generational, Higher Education, Honor, Information Technology, Internet, Lessons of Life, Opinion, parenting, Passionate People, Public Relations, Science Fiction, Traditional Media, Universities, Women

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jkr-photo_new_debra-hurford-brown-j.k.-rowling

Jo Rowling A.K.A: J. K. Rowling

This week my son’s Elementary school is engaged in a venture into the world of Harry Potter. The teachers of 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades have divided the students into the four Houses of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This is an opportunity to look back on the single person who created a series of fictional children’s books that revitalized reading for millions of people of all ages.

Any story of great personal success is characterized by being the correct person, in the correct place, at the correct time. That is a requirement. The story of J. K. Rowling is more compelling for why she was the correct person.

Her birth name is Joanne Rowling and she uses “Jo” in casual environments. She has no given middle name but was asked by her publisher to disguise her name so that young boys would not know that Harry Potter was written by a woman. Since she had no middle name she used her grandmother’s name, ‘Kathleen,’ and thus became, “J. K. Rowling (her last name is pronounced, ‘rolling.’) 

Rowling accomplished the unthinkable. At a time when reading books was declining and the Internet was blossoming, the idea that one person could ignite a renaissance of book reading was considered absurd. Rowling’s first publisher told her to get a day job because writing children’s books would never provide enough income.

Like William Shakespeare, there is no significant indicator in Rowling’s pre-Potter life of her eventual rise to the top of the literary world. Still, there are earlier experiences that probably contributed to her success. Among them are the following:

  • Her parents met at King’s Cross Station in London, which became the fictional departure point for the fictional train station departure point to Hogwarts. [Potter influences]
  • As a child she was known to write out a story and read it to her sister, Dianne. [Early fiction writing]
  • Her mother, Anne, was a science technician and also taught science at the Secondary school that Rowling attended. [Priority of education]
  • She speaks English, French and studied German in Secondary school. [Broad-based education]
  • She read and is an admirer of Jessica Mitford, a British-turned-American journalist, author, and political activist. [Ethics, writing, and honor]
  • She has a Bachelor’s of Arts degree in French and the Classics from the University of Exeter. [Writing and knowledge]
  • She studied a year in Paris. [Broad-based education]
  • She taught English in Portugal [Life experience]
  • Her mother had multiple sclerosis (MS) and died while she was writing her first Harry Potter book. [Life experience]
  • Rowling suffered from depression triggered by several life events (Unemployed, her mother’s death, her divorce, etc.) [Life experience]Harry Potter Covers

The idea for Harry Potter apparently came in 1990, during a four-hour train delay to London. She began writing as soon as she reached home and among the first chapters written was the final chapter of the last book. The first book was not finished until 1995. It was submitted and rejected by twelve publishers before it was finally accepted by Bloomsbury Publishing in England the follow year. 

She went from living off of State benefits to a millionaire in five years. Since then, she has devoted a large portion of her fortune to philanthropic causes. 

Though remarkable, Rowling’s financial success is not as significant as what she did for slowing the decline of children reading for fun during the period her books were published (1996-2007.) According to a study by Common Sense Media, 9-year-olds reading for fun at least one to two per week dropped only one percent from 1984 to 2004; however, by 2012 that dropped by another four percent (76% in 2012.) For 13-year-olds the decline in reading for fun from 1984 to 2004, was six percent, but that decline nearly doubled five years after the last Harry Potter book was published (down an additional eleven percent in 2012 to 53%.) 

No one, including possibly Rowling, herself, could have expected anyone to capture a worldwide audience, as did the Harry Potter series. She brought new readers into the literary market that had no interest in reading. Her unexpected achievement is a reminder that what is possible extends beyond the impossible.  

Detroit To Move City

01 Tuesday Apr 2014

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BREAKING NEWS — Detroit, MI, April 1, 2014

The Mayor of Detroit, Mike Duggan, announced that Detroit would be moving to La Pesca, Mexico. Mayor Duggan said:

“This is the out-of-the-box solution that will bring Detroit into the 21st Century.”

He added:

“We were never going to solve our problems by waiting for global warming to make Detroit a place where people wanted to live.”

Duggan also noted that by moving the city, all the problems of an aging infrastructure are left behind. He said that it will be less expensive to build a new infrastructure in the long run.

The move is made possible by a land-swap deal between Detroit, the United States, and Mexico. The United States is trading Detroit for the small coastal city of La Pesca and surrounding land. Detroit will be renamed by Mexico and all Mexican immigrants attempting to cross into the United States will be redirected and sent by bus or plane to the former city of Detroit. About the trade Duggan said:

“This solves the immigration issue and makes Detroit a tropical destination. It’s perfect.”

When asked about the drug cartels and violence in Mexico, Duggan replied:

“This is not a serious problem in this area, but if it were to become a problem I’d put our gangs against their drug cartels any day of the week.”

Officials say the deal will be finalized by the end of April and the new Detroit will be built over the next ten years. The move will begin by late 2015, and Detroit’s government will oversee both cities for the first five years. The transfer of ownership will be complete by 2020.

Rove and Limbaugh Twins

01 Tuesday Apr 2014

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Image credit KEVIN CIRILLI/Politico

Rush Limbaugh – TWIN?

BREAKING NEWS — Los Angeles, California, April 1, 2014

Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh held a joint news conference today to announce that they recently discovered that they have the same mother, and they are, in fact, twins. Limbaugh said,

“I’ve always known there was a special relationship between us because every time I see him I just want to kiss him.”

Image by TIM MAK/Politico

Karl Rove -TWIN?

Rove explained that he was born on Christmas Day, 1950, in Denver, Colorado, but that after he was born his mother gave him up and moved to Missouri. She continued to have contractions, but she thought that was just post pregnancy cramping . Less than three weeks later she was hospitalized for severe pain and Rush Limbaugh was born on January 12, 1951.

Both Rove and Limbaugh were giddy during the news conference and said they were considering buying neighboring houses in Costa Rica.

Speaker Boehner Hospitalized

01 Tuesday Apr 2014

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BREAKING NEWS — Washington, D.C. April 1, 2014

House Speaker John Boehner was hospitalized early today. His condition is considered stable and he expected to make a full recovery.

