Tag Archives: parenting

Should You Become a Parent?

02 Friday Feb 2018

Posted by in About Reno, Aging, Communication, Generational, Lessons of Life, Opinion, parenting, Pride, Relationships, Respect, Women

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! …okay, that’s out of my system. The following is my opinion of whether a person should become a parent. I don’t have a degree in child development, nor do I work with children or parents in any capacity, other than being a parent and the routine contact with other parents. Not being qualified to talk about a topic, including parenting, has never stopped me before, so why would today be any different?

The Smith's and the Waskey's: Parents Extraordinaire

Parenting:  Understanding who is in charge…(hint: it’s the one in front)

Being a parent is the most important, full-time job in the world. It has been around since…well, forever. There are people who are amazing parents and there are people who should never be allowed near children. Most of us fall in the grey area in the middle.

There are definitely people who should never become parents. It not a majority, but it is a significant number. It is unfortunate that there is not a test for parenting. The greatest crime in the history of the world is a parent that inflicts physic and/or emotional abuse on their son or daughter or neglects her or him. 

You? A Parent?

As for the rest of the world, they are the people who should be or are parents. The question is whether or not YOU should be a parent. Here are my thoughts:

You Don’t Like Children?

You may not think that you should become a parent. It’s possible you are correct, but I know a lot of people who were absolutely convinced they didn’t want children, only to have their first child born and hit them a powerful dose of parent dust. Even if you don’t like children, perhaps you just don’t like other children. You never know until you have your own child.

You Will Get the Child You Deserve

I’ve seen this time and time again. A parent is fastidious and super-organized. She has a child that is messy and disorganized. A parent is an introvert. He has a son who is loud and bossy. It is part of the grand scheme. A child is, by design, your teacher and you will learn how to love the behaviors you hate, or you will die.

We spend our young adult lives figuring out who we are, what we like, and what we don’t like, only to have some pint-sized monomaniac systematically shred every value we thought we had. Being a good parent makes you a better person, even if you thought you already were.

Being a Parent is the Reason For Life

There are very few people who are known for their personal contributions to the world. Queen Elizabeth II, William Shakespeare, Rosa Parks, Mahatma Gandhi, J. K. Rowling, are some examples. The rest of us will not be known for our great work but will be known by our children. If we are lucky we might have a descendent that accomplishes something outside of being a parent, but being a parent is the only accomplishment that a person can claim is unique to them.

You Will Fail, Fall Short, But Still Succeed

A good parent fails on a daily basis. I don’t know why, but that is a reality. A good parent can’t let these failures to change her or his enthusiasm for parenting. He or she will discover how insignificant these failures are after the child becomes an adult. I don’t know why. It’s a mystery.

Should You Be a Parent?

Becoming a parent changes your life. If a parent attempts to fight against the change a child makes in her or his life, they will be unhappy. A person who lives all his or her life without becoming a parent has either failed at life or found a substitute for parenting in their life. They may have had great adventures, become a teacher or a mentor, explored their creativity, dedicated themselves to an enterprise or organization, or followed some other path that defined his or her life.

But as a parent, your life becomes defined by the simple act of connecting your life to another with the intent of serving her or his needs until such time that they can do it on their own. After that, you get to watch and be amazed.

You should be a parent if you have the capacity to discover how important, and insignificant you are in the universe.

[COUNT TO 500: 491st Article in PAULx]

Some Links To Consider

Are You Ready to be a Parent?

12 Things You Should Know About Becoming a Parent

Five Reasons We Become Parents

10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Becoming a Parent

Should I Be a Parent Quiz

In Defense of Parenting:  They Can Be Amazing (If That’s What You Want)

The Ugly Side of Annual Vacations with the Extended Family

15 Friday Jul 2016

Posted by in Aging, Generational, Health, Lessons of Life, Respect, Travel

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But you like to be with my family!

If I had a British pound for every time that was said regarding the annual extended family vacation, I would have less than what I had a month ago…but that’s another story.