When asked about the nature of the illness, an aide that requested to not be identified stated that he was suffering from constipation. The source stated, “We asked the doctors about the prognosis and they said it looks good, but right now nothing is moving.”

An update on Speaker Boehner’s condition is scheduled for 5:00 PM.

Management Study for God

19 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by in Business, Consulting, Customer Relations, Customer Service, Employee Retention, Ethics, Fiction, Generational, Government, History, Human Resources, Management Practices, Opinion, Politics, Public Image, Public Relations, Relationships, Religion, Sports, Tom Peters, Women

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WORLD MANAGEMENT STUDY
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

On March 1, 2014, Kiser and Co. was retained by God to perform a study of the world management. After a thorough review of the processes and effectiveness of the current management practices on Earth we submit the following analysis and make the following recommendations.

ANALYSIS

FINDING ONE:  Ineffective World Leadership
Our researchers found the world leadership to be largely ineffective, self-promoting, and in some cases cruel and corrupt. In most advanced civilizations we would expect to see leadership to evolve into higher quality leaders as lessons learned from poor leadership would be applied to avoid repeating past failures. In fact, we have seen the reverse is true in many situations.

Key examples are Russia and North Korea. In both cases, the eventual failures of past leaders who used military force, prisons, politically controlled media, covert police enforcement, and corrupt practices have not deterred the current leadership of these countries to return to, or continue those practices. In addition, religious-based organizations seem to be among the worst offenders in promoting policies and practices that marginalize people and encourage hate and violence.

Immediate changes in world leadership will be required if management of the planet is to move forward.

FINDING TWO:  Lack of Vision
There seems to be a lack of concern for the future of the world. Consistently we saw an attitude that can best be described as “What’s in it for me?” Companies focus on next quarter’s profit, not long-term viability. Governments tend to lack any sensitivity toward the underprivileged, tending to blame them for their problems while passing laws that benefit the privileged at the expense of those who cannot afford the basic necessities to survive and prosper.

Again, immediate changes in world leadership will be required if management of the planet is to move forward.

FINDING THREE:  Obstruction of Progress
Many in leadership positions use propaganda and destructive techniques to prevent effective management. By focusing on meaningless, but highly controversial issues, some leaders have been able to keep discussions away from relevant issues and waste time through generating anger on topics among key population groups. The result is wild, pointless discussions on issues that cannot be resolved unless everyone works together. The key element in the obstructive leadership’s tactics is to announce that any compromise is a failure. In this way they create an “all or nothing” situation that effectively stops progress.  

Again, immediate changes in world leadership will be required if management of the planet is to move forward.

FINDING FOUR:  Inequality
We were shocked to discover the issues of inequality. The gap between the “haves” and “have-nots” is vast and continues to grow. People are grouped and identified with certain expectations that determine their treatment by the world’s leadership. Slavery has become replaced with subtle tactics of discrimination that tend to become more bold over time. In many cases, the discriminatory practices have become accepted as normal.

Again, immediate changes in world leadership will be required if management of the planet is to move forward.

RECOMMENDATIONS

Despite the scope of the problem, the solution is surprisingly simple.

PROPOSAL 1:  Downsize the Male Gender
Among the four major findings, men were found to be the principal source of the problem. The current ineffective leadership group (Finding One) is overwhelmingly male dominated and they tend to be the people who demonstrate a lack of vision (Finding Two,) an inability to compromise (Finding Three,) and promote inequality (Finding Four.) Without men almost every current issue disappears without any further action.

Eliminating all males will also result in many benefits. The world population will be dramatically reduced, sexual harassment will virtually end, most, if not all, wars will end, and most pay equality issues will cease. Issue after issue becomes smaller, or disappears completely without men on the planet.

COUNTER FINDINGS
It is difficult to find negatives to this solution; however, here are some of the areas that may feel the impact of downsizing the male gender:

Reproduction — A lack of males would seem to create an issue in the propagation of the human species; however, there is believed to be enough frozen sperm available to continue reproduction on a smaller scale and the new males will be raised in a female-dominated environment, which may weed out the personality and behavior issues of the current male gender.

Male-dominated jobs — There are few jobs that truly require a male worker. Just because females have been excluded from many jobs doesn’t mean they can’t be trained to perform the work effectively.

Sports — Without males, most competitive sports will end. We cannot find a downside to this issue.

IMPLEMENTATION

It is believed that a 100% downsizing of the male gender may not be necessary for an effective change in world management. It might be more advisable to put all males on a 30-day Improvement Required Action. At the end of the 30-days those who have not demonstrated a clear reversal of  the findings of this study should be downsized. The remaining males could then be re-evaluated at 60 and 90 days to determine if the initial downsize resolved the problem or not. It is suggested that the changes required should be permanent as a condition of continued existence.

We do have recommendations about downsizing certain females; however, those may be handled on a case by case basis in a closed meeting with Human Resources.

Epilogue of Planet Epsilon (science fiction)

24 Tuesday Dec 2013

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24 December 2038 – Chōfu, Tokyo, Nippon Unified Aerospace Agency (NUAA)

Orbits of 6 worlds nearest Sol

Orbits of 6 worlds nearest Sol and debris from the Epsilon explosion (Data recovered from alien ship) 

At today’s 9:00 AM press conference we announced the discovery of an alien craft found in orbit around our Sun. The orbital path of the craft was almost thirty degrees off the orbital plane of the solar system and was between Venus and Mercury at perihelion and extended out to near Jupiter’s orbit at aphelion. The long-deceased occupants of the ship were apparently from within our solar system on a planet they called Epsilon.

As mentioned this morning, we are releasing the text of the most significant alien messages or logs that we recovered on a hand device inside the craft. From what we can determine from the ship’s records so far is that Epsilon, located between Mars and Jupiter, exploded about 66 million years ago. The Epsilonian language is apparently the root language of English as the symbols and sounds are almost identical to English.

The aliens were human in body type. Several of the occupants of the ship were found in a compartment that preserved their bodies. We believed these aliens died after their craft was damaged and the crew put them in an area of the ship without heat or air to keep them from decomposing. DNA testing has proven that we are related these aliens, although probably not directly to the occupants of the ship.

According to what we have learned from their records so far, this ship was one of seven that attempted to reach Earth (named Gamma in Epsilonian) from Mars (named Delta in Epsilonian) after Epsilon exploded. Remnants of the planet still exist in what we have come to know as the Asteroid Belt; however, most of the planet was scattered throughout our solar system and some larger fragments impacted on the other planets including Earth. The descendants of the aliens that landed on Earth must have survived for millions of years in small pockets until humans began to become dominant in the past 100,000 years.  This ship was apparently the only one that did not make it to Earth.

Image of Epsilon before it exploded. Recovered from the alien database.

Image of Epsilon before it exploded. Recovered from the alien database.

Below is the original text from the most significant messages we have recovered so far. 

Message 10884.11.75.06.41.12.52 From Epsilon Crew Member
Wee faild. Wee tride, wee tride agane, wee tride more, and wee still faild.

Tu ue hoo reed this, I noe ue kant understand ar sarow. Pleese, here me. Fore ar brothers and sisters mae bee, likelee ar, yore fathers and mothers. If ue kan reed this then it is sertan ue ra, fore yore words kame from ar words.

Wee wer from Epsilon, tha 5th world from Sol, but wee livd in ae kalonee on Delta, tha 4th world. Now bothe worlds ar lost and all hope lies on Gamma, tha 3rd world.

Let mee restart. Epsilon was tha sorse of life in tha Sol sistim. Ar world was bigger than Gamma and Baeta (tha 2nd world,) and much bigger than Dellta. All 4 worlds had firm ground and ae laer of gas, but Baeta, like Alpha (the 1st world) had noe likguid. Gamma, Dellta, and Epsilon had likguid, but Epsilon producd life and evold 1st.

Epsilon was home but wee wantd tu xplore, soe wee lernd tu sore beetwene worlds. Dellta and Gamma had life, but not wise life. Ar peepel desided to kalonee on Dellta 1st.

Wee had livd on Dellta fore almoest 50 orbits and preeparing tu kalonee on Gamma  when disaster struk Epsilon. Ae flash that lit up ar erly morning skie on Dellta then faded. Epsilon was gon. Wee beeleve it was natural. Epsilon had plenteeful unstabil ellamints in tha krust. If those ellamints xtended into tha likguid rok beeloe, thae it koud hav gatherd tu ae kritikal mass and xploded with such forse tu destroy ar home world.

Ae grupe of sieintists had warnd that Epsilon mite….. (text was not recoverable)

Message 10884.11.75.06.41.15.04
Delltas orbit put it in tha Epsilon deebree flung toward Sol. Wee had onelee weeks tu evevakuate Dellta. With Dellta in sertan dume, ar hope was tu sore tu Gamma, but wee had noe kalonee ther. Wee had 7 ships availabel. 6 had peepel and 3 months of supplies eech. 1 ship kaireed ar teknolojee. That ship held ar soring masheens, ar komemunikashun eekwipmint, shelters, and everee thing needed tu restart ar sivilliesaeshun. 6 ships made it tu Gamma. 1 ship, ar ship, did not.

Wee due not noe if thae kan sirvive without….(text was not recoverable)

Volcanoes in the lower left caused by fragments from the break up of Epsilon

Volcanoes in the lower left caused by fragments from the break up of Epsilon

Ar ship was tha last tu leve Dellta. Deebree from r home world hit ar ship. It disstroyd ar injin kontrol. Ar injins flamed until wee had noe fuel. Ar orbit touk us abav tha planit orbits, around Sol, then in an eeliptikal orbit out past Epsilon and back tu Sol. Of ar 16 crew, 7 hav survived 2 orbits, but ther is noe hope. Wee noe longer can reepair our eekwipmint and ar air sistim will fail sune.

Message 10884.11.75.06.04.44.03
Wee hav watchd as ar broekin world has reekd havoke. Tha rimnants of Epsilon tore thru tha Sol sistim and miny larg fragmints inkluding 2 of Epsilons moons ar still in unstaebel orbits that will evinchuelee hit another world or Sol. 4 massiv fragmints hit Dellta kreeating majore fire mountans spewing out likwid rok. It is terning tha world inside out. Tha impakts of tha fragmints pushd Delltas gas in tu spase and chaengd its axis by 25 dagrees. Oever 1000 peepel wer left on Dellta and thae ar all ded.

Far side of the Moon peppered by fragments of Planet Epsilon

Far side of Earth’s Moon peppered by fragments of Planet Epsilon

Gamma survived thanks tu its Mone. A storem of deebree hit tha bak side of the Mone, but 1 larj fragment did hit tha Gamma. It filld tha air with fire and ash and tilt the axis almoset as much as Dellta. Kondishuns fore our peepel mae not bee sirviveabel.

 Zeta was forjunate. It was on tha opposeit of Sol when Epsilon xploded and it has not bin hit by maejor fragmints yet, however, ……(text was not recoverable)

Saturn's rings from the oceans of Epsilon

Saturn’s rings from the oceans of Epsilon

 ….differint fore Eta. Ae larj fragmint and sum fine deebree, posieblee likwid from 1 of Epsilons oeshuns was sent towards Eta. The fragmint tilted Etas axis and tha fine deebree went in tu orbit around Eta. It seems tu bee forming ae ring strukchure around Eta.

Sum of Epsilon was eejektd far out frum Sol kreeating ae cloud of deebree in tha outer sistim. Deebree nere Zeta was absorbed, but sum setteld in orbit ahed and beehind Zeta. What littel is left of Epsilon is spreding out whair ar world usd tu orbit. Fragmints will kontinue tu raen don on tha worlds fore senjurees…..(text was not recoverable) 

Message 10884.11.75.08.18.32.29
…..(text was not recoverable) Wee had kontakt with tha moset of tha ather ships until their power faild. Thae must restart ar race without all tha teknalogee wee karee on r ship. It mae bee hundreds of orbits, mae bee longer beefore thae kan sore aegaen. This message will not bee red until long after wee ar gon.

Nugent Attempts to Assassinate Obama, Gets Wrong City, Shoots Self

01 Monday Apr 2013

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Ted Nugent: America's Epic Fail

Ted Nugent: America’s Epic Failure

Miami, Florida – April 1, 2013

Last April the 64 year-old rock musician Ted Nugent said that if President Barack Obama was re-elected:

“…I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.” Ted Nugent

It was the latter and he still had two weeks to spare. On April 15, 2012, Nugent made the comment at the National Rifle Association (NRA) convention in St. Louis, Missouri. He was there to support Mitt Romney for President.