_DSC3743 (2)The annual extended family vacation. I’m not talking about the vacation where you and your spouse plan to go to a new and different place every year with your children. That activity has its own stresses and issues, but is usually a healthy activity for those involved. What I’m talking about is when one person or one family decides to go to the same place every year, and others are expected to join them.

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Often it starts with a family having a traditional summer vacation to the same place with their children, but as the children become adults, they may stop going on the annual vacation.

However, after they marry and begin their own families, they are invited to rejoin the annual family vacation, with an expectation that the spouses will become part of their annual pilgrimage. For a few years it may be a fun event, something to look forward to each summer, but then the event becomes more important than any other vacation that doesn’t involve the extended family. Vacations become determined by bloodlines, not along family lines.

Alternate vacation ideas, or visits to relatives that aren’t of the bloodline of the family of origin become a lower priority. Everyone is expected to preserve and protect the big event. After so many times of going to the same place with another family, or families, one may begin to feel that they’re tagging along on someone else’s vacation. Once in the situation, you can only be the bad person if you refuse to go.

There are always great reasons for extended families to get together occasionally. It is an opportunity to reclaim family ties, and share time together. Going for a week or more on trip with a group of people can be fun; however, committing two or more families to an annual vacation, to the destination determined by one family says something about the nature of the relationship of one family over another. 

However, vacations that are determined by one family, or one side of the family, year after year after year, are about control. At some point an adult child has to decide whether their commitment is to their family of origin, or to their own family. 

How to Choose Your Favorite Son or Daughter

20 Saturday Dec 2014

Posted by in Aging, Lessons of Life, parenting, Pride, Relationships

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And the favorite child is?

And the favorite child is?

Every family that has more than one child faces a question as to which one is the favorite child. When asked, a parent will typically say, “They’re all my favorite,” which is BS and we all know it. Every parent should be able to know which child is their favorite, even if they can’t be honest about it.

Evaluating Your Offspring

Trying to determine which is your favorite is not as easy as it sounds. Flight attendants giving the pre-flight safety briefing on Southwest Airlines sometimes encourage parents of flying with more than one child to determine which child has the best earning potential in case they have to choose one to give oxygen in the event the cabin depressurizes. This is funny the first 20 times you hear it, but that doesn’t stop  them from delivering the joke 100 hundreds of times.

However, earning potential is a poor criteria for determining a favorite child…unless you have a binding contract that gives you a kickback as a quid pro quo for favorite child status. Quite frankly, successful adults often start out as horrible offspring, so I would not use earning potential as a factor.

Ease of child-rearing is also not a reliable criteria. Often it is the badly behaved child that teaches us the most about ourselves and our skills as a parent. Bad children can also become grateful adults, although one shouldn’t bank on that either.

Children who are ‘Mama’s boy’ or ‘Daddy’s girl’ should not be considered as an indicator of favorite child status. Sweet young children can become Satan’s spawn as teenagers, leaving the parent to wonder what they did wrong…as if the parent is at fault.

Children who remain in constant contact, calling their Mom or Dad daily, may seem like candidates for the favorite child, but this stalking technique is illegal in most states, so it doesn’t seem prudent to consider it as a factor?

So how does a parent determine the favorite child?

I have two adult daughters and a nine-year-old son. My daughters have successful lives, wonderful children and selected husbands that are more intelligent than their (my daughter’s) father. My son works hard to do his best and constantly impresses me with his development out of conservative it’s-all-about-me behavior into liberal, make-the-world better behavior. It would seem I would have a difficult time choosing the favorite….

….but I don’t.

The secret to choosing your favorite child is remembering that life is made up of moments. Every moment (in person or by phone or text) with one or more of my children is a moment with my favorite child or children. Our offspring don’t often understand why ‘family gatherings’ are so important to parents because they don’t realize that it is a time when a parent is rich with favorite children.

This doesn’t mean any of our children fall out of favor just because they are not with the parent at any given moment. Children are part of a parent’s life at all times, but when we have the opportunity to interact with our children, the moment is special.

Children are our legacy and we can move on in our lives reassured that we have accomplished all we needed to when we have raised a child. Our offspring become the painting of life we create as parents.We are artists and when we spend time with our children we can admire the grace and creativity of work that we did without a manual, training or degree. We can’t take credit for everything our children become, but we can smile and be content in that role we played in their lives….even if they don’t realize it.

This holiday season, remember to enjoy your favorite child and know that you are not limited to just one. Happy Holidays!

A Glimpse of Education in Panama

22 Saturday Nov 2014

Posted by in Customer Relations, Education, Information Technology, Internet, parenting, Passionate People, Technology, Travel

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The Principal in the classroom in Panama

Teaching children is a challenge anywhere in the world. Culture, government, and environment all affect the quality of education. Still, it seems that the foundation of any great school is the dedication of the staff to the students.

Recently I was on my second visit to a community about 90 km (60 mi.) from Panama City, Panama. While in the area I decided to research their education system by dropping in on a local school, the Centro Educativo San Jose elementary school.

It should be noted that to truly understand the education system in Panama, I should first be proficient in Spanish, and second, I should visit multiple schools, both private and public, over a period of weeks or months. A thirty minute conversation with the Principal, who does not speak English, and a teacher acting as my interpreter is only enough to give a first impression.

However, there are clues about the quality of education that are instantly obvious and transcend language barriers.

2014NN_100DSC_0118 (2)Laughing children. It is difficult to bridle the enthusiasm of children, but some schools seem to manage to stifle the joy of childhood. Centro Educativo San Jose has not made this mistake. At this elementary school the children were well-behaved, but laughing and smiling. It was obvious they understood discipline, but they were obviously happy to be at school.

Panama celebrates Thanksgiving

Panama celebrates Thanksgiving

Helpful children. When I arrived I first met an adult with several children. I wasn’t sure of her role in the school (she may have been a parent,) but when I asked if she spoke English, she said, “No.” Instantly a young girl at her side pointed at one of the teachers and indicated she spoke English, then the girl quickly ran to the teacher and brought her to me. This girl knew she could help and did so without hesitation. That tells me that the school encourages critical thinking that empowers children with the ability to respond quickly to a situation.

Professional Staff. In the tropics the temperature is near 30° C (86° F) year round and the humidity wraps around you like a wet towel. There is no air conditioning at this school and any breeze is welcome in the classroom. Despite these environmental conditions, the staff at the school looked and acted professional.

What I learned during my visit surprised me. The students have access to computers and they have a ‘Technology Room” filled with computers. I couldn’t tell if the computers were connected to the Internet; however, I did not expect an 80 year-old public school to have dozens of desktop computers with flat screen monitors.

This school is funded by government support, which limits the per/student resources; however, most schools in Panama are private where parents pay $1,500 to $3000 per year for tuition.

Many schools in Panama operate double sessions with one group of students attending in the morning and another attending in the afternoon. At this school the morning session is 7 AM to 12 Noon, and the second session is 12 Noon to 5 PM.2014NN_120DSC_0130 (2)

While most private schools are open twelve months a year, public schools are in session March through December, and have ‘summer’ break in January and February.

I asked about homework and parent involvement and heard what I expected. Once the students leave the school they are not expected to do homework and parents are not typically involved in assisting the staff in school. In an environment of low pay and long working hours, parents likely have no time to be involved in their children’s education.

I was told the biggest challenge is teaching English to the students. The impact of being bilingual is significant in a working adult’s life in Panama, and anywhere else. Yet, It is hard to explain that to a child in rural Panama whose only encounter with another language is in the school.

I’m grateful to have the opportunity to visit the school, and hope to do it again the next time I’m in Panama. I apologize to the Principal and the teacher who interpreted for me. I failed to write their names down before I left. Both graciously gave me valuable time out of their schedule and I appreciate it.

It was a pleasure meeting dedicated professionals who are changing lives every day by caring about the future of the students in their school.

Espanol Version (Using Google Translate)

Enseñar a los niños es un desafío en cualquier parte del mundo. Cultura, gobierno, medio ambiente y afectan la calidad de la educación. Aún así, parece que el fundamento de cualquier gran escuela es la dedicación del personal de los estudiantes.