Nugent was arrested in Miami, Florida for attempting to assassinate the President; however, it may be hard for the prosecution to make a case against him since he was almost a 1000 miles away from the Commander-in-Chief. The President was scheduled to speak on the campus of the Miami University in Oxford, Ohio; however, Nugent went to the University of Miami in Miami, Florida.

Nugent apparently became enraged when he could not find President Obama and began waving a gun over his head yelling:

“WHERE IS HE! WHERE IS HE! I’LL KILL HIM! I’ll KILL HIM!”

Within minutes several campus police officers arrived and ordered Nugent to drop his weapon. Nugent apparently calmed down and began to tuck the gun under his belt at which point it discharged, wounding himself in the leg. He then yelled:

“You SHOT Me! You SHOT Me!”

The campus police then moved in, took Nugent’s gun and arrested him. It was several hours later that Nugent learned the police had not fired and that he shot himself. He is expected to make a full recovery, but doctors say that he may walk with a limp. When asked if the wound would affect his ability to play and sing, the hospital representative said:

“They’re doctors, not miracle workers.”

A spokesperson for the Secret Service was asked if they would be involved with the case and she said:

“The Secret Service focuses on credible threats, but somebody will probably have to go down to Miami anyway.”

Nugent will be arraigned in Miami on Monday.

Doomsday Now 2014, Not 2012

01 Monday Apr 2013

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Oakland, California – April 1, 2013

Family Radio (a.k.a; Family Stations, Inc.) headquartered in Oakland, California has announced that the end of the world has been rescheduled for February 21, 2014. They base their prediction on scripture and on an alignment of planets that will occur on that date. Family Radio and its former CEO, Harold Camping, have previously predicted the end of the world to occur on September 1994, March 1995, May 21, 2011, and October 21,  2011.

Planet orbits for February 21, 2014

Planet orbits for February 21, 2014

According to Family Radio, the Earth will be pulled apart because Mercury, Venus, and Mars will all be in a line and Jupiter and Saturn will be on opposite side of Earth. A spokesperson for Family Radio said:

“We knew the end of the world would not be in 2012. This is what happens when you listen to amateurs and godless heathens.”

When asked about how they determined this date to be the end of the world, the spokesperson said:

“The Mayans essentially were correct, but they made an error when they converted to the metric system.”

It was explained that the prediction of December 21, 2012 placed a one in the place of a zero (12 becomes 02) for the month, and that led to the year being off by two, so instead of 12.21.2012 it should have been 02.21.2014. When asked how the metric system applied to the date, the spokesperson replied:

“It’s too complicated for the lay person to understand. Trust us, we’ve been doing this for a long time.”

GPS for the Homeless

01 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in April Fools Day, Fiction, Passionate People, Respect, Technology

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Dallas, Texas – April 1, 2013

Nancy Brinker Cure for homelessness: GPS

Nancy Brinker Cure for homelessness: A GPS device

Nancy Brinker, former Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure CEO, has a new cause. She is the driving force behind a new non-profit called, GPS 4 Homeless. The project is collecting old Global Positioning System (GPS) devices and giving them to the homeless.

In a news conference held this morning Brinker explained:

“The homeless are just people who are lost and need direction. That is exactly what a GPS device does and if homeless people could afford a GPS device they would no longer be lost! I don’t know why nobody has thought of this before!”

A spokesperson for GPS 4 Homeless added:

“When one of our people upgrade to a newer model they put the old one in a drawer. Now it can be put to good use for those people.”

When asked what they meant by ‘our people,’ the spokesperson responded, “You know, us.” Asked if they meant wealthy white people, the spokesperson replied, “Who else would I be talking about?”

Brinker added:

“This is one cause that has no political division. Everybody wants to help the homeless and that’s what we’re doing.”

GPS 4 Homeless is currently only in Texas, but their plan is to expand into Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Mississippi by 2014.

Chinese Men Givien iPads to Control Birthrate

01 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in April Fools Day, Fiction, Generational, Government, Government Regulation, Health, Information Technology, Internet, Politics, Recreation, Relationships, Social Media Relations, Women

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April 1, 2013 – Beijing, China

iPad in China: Better than sex?

iPad in China: Better than sex?

It was revealed today that the Chinese government struck a deal with Apple to purchase significant quantities of iPads as part of a program to control the birthrate. Unofficial Chinese sources say that they have found that a male with an iPad spends 48% less time engaged in relationship-related activity including coitus.

“The iPad is the ultimate lover as it offers constant attention and requires very little in return,” according to one government source. China expects to reduce the birthrate by 25% or more through the alternative-stimulus program. 

Apple had no public comment on the use of iPads to inhibit sexual intercourse; however, privately a reliable source did say that since iPad was launched in April 2010, the city of Cupertino, California, where Apple is headquartered, has seen no growth in population.

No one offered a direct cause for why the iPad might have an affect in inhibiting sexual activity, but one woman we asked said, “Are you just stupid, or what?”

Apple says it doesn’t expect any shortages of iPads despite the massive purchase; however, they don’t know when any more iPad will be delivered to the United States.

Queen Elizabeth II Abdicates, Five Heirs Refuse Throne

01 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by in Aging, April Fools Day, Fiction, Generational, Politics

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London, England – April 1, 2013

Princess Eugenie to become Queenie Eugenie?

Queenie Eugenie?

Citing the Pope as her inspiration, Queen Elizabeth II shocked the world when it was announced that she would abdicate her throne in order to enjoy her golden years as commoner. Buckingham Palace announced the news and added that Prince Charles, Prince William, Prince Harry, Prince Andrew, and Princess Beatrice all declined to succeed the Queen, leaving Princess Eugenie as the next in line for the throne.

None of the Royal family has spoken publicly about the sudden upheaval; however, sources have stated that Princess Eugenie is quoted to have said, “Hell yes!” when asked if she would consider taking the throne. Royal sources said that the immediate family are requiring that she be fully briefed on the responsibilities she would be assuming if she becomes Queen before her answer is accepted.

Prince Charles apparently politely declined when approached by the Queen, and Prince William is reported to have cited the wish to focus on their new child, rather than assume the throne. Prince Harry is said to have been less graceful in his refusal when he said “Bite me, I’m not that stupid!” No reason was offered on or off the record for Princess Beatrice reason to decline the throne.

Queen Elizabeth II, the second longest reigning monarch, was thought to have a chance to surpass Queen Victoria and become the longest reigning monarch; however, she will apparently fall about two and a half years short of that mark.

If Princess Eugenie, who just turned 23, becomes England’s next Queen, she will be younger that Elizabeth II, who was 25 when she became Queen.

The coronation could be held as soon as this summer or fall depending on how quickly a final decision is reached. 

Boehner, GOP Pass Funding Scheme For Privatized Death Star

01 Monday Apr 2013

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Washington, D.C. – April 1, 2013  

Republicans in Congress managed to slip a little noticed addendum to the budget bill that provides a funding scheme for a Star Wars-like Death Star to be operated and run by private interests. The language of the addendum would void the entire budget bill if removed and authorizes the funding plan if Congress fails to pass or kill the budget bill on it by April 4, 2013. The authors of the measure have created legislation where no action is required to fund the Death Star. House Speaker Boehner (Ohio-R) said:

“We are very comfortable with legislation that requires no action. It’s what we’ve been doing for years and we’re getting very good at it.” (Rep. Boehner)

Under the GOP plan, the project will use a large asteroid pushed into Earth orbit and mine out the luxury condos and living envioronment

Under the GOP plan, the project will use a large asteroid pushed into Earth orbit and mine the luxury condos and living environment out of existing rock

Boehner added that this a budget neutral bill as the initial government funding for the project is a loan that will be repaid by a private consortium over the term of the loan. Unnamed sources have confirmed the term of the loan to be 10,000 years. Representative and former Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) said,

“This is a win-win-win project. It provides hundreds of thousands of new jobs over the next 100 years, it will put America’s back in space again, and it is the mother of all defense programs.” (Rep. Ryan)

When asked about a rumored plan to use prisoners from thousands of American jails as cheap and expendable labor, Ryan replied, “Another win-win! We’ll decrease the prison population and lower construction expenses.”

President Obama was asked about the Death Star project at his press conference today to encourage consideration of discussion regarding of forming a committee to address global warming. The President said:

“You know, back in December we killed this idea and gave good reasons why it should be killed, which is probably why the Republicans ran with it.” (President Obama) 

Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky) chided the press for overstating the military function of the massive artificial satellite. McConnell said:

“Once again the liberal press has labeled this great project to re…re…uhm…what’s the word…reflect, that’s it! Uhm…what was I saying?” (Senator McConnell)

Senator John McCain (R-Arizona) then added:

“I believe that what Senator McConnell is trying to saying is that by referring to it as the ‘Death Star’ the liberal press has given a sinister impression of the purpose of this project. Most of this project will be dedicated to luxury condos for those who wish to use Earth’s Second Moon as their primary or secondary residence.” (Senator McCain)

It was reported by some unnamed sources, one of which was former Vice President Dick Cheney, that former Vice President Dick Cheney will be the President and CEO for the consortium building the artificial satellite. When questions were raised about someone of such advanced age running a 100-year project, Rep. Boehner said:

“We have that covered. We have identified five donors with the correct blood type and tissue match to keep the former Vice President healthy and active for at least the next twenty-five years. After that, we will have five more ready to go.” (Rep. Boehner)

When asked if the media would be allowed to interview the donors Boehner said:

“Oh they don’t know they are donors yet. This is a Homeland Security issue and they’ll know when they need to know.” (Rep. Boehner)

The six organizations will take the lead in the design, construction, operation, ownership of the project were identified are: Exxon, Koch Industries, KBR (the former subsidiary of Halliburton,) The Las Vegas Sands Corporation, the National Rifle Association (NRA), and Papa Johns Pizza.

Cheney said:

“These organizations are a perfect fit to carry out the construction and operation of this project. We have all our bases covered.” (Former VP Cheney)

When asked if the project will have a science component like the International Space Station, Paul Ryan answered:

“It will have a science component, but the science will be limited to the confirmation of the existence of God and how He create our universe. We’re not going to waste millions of dollars chasing after scientific hokum.” (Rep. Ryan)

Representative Steven King (R-Iowa) clarified:

“I think it’s important to understand the primary purpose of the Second Moon project. This is a place for certain people to escape Earth’s bounds and celebrate their success. It’s not the type of place that President Obama’s daughters will go for spring break.”

The project is tentatively scheduled for completion by the 2nd Quarter of 2110.

Coming on Monday: The Apology

28 Thursday Mar 2013

Posted by in April Fools Day, Fiction

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I must apologize in advance regarding the yet to be published stories for Monday.

I apologize to Queen Elizabeth II and to the Royal Family for anything I may write that might offend them next Monday. To them, please know that I have already prepared myself for the call from Buckingham Palace from the man with a firm British voice that will say, “The Queen was NOT amused.” I blame only myself for my severe lack of etiquette and manners. Again, I apologize.

Sincerely,

Paul Kiser, a distant relative of someone whom assuredly offended the Royal Family when they arrogantly skipped country and founded a new nation.

Major Earthquake Hits Eastern California

18 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by in About Reno, Crisis Management, Fiction

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(NOTE:  Today at 10:18 AM PDT Nevada held the 2012 Great Nevada ShakeOut as part of the larger Great ShakeOut program. It is a simulation of a major earthquake. What follows is a fictional account of a massive earthquake near Reno, Nevada. This blog is not associated with the Great Nevada ShakeOut program. The location of the fault, scale, and timing have little geologic or scientific basis except to note that the Sierra Nevada mountain range is currently being pushed up by slow geologic forces. The fault line of this fiction earthquake roughly follows the eastern boundary of the Sierra Nevada batholith.)

Reno, Nevada, October 18, 2012, 6:42 PM 

At 10:18 AM it struck. Four hundred miles along the Sierra Nevada mountain range suddenly jerked up 15 to 20 feet along a newly discovered fault line that runs 400 miles from near Susanville, California south to a point 40 miles southwest of Bakersville, California. The 7.9 earthquake lasted for 3:23 minutes and was an apparent upward movement of the Sierra Nevada block.