Hace poco estuve en mi segunda visita a una comunidad a unos 90 km (60 mi.) De la Ciudad de Panamá, Panamá. Mientras que en la zona me decidí a investigar su sistema educativo por meterme en una escuela local, la escuela primaria Centro Educativo San José.

Cabe señalar que para comprender verdaderamente el sistema de educación en Panamá, que primero debería ser competentes en español, y en segundo lugar, que debe visitar varias escuelas, tanto públicas como privadas, en un periodo de semanas o meses. Una conversación treinta minutos con el director, que no habla Inglés, y un profesor que actúa como mi intérprete sólo es suficiente para dar una primera impresión.

Sin embargo, hay pistas sobre la calidad de la educación que son inmediatamente obvias y trascienden las barreras del idioma.

Niños de risa. Es difícil de frenar el entusiasmo de los niños, pero algunas escuelas parecen manejar a silenciar la alegría de la infancia. Centro Educativo San José no ha cometido este error. En esta escuela primaria los niños estaban bien atendidos, pero riendo y sonriendo. Era obvio que entendían la disciplina, pero eran obviamente feliz de estar en la escuela.

Niños útiles. Cuando llegué por primera vez a un adulto con varios hijos. Yo no estaba seguro de su papel en la escuela (que puede haber sido uno de los padres), pero cuando le pregunté si hablaba Inglés, dijo, “No.” Al instante una chica joven a su lado señaló a uno de los profesores y indica que hablaba Inglés, entonces la chica corrió rápidamente a la maestra y la trajo a mí. Esta chica sabía que podía ayudar y lo hizo sin dudarlo. Eso me dice que la escuela promueve el pensamiento crítico que permite a los niños con la capacidad para responder rápidamente a una situación.

Personal Profesional. En los trópicos la temperatura es de cerca de 30 ° C (86 ° F) durante todo el año y los abrigos de humedad a su alrededor como una toalla húmeda. No hay aire acondicionado en esta escuela y cualquier brisa es bienvenida en el salón de clases. A pesar de estas condiciones ambientales, el personal de la escuela parecía y actuaba profesional.

Lo que aprendí durante mi visita me sorprendió. Los estudiantes tienen acceso a computadoras y tienen un ‘Room Tecnología “lleno de computadoras. No podría decir si los equipos estaban conectados a Internet; Sin embargo, no esperaba un 80 años de edad de escuelas públicas para tener docenas de computadoras de escritorio con monitores de pantalla plana.

Esta escuela está financiado por el apoyo del gobierno, lo que limita los recursos per / estudiante; Sin embargo, la mayoría de las escuelas en Panamá son privadas donde los padres pagan $ 1.500 a $ 3000 por mes para la matrícula.

Muchas escuelas en Panamá operan sesiones dobles con un grupo de estudiantes que asisten por la mañana y otra que asisten por la tarde. En esta escuela la sesión de la mañana a 7 de la mañana a 12 del mediodía, y la segunda sesión es de 12 del mediodía a 17:00.

Aunque la mayoría de las escuelas privadas están abiertas los doce meses del año, las escuelas públicas están en sesión de marzo a diciembre, y tienen descanso “verano” en enero y febrero.

Le pregunté acerca de la tarea y la participación de los padres y escuché lo que me esperaba. Una vez que los estudiantes salen de la escuela a la que no se espera que hagan los deberes y los padres no suelen participar en la asistencia al personal de la escuela. En un entorno de bajos salarios y largas horas de trabajo, los padres probablemente no tienen tiempo para participar en la educación de sus hijos.

Me dijeron que el mayor desafío es la enseñanza de Inglés a los estudiantes. El impacto de ser bilingüe es importante en la vida de un adulto que trabaja en Panamá, y en cualquier otro lugar. Es difícil de explicar que a un niño que sólo el encuentro con otro idioma es en la escuela.

Fue un placer conocer a los profesionales que están cambiando vidas todos los días por el cuidado por el futuro de los estudiantes en su escuela dedicada.

Things I didn’t know about being a Father of a four-year-old Boy

28 Tuesday Sep 2010

Posted by in Branding, Lessons of Life, parenting, Passionate People, Pride, Random, Relationships, Respect, Rotary

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by Paul Kiser
USA PDT  [Twitter: ] [Facebook] [LinkedIn] [Skype:kiserrotary or 775.624.5679]

Paul Kiser

I am a Father three times over, but my first two were girls, which were relatively simple to raise and well-behaved…at least that is what I choose to remember. But the young boys I have known in my life are anything but well-behaved and I was nervous about being the Father of a boy. My son will turn five in a couple of weeks and I have realized that my nervousness was justified.  Here are a few of the things I didn’t expect about being a Father to a 4 year-old boy:

  • I didn’t know I would have to justify which route I took home from Starbucks. When the little guy in the back seat says, “Dad, why do you go home this way?,” you have to either play the ‘I’m-the-adult-and-that’s-why’ card, or you have to try to explain the subtleties of traffic, time of day, and the desire to travel on surface streets with the sunroof open. Wise or not, I usually try to explain things, because I’m a teacher at my core … but I’m rethinking that approach.

    Why IS the sky blue?

  • I didn’t know I would have to answer questions that force me to defend the stupidity of our language, like, “How come we say the alarm is going off, when it is on?” (i.e.; making noise). It’s a great question. Anyone want to field that one?
  • I didn’t know that going to the bathroom is a wait-until-you-only-have-seconds-before-disaster event and under no circumstances is possible upon suggestion by a parent.
  • I didn’t know little boys really did ask, “Why is the sky blue?” and expect an answer that they can understand. Have you ever tried to be the first person to explain the concept of a planet, the sun, photons, the atmosphere, and light absorption to someone? It is worse if someone else is present because it is like making lasagna, everyone has a better way of doing it.

    Alexander with of his cousin

  • I didn’t know that a four-year-old boy could flirt … and he’s really good at it … when the girl is at least three times his age.
  • I didn’t know how well a boy could manipulate …uhm, his Mom. This one happened today. “Mom, could I have another treat…because you love me?” Fortunately, I’m immune to such ploys!
  • I didn’t know a boy could have such joy over catching grasshoppers and bugs. It seems a cliché about a boy and bugs, but the desire to catch and detain anything smaller than him is hardwired in his behavior.
  • I didn’t know I would become aware of every child around me even when my son is not there. Why should I care? These other kids have parents keeping watch on them, but when I see a child about to do something hazardous the urge to usurp the other parent’s authority is sometimes overwhelming.

    Mowing the lawn is a team effort

  • I didn’t know I would have to wait to mow the lawn until he would be there to ‘help’ me. This was a recent quote, “Dad, I’m glad you waited until I got home to mow the lawn because I would be really angry with you if you had done it when I’m not here.” I have my orders.
  • I didn’t know that I could be attacked and beaten on with such zeal. I’m really hoping he learns to pull his punches before he gets too strong.
  • I didn’t know that a boy could change my attitude … about being the Father of a boy. Still, if you’re about to be a Father of a boy, we need to talk.
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I mow my lawn because…

17 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by in Branding, Business, Club Leadership, Communication, Crisis Management, Customer Relations, Customer Service, Employee Retention, Ethics, Government Regulation, Higher Education, Lessons of Life, Management Practices, Membership Recruitment, Membership Retention, Passionate People, Public Relations, Random, Re-Imagine!, Recreation, Relationships, Rotary, The Tipping Point

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by Paul Kiser
USA PDT  [Twitter: ] [Facebook] [LinkedIn] [Skype:kiserrotary or 775.624.5679]

Paul Kiser

Mowing the lawn is a futile task.

It’s like Agent Smith said to Mr. Anderson (Neo) in The Matrix as he held him as the subway train rushed toward them:

Do you hear that Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your own death.