Damage included the loss of several dams in the Sierra Nevada range that caused downstream flooding. The worst of this flooding occurred in Reno, Nevada and along the Truckee River. Severe damage to Interstate 80 and roads through the Sierra Nevada range will prevent any travel between northern Nevada and northern California for at least several days, if not weeks. Multiple bridges are damaged or destroyed and rock falls and ground shifting will require rebuilding significant sections of many roads.

Reno and Carson City have the worst damage in populated areas with many homes and buildings uninhabitable. Damage to power, water, gas, and sewer lines will cause those services to be out for several weeks in many areas. Reno has become the most isolated as all roads into Reno have been damaged to the point they are not passable at this time. US 50 is reported to be open with some buckling and cracking east of Carson City, but still passable.

Several fires occurred as a result of the earthquake. Most were localized; however, one structure fire near the National Forest west of Reno and one near Carson City did ignite grass and brush that eventually grew and currently is burning on the slope of the eastern Sierra Nevada range. Emergency crews are already overtaxed in addressing the immediate needs of  the people in the Reno and Carson City areas and the forest fires will be allowed to burn until cool weather extinguishes them. Smoke from the fires is expected to fill the valleys tonight as temperatures drop and the mountain air moves into the lower elevations.

The Reno-Tahoe airport has been closed as damage is assessed. The terminal and parking structure were heavily damaged; however there is no visible damage to the runways that can be seen from the fence bordering the airport.

There are no official reports of casualties; however, several news agencies have reported that at least 21 people are dead and that number is expected to rise over the next few days as rescue and emergency services reach the area. Multiple accounts of survivors rescuing victims trapped in collapsed structures are being reported and construction equipment has been brought into the downtown area of Reno as multiple buildings have partially or completely collapsed.

The University of Nevada, Reno is closed and has multiple damaged buildings; however, no deaths have been reported even though many classes were in session. Damage at several elementary, middle, and high schools have been reported, but earthquake training has been credited with preventing many injuries and death.

The Hunger Games Trilogy: 11 Things I Learned

23 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by in Book Review, Fiction, Lessons of Life

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(NOTE:Spoiler Alert – This list may reveal story details of the entire trilogy, not just the first book.)

The Hunger Games Movie Poster

The film version of The Hunger Games will appear in theatres worldwide this week. I just finished reading the trilogy and here are eleven things I learned from the Scholastic Press books by Suzanne Collins:

  1. If your younger sister is selected for certain death, do not volunteer in her place! You’ll save countless lives and 80 chapters of angst. Let her go.
  2. Girls, if you have a choice between the Baker’s son and a really good hunter you should move. There are better options than the dregs living in your District and hopefully they won’t come with all the baggage.
  3. Katniss Everdeen needs a really good health plan.

    Katniss Everdeen - Poor little poor girl

  4. Presidents should use Victors at their own risk….especially ones with a really good aim.
  5. A marketing plan built around the concept of ‘the girl on fire’ is a bad idea, especially in fiction. Writers love irony.
  6. A society built around  government-imposed, segmented industries is a really stupid idea. Just ask U.S.S.R., East Germany, and China.
  7. Reality shows suck…but I knew that before I read this trilogy.
  8. Not everything that falls from Heaven is good.
  9. Well-ordered books may be a sign of a compulsive author. (3 books, each book with 3 sections, each section with 9 chapters…somebody has a color coded underwear drawer.)
  10. Fashion designers should avoid pissing off the Man.
  11. Books that infer minors involved in graphic violence, nudity, and prostitution can be best sellers…as long as the author keeps the main character celibate.

A version of this article first published as
The Hunger Games Trilogy: 11 Things I Learned

on Technorati.com

Paul Kiser

USA PDT [Twitter: ] [Facebook] [LinkedIn] [Skype: 775.624.5679]

15 Days in January – Day 15

28 Saturday Jan 2012

Posted by in Fiction, Government, History, Science, Space, Technology, US History

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(NOTE: The following is a fictionalized account of the 15 days in January 1986 leading up to the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster on the 28th of that month; however, the details of weather and NASA events are based on known historical data.)

Titusville, Florida
Tuesday, January 28, 1986
High Temp: 46° F Low Temp: 32° F

Challenger and crew clear the tower

Where do I start? Seven amazing, wonderful, smart people lost their lives today. None of us can come to terms with the reality of what happened.

The morning was cold. We opened the water valves on Launch Pad 39B overnight to keep the lines from freezing and ice was all over the pad. Still, that should have not been a problem, nor caused a disaster. We had a delay of two hours because of an equipment failure on the pad, but the fuel and crew were loaded normally and Challenger launched at 11:38 AM.

Ice on Launch Pad 39B after water release to protect pipes

There were no warnings, no alarms, no indication of a problem. At 73 seconds after liftoff a massive cloud surrounded the vehicle and we lost sight of it. Then the Solid Rocket Boosters (SRBs) emerged at the top of the cloud and continued on followed by pieces of debris. We knew that something had happened but it was over a minute before it became apparent that the Orbiter had not survived.

The impact on everyone was a wall of emotions. The feeling of loss because the seven astronauts were our family. The feeling of empathy for the astronaut’s families for their loss. The feeling of anxiety as to if there was something we did that caused this tragedy and the need to find answers as quickly as possible. The loss was made even harder as we all watched helplessly seeing the remains of STS-51L fall into the ocean. Many of us held out hope of the miracle until it became apparent there would not be one.

Much of what happened does not make sense. Any rocket-based vehicle is a flying explosion waiting to happen, but everything possible is done to keep the volatile chemicals from interacting until they reach the nozzle. The cloud was apparently the result of a sudden burn of fuel from the External Tank, which doesn’t necessarily mean it was a violent explosion. If there was an explosion, why did the Solid Rocket Boosters (SRBs) escape, seemingly untouched. Challenger has been cursed with Main Engine problems, so some wonder if one of them failed causing the External Tank (ET) to breach and the fuel to burn, but again, why didn’t the SRBs also explode? 

There has been discussion that the cold might have caused a problem with the seal around the joint of a SRB, but why would that destroy the External Tank (ET) and Orbiter, but have seemingly little or no impact on the SRBs? It is apparent that the ET is key to explaining what happened. A joint could fail and hot gas escape that is aimed directly at the ET, which could cause an explosion, but a joint is 360°around and less than 25% of a joint faces at or near the ET. Odds of a first time failure of a joint facing the ET after 25 missions are ridiculously low.

STS-51L Christa McAuliffe, Gregory Jarvis, Judy Resnik, Mission Commander Dick Scobee, Ronald McNair, Pilot Michael Smith, Ellison Onizuka in White Room on 8 JAN 1986

The biggest question on everyone’s mind is the one no one wants to discuss. What happened to the crew? The Orbiter and ET emerged from the cloud in fragments and some were large enough to be the area where the crew sat during launch. Most of us believe that they were killed instantly, but no one will rest peacefully until we know what happened to them. 

The scope and breadth of this tragedy is far beyond what I could have imagined. Somehow we all have to move forward, but we’re all trying to deal with what happened. Moving forward doesn’t seem possible, right now. The first step in moving forward will be to understand what happened.

TOMORROW: What Happened to STS-51L

15 Days in January – Day 14

27 Friday Jan 2012

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(NOTE: The following is a fictionalized account of the 15 days in January 1986 leading up to the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster on the 28th of that month; however, the details of weather and NASA events are based on known historical data.)

Titusville, Florida
Monday, January 27, 1986
High Temp: 55° F Low Temp: 36° F

Flight deck wide-angle view of STS-51L crew all dressed up and ready to go

It is frustrating when minor issues become show stoppers. Today’s first launch from Pad 39B was thwarted by a simple tool that wouldn’t come off the hatch on Challenger as we locked the crew in the Orbiter. We finally sawed it off and then drilled out a bolt to replace it. By the time we had solved the issue the winds were unacceptable for a landing if we had to abort and bring the Challenger back. We are now scheduled for launch tomorrow morning, January 28.

The weather was cold this morning. We’ve never launched in conditions this cold, but it is a lot colder than 36 ° F only 20,000 feet above Kennedy Space Center (KSC) and the Challenger will be there about 30 seconds after launch. I guess we shouldn’t be complaining down here.

STS-51L mid-deck with rest of crew strapped in

Tomorrow’s forecast is for clear skies and temperatures to be cold overnight and not as warm tomorrow during the day. The big issue on the Launch Pad for us is whether or not the temperatures will drop below freezing tonight. We have a lot of water piped in and around the pad area and if the water in the pipes freeze and break the Challenger might not go up for several days. One option being discussed is to open valves tonight and let the water flow to keep it from freezing. Trying to heat the entire pad area is not a realistic option and any open heat source is dangerous considering the fuels we have in and around the Shuttle.

If everything goes smoothly tomorrow we will finally get Challenger on its way for its 10th mission. We are now almost a week behind on this launch because of the delays of Columbia and the weather, both here and at other abort landing sites. After the launch we have to clean up the chemical residue from the Solid Rocket Boosters (SRBs) and inspect the launch pad area for damage. Repairs and  maintenance will be scheduled and addressed, which is currently underway at Launch Pad 39A after Columbia’s January 12th launch. 

By this time next year we will be more like the gate at an airport with a continuous process of preparing for launch, repairing from launch, and preparing for next launch, with three active pad crews (two here at KSC and one at Vandenberg AFB.) President John F. Kennedy gave our country a dream to reach for the stars and it is exciting to watch the dream become a reality.

15 Days in January – Day 13

26 Thursday Jan 2012

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(NOTE: The following is a fictionalized account of the 15 days in January 1986 leading up to the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster on the 28th of that month; however, the details of weather and NASA events are based on known historical data.)

Titusville, Florida
Sunday, January 26, 1986
High Temp: 66° F Low Temp: 48° F

Launch Rats working on the hydrogen fuel line

What’s next? One of the people on the launch pad team (we’re known as ‘Launch Rats’) likes to say, “What’s next?” He rarely stops moving. Once he’s completed one task he wants to move on. That is a great philosophy to have at NASA. We are constantly facing a new task or issue as we prepare for each launch and in order to address them all we have to keep moving.

That’s also what we have done in the American space program. It was a major achievement to get to the Moon and back, but that was only one task. We started out behind the U.S.S.R. in space technology, but we now are in the pilot’s seat in determining the future of space exploration. U.S.S.R is copying our Shuttle design so they can also have a reusable space vehicle, but they are at least a decade behind us.

Our family of Orbiters have the capacity to build a massive space station, much larger than the Soviet space station that is rumored to be launched sometime this year. Once we have a platform in space we can prepare for extended missions to the Moon or Mars without the current limitation of a single rocket’s lift capabilities. That is what’s next for America’s space program.

Tomorrow, pending good weather, we will send Challenger on its way, and before they are in orbit we have a Launch Rat that will be saying, “What’s next?”

15 Days in January – Day 12

25 Wednesday Jan 2012

Posted by in Education, Fiction, Government, History, Public Relations, Science, Space, Technology, US History

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(NOTE: The following is a fictionalized account of the 15 days in January 1986 leading up to the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster on the 28th of that month; however, the details of weather and NASA events are based on known historical data.)

Titusville, Florida
Saturday, January 25, 1986
High Temp: 73° F Low Temp: 57° F

Teacher in Zero G - Christa McAuliffe trains for STS-51L

The launch of STS-51L is now scheduled for Monday. We were scheduled for a liftoff Sunday morning, but tomorrow’s weather is predicted to be as bad or worse than today’s, which was foggy until about noon. Hopefully, we can get Challenger off the ground on the 27th and then focus on Columbia’s next launch in March.

The seven astronauts going up with Challenger on Monday include our first teacher. The Teacher in Space Project was announced by President Ronald Reagan in the Fall of 1984. Last Summer Vice President George Bush announced that Sharon Christa McAuliffe was selected as the first Teacher in Space from 11,000 applicants. Christa teaches in Concord, New Hampshire and submitted her application on the last day they were being accepted.

STS-51L crew trains for emergency evacuation from launch pad

Mrs. McAuliffe, as she is known in the classroom, has always dreamed of being part of the space program and is pleased to have the chance to take her classroom skills into space. Christa talked about the opportunity she has been given, saying:

Imagine me teaching from space, all over the world, touching so many people’s lives. That’s a teacher’s dream! I have a vision of the world as a global village, a world without boundaries. Imagine a history teacher making history!