That is what my lawn says to me everyday as it smirks and says, “Do you hear that Mr. Kiser? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of nature winning.” It doesn’t stop with the grass. Everyday we face the battle against the march of  time. We live in a reality that will always have the last word…and last laugh. We cannot win….

Agent Smith: The sound of inevitability

…but I don’t see it that way.

I mow my lawn and I do it as an act of defiance. Yes, it is going to grow back, and yes, I could spend my time some other way than weekly harvesting my valueless grass, but that would be giving up.

We can have small victories. We can defy the odds and make nature work for her ‘inevitability’. Yes, the grass will grow, but look at my lawn and today… it didn’t win. The day belongs to me and my lawnmower. Take your inevitability and chew on it, Mother Nature, because today I own you.

In the past few years I have noticed that many people have given in to Agent Smith. They see only the inevitability. Everything will only lead to failure, so why try? The only problem is that everything great that humans have accomplished have been done by defying inevitability. bridges, tunnels, interstate highways, monuments, dams, water systems, sewer systems, powerlines,….the list goes on. It is in our nature to defy nature…and win….even if it is only for today.

Whether it is the start of a new school year, greeting the 833rd customer of the day, inviting the 18th prospective new member when the first 17 didn’t join, planning the fundraiser…again, walking around and talking to the employees for the third time today, or convincing someone that a new creative idea really can work, we beat the odds and make inevitability wait and that’s why we exist.

Beating inevitability

So I will continue to mow my lawn…until Alexander is old enough to do it.

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Signs of the Times

19 Wednesday May 2010

Posted by in Branding, Communication, History, Lessons of Life, Membership Retention, parenting, Passionate People, Random, Rotary, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Social Media Relations

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by Paul Kiser

Last weekend we took a short vacation in the Bay area (Pacifica/San Francisco, CA, USA.) During the trip I took notice of signs along the way and it struck me that they might say more about us…than to us. Here are some signs of note:

Do you want to be Smart or Stupid?

Obvious Choices
This sign on Market street in San Francisco spoke a truth that you can’t argue with…but does it need to be said? In politics and entertainment we definitely see who has balls and they do seem to gather a following, but maybe it’s time we celebrate intelligence. The great outcome of social media is that people are looking deeper than just short, catchy statements that gain a “Right on!” from those who are wowed by a deceptive turn of phrase.

In politics it seems the more outrageous the idea the more excited some people get about a candidate. I’ve watched people become incensed over very sound ideas to solve our most significant problems and those same people then praise politicians that spew out hate for everything that has made our country great. I hope that this is a phase that we outgrow soon…before the ballsy people destroy all that we stand for as Americans.

I'm not sure of the purpose of this Nike ad, but from a Social Media viewpoint it's 'write' on
The pen is mightier than the sword

Write On!
I hadn’t seen this Nike ad before. It is in the Union Square area of San Francisco and if Nike is speaking of the explosion of Social Interactive Media then I agree!

Before the Internet and Social Media tools a small group of editors controlled who could have a voice and be published. Now new and raw ideas are being openly expressed in millions of independent blogs. Some of us could use an editor, but the beauty of this New World of communication is that the reader is the editor…it is democracy in its purest form.

A great future is coming…today is still under construction

We’re Not There Yet
Some people seem easily frustrated that we never get ‘there’. We are in a world where change is constant and the road is always in a state of being improved. Satisfaction is the most temporary of all human feelings and people who do not understand this fact will always be deceived by bad politicians and religious fanatics who promise a perfect tomorrow if we only do exactly what they tell us.

Buddhists promote the idea of being and I think that is a great attitude to have to survive this world. Take advice from the musical group Black Eyed Peas. To me the title of one of their latest songs says it all: Imma Be. Yes the world is always changing but that is what makes it exciting. Take a break from time to time and then re-engage and have some fun!

Greet the day and be open for new possibilities

Arms Wide Open
Yes, I had to get my four year-old in on this blog. In Union Square he thought he could catch a bird. He actually knew that he couldn’t, but that did not dissuade him from trying.