In addition to Mrs. McAuliffe will be four members of the ‘Class of 1978.’ Commander Francis R.’Dick’ Scobee, Mission Specialists Ellison ‘El’ S. Onizuka, Judith ‘Judy’ A. Resnik, and Ronald ‘Ron’ E. McNair were all selected as astronaut candidates in January of 1978. The other two crew members are Pilot Michael J. Smith and Payload Specialist Gregory Jarvis.

Commander Dick Scobee noted the opportunity of the Teacher in Space Project when he said:

“My perception is the real significance of it, and especially a teacher, is that it will get people in this country, especially the young people, expecting to fly in space. That’s the best thing that can happen to our program. The short-term gain is a publicity gain. The long term gain is getting expectations of the young people in this country to the point where they expect to fly in space, they expect to go there, they expect this country to pursue a program that allows it to be in space permanently to work and live there, to explore the planets.”

The Teacher in Space Project is just one more part in keeping America a world leader by bringing space down to Earth. On Monday we will take the next step with the beginning of mission STS-51L…assuming the weather cooperates!

15 Days in January – Day 11

24 Tuesday Jan 2012

Posted by in Communication, Education, Fiction, Government, History, Information Technology, Science, Space, Technology, US History

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(NOTE: The following is a fictionalized account of the 15 days in January 1986 leading up to the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster on the 28th of that month; however, the details of weather and NASA events are based on known historical data.)

Titusville, Florida
Friday, January 24, 1986
High Temp: 66° F Low Temp: 55° F

TDRS satellite to be launched by Challenger STS-51L

This afternoon’s launch had to be scrubbed. The weather here was cool and damp, but the real problem was the weather at one of the abort landing sites. We have an alternate abort site but they cannot handle a nighttime landing (an abort on this side of the world would be a night landing there,) so the launch was rescheduled for tomorrow morning in case we have to activate the alternate abort site. That would allow Challenger to land in daylight at the alternate site if they have to abort.

The launch was then pushed back another day because of the morning versus afternoon liftoff. The problem is that we have a set amount of work to do and it was quickly determined that we would not be ready for launch by Saturday morning. Mission Control then moved the launch to Sunday morning. 

SPARTAN 203 satellite to have its eye on Halley's Comet

Once we finally do get Challenger in orbit, the STS-51L mission has several goals. One will be to launch the TDRS-2 satellite, which is a communications relay station for analog and digital signals. These satellites are the next generation in communication technology allowing information to be transmitted around the world in seconds. Another small satellite called SPARTAN 203 is being deployed to observe Halley’s Comet, which will reach its perihelion (closest approach to the Sun) on February 9, 1986.

In addition, this mission will send our first “Teacher in Space.” More about that tomorrow. 

15 Days in January – Day 10

23 Monday Jan 2012

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(NOTE: The following is a fictionalized account of the 15 days in January 1986 leading up to the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster on the 28th of that month; however, the details of weather and NASA events are based on known historical data.)

Titusville, Florida
Thursday, January 23, 1986
High Temp: 75° F Low Temp: 53° F

Earth looking out through Challenger cargo bay

Tomorrow we should launch Challenger on its 10th mission. Temperatures were seasonal today; however, the weather is questionable as another cold front is moving through tomorrow. We won’t know if the launch is a go or not until a few hours or less before liftoff.

Beyond weather considerations, there are thousands of things that have to be perfect before a mission is given a “go for launch.” It’s a wonder we ever get a Space Shuttle off the ground. Every individual component of the Orbiter, the External Tank (ET), and the Solid Rocket Boosters (SRBs) is rated in one of five categories of impact on the mission, vehicle, and/or crew if the part fails. The ratings are as follows:

  • Criticality 1 (C1) – Loss of vehicle or crew if the component fails
  • Criticality 2 (C2) – Loss of mission
  • Criticality 3 (C3) – Component will not have fatal impact on crew, vehicle, or mission if it alone fails
  • Criticality 1R (C 1R) – Redundant component, but loss of vehicle or crew if both primary and redundant components fail
  • Criticality 2R (C 2R) – Redundant component, but loss of mission if both primary and redundant components fail

Any component that is not rated C3 and has a known issue not only stops the countdown, but the entire program, until resolved. When trying to put seven people and tons of cargo into Earth orbit, there are a lot of components that fall into the C1, C2, C 1R, or C 2R categories. Safety can be annoying, but it save lives.

Crew of Challenger STS-7 mission working in space

That said, it is impossible for any human, regardless of how careful, intelligent or well-educated, to be able to anticipate every possible problem. Exploration of uncharted territory comes with a price and that price is the loss of human life. Over 700 people died trying to reach the North Pole and even there we have air to breathe, water, and survivable temperatures if properly dressed. In space there is no air, no water, and a human dies if directly exposed to the vacuum of space.

Space travel is risky on the best of days. Astronauts are put in a ship that is designed to be as light-weight as possible with no significant armor or shielding around them. They are attached to two highly explosive solid rocket boosters that would flatten a small city if they exploded, connected to a massive tank filled with hydrogen and oxygen that has a nasty tendency to flash burn if it comes in contact to even a small flame or spark.

In addition, the speeds and the pressures that astronauts experience are unlike any other reality most humans can imagine. There is no doubt that human life will be lost in the pursuit of space exploration. We will do everything we can to safeguard our astronauts, but at some point we will discover what we did not anticipate. At some point an accident will occur on the ground or in flight. We will investigate, learn where we failed and moved forward again.

For centuries humans sailed near the coastline because no one knew what lie out across the sea. Staying close to shore taught us how to sail, while minimizing the risk. Even then ships sank and people died. The Space Shuttle program is our way of sailing near the coastline. We send people up into low Earth orbit and learn how to ‘sail’ in space. After a few decades we will be ready to go out into open space, just as ships were ready to cross open seas.

There are some who ask why should we reach out into space. That is probably what some people asked sailors who went off to explore the new world. But those brave men sailed off into uncharted waters and everything we now enjoy in the United States of America is due to those who took the risks to leave behind the safety of ‘the known’ in order to explore the unknown.

The answer to those people who want to know ‘why’ is simply this: we don’t know why…YET. After we get there we will know why it was so important we went. That is the way it has always been when exploring the unknown. That is the way it will always be.