I hope that he can maintain a sense of wonder and never let those that think it can’t be done hold him back from trying. There are people in this world whose sole function is to be a naysayer. These people infest anyplace where past success has built up an organization. They constantly destroy all new ideas and creativity in the name of ‘preserving the traditions.’ Don’t ever believe it! The only way to counter their negative attitude is to ignore them and move on.

Lots of choices, but where do we want to go?

Where to Go?
It doesn’t have to be confusing. We only need to remember that life happens. Today is tomorrow’s history and we choose which signs to follow to get there.

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How to Become Zen Master of Social Media

04 Tuesday May 2010

Posted by in Consulting, Information Technology, Lessons of Life, Passionate People, Public Relations, Rotary, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Social Media Relations

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by Paul Kiser

Three States of Being: Taking In, Reflecting, and Giving Out

Today I read two articles that sparked a ‘Zen’ moment for me. It hit me that the ideal for a person who seeks to be Social Media Leader (or Master, if you prefer) is one who balances three different states of being.

Before I go into the three states of being I want to credit the two articles that led me to this enlightenment because I think they are well worth the read. The first article is by Tanveer Naseer titled, The Power of Reflection in Leadership. In the article he discusses the need for leaders to schedule reflection time in her or his day.  I am a regular reader of Mr. Naseer’s blog because he has great insight on a wide variety of topics.

(Link to The Power of Reflection in Leadership)

The second article I came across via LinkedIn and the Social Media Network titled, The Two Essential Steps to Becoming a Thought Leader by Brandon Cox. His points are simple, but the idea of becoming a Thought Leader is an important concept for anyone who wishes to be more than a do-what-your-told drone.

(Link to The Two Essential Steps to Becoming a Thought Leader)

I want to clarify that I don’t see myself as a Zen Master of Social Media, just one who wants to walk the path, but the combination of these two articles gave me a moment of clarity about what is needed for anyone who strives to be more than a user of Social Media.

Because Social Media is a new evolution in individual communication and is constantly transforming it is necessary for a leader in Social Media to research and observe. The Zen Master of Social Media must first be a Seeker of knowledge. As Naseer puts it, he or she must climb the mountain, but the mountain of Social Media has no summit. Like so many hikes I have taken in Colorado, the top of one summit only allows you to see the next summit.

A leader of Social Media must also be a Reflector of Social Media.  Learning about the function of a tool is important, but one must use the tool to truly understand the value of the it. Being a Reflector allows others to observe and learn best practices, and then to innovate new practices from the foundation laid by the ‘master’.

Finally, a leader of Social Media must be a Mentor.  Giving out the knowledge gained from being a Seeker and a Reflector is an essential function of a leader. Teaching helps others to learn, but as any Teacher can tell you, their knowledge of a subject becomes solidified as they organize their thoughts to present the information to their students.

By being equal parts of a Seeker, Reflector, and Mentor the Social Media Leader will find balance and continuous growth as they seek to reach a perfect Zen state….and then they need to shut off his or her computer and go play with their children.

A Zen of a Different Kind

A Post Script: While researching for this blog I came across a new book titled, The Zen of Social Media by Shama Kabani, published by BellaBooks.  I have downloaded it off of Amazon.com.  I may add a follow-up blog once I have read her book, but it looks interesting!

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Positive Harm to Our Son Doesn’t Feel Okay

03 Saturday Apr 2010

Posted by in About Reno, Lessons of Life, parenting, Random

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Alexander prepares for 'play' surgery

On Monday we will get up early and take our four and a half  year-old boy, Alexander, to Renown Hospital in Reno.  He is basically healthy…that is when he doesn’t stick a plastic bead up his nose,

See Blog Post

but he snores and is awaken at night because his tonsils have grown too large and block his airway when he sleeps.  He also has a persistent cough at night that comes and goes.   We are confident this is absolutely necessary as his Dentist (Dr. Stoker), his Family Practitioner (Dr. McCarthy), and two Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) Specialist have all agreed:  Tonsils Must Go.

Play Surgery to Prep for the Real Surgery

Still, it is getting harder to shrug off that this surgery is going to hurt him and there are always risks and complications that can’t be anticipated.  Parents may not be required to take the Hippocratic Oath (First, Do No Harm), but even so, it’s instinct for most of us, and when we turn Alexander over to Dr. Jenny Van Duyne on Monday morning we will be asking her to hurt our son.  Yes, in the long run he will be better off, but that doesn’t change the fact that when he comes back from surgery he will be injured.

Our Play Operating Room

Ironically, I was pushing for us to have him checked out and to have this surgery done.  I had my tonsils out when I was around six and I was eating crackers the next day.  My older brother Mike had his done around the same time and as a teenager he had a much harder time recovering from the surgery.  Of course, that was back in the days of rusty, old surgery instruments when doctors sharpened knives with a leather strap…okay, it wasn’t that bad, but it  was almost 50 years ago.

Post Play Surgery Recovery Room

It doesn’t seem that the surgery has changed that much and the recovery time is one to two weeks, so this is not an overnight hurt that will be better the next day.  We also know he gets worried and scared in unfamiliar situations, so we took him for a tour of the Operating Room last week and Nurse Toni did a great job of reassuring him.  He’s also watched a DVD over and over that was produced to help children overcome their fears of this surgery.  Finally, we’ve been practicing the before, during, and after surgery with me as the doctor (complete with poofy shower cap) and him as the really good patient.  So far, so good, but Monday morning will be the final exam for all of us.

I was thinking that this was going to be harder on Mom than Dad, and in the end I will likely push my fears aside for Alexander and Mom, but it still feels odd….I don’t know, maybe it’s just the poofy shower cap.

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A Better Parent..Not Perfect

29 Monday Mar 2010

Posted by in Lessons of Life, Random

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I’m a better parent…not perfect…just better.

Alexander and his plastic bead

Yesterday our son, Alexander, was supposed to be resting.  Resting is a new thing because at 4 1/2 years old he is not always able to take a nap.  When his Mom went in to check on him he was whimpering and then she saw his face covered in blood.  She called me and by the time I got there he was crying.  She asked me to get him down from his bunk bed (yes, at four he wanted to move to a big boy bed, and it had to be a bunk bed.)  I did and after several, “What happened?!?” questions, we learned that he had stuck a plastic bead up his nose.

Now if I were a young parent my next statement would be something along the lines of:

“What the Hell were you thinking!”

But I didn’t.  Instead I searched the bed to see if possibly, and mercifully, the bead was not up in his nostril, but rather was just on the bed somewhere.  After a thorough search we learned it was nowhere to be found.  The realization began to sink in that a plastic bead that he had found outside that day…after laying in the dirt for decades…was up in his sinus.  As a young parent my instinct would be off to the ER, but rather we decided to wait.  By this time he had calmed down, the bleeding had stopped, and his Mom and I decided that this was no longer an emergency.

The Bead of Shame

At this point we began to explain to him that when things like this happen he needs to call for us rather than try to fix the problem himself…a good parent thing to say, but to a 4 1/2 year-old it was like explaining the real definition of Socialism to a member of the Tea Party.  Still, it was a better parent thing to say than sentences that began with, “Don’t you ever…”

This morning we were able to see it with the help of a..a..a nose-looker-in-thing and made a couple of attempts to suck it out with a…a…a nose-sucker-thing..I don’t know what they’re called…I’m male remember.  After no success in extracting the plastic bead we called his Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor, who, coincidently will be removing his tonsils next week.  They set up an appointment for tomorrow.  We were resigned to have to sheepishly go into the doctor’s office and try to explain why a little boy would be allowed to have a plastic bead in his possession.

Happy boy, happier parents

However, this afternoon he was ‘sniffling’ and we told him to blow his nose, lamely hoping that bead would come out and this would become a good story to tell his girlfriend when he was sixteen, when behold, the bead came out!

We are trying not to think about all the bacteria on the bead when it went up his nose, but the fact that it came out was the best news that we’ve had in a long time.  As for any four-year old girls out there who may be dating my son in twelve years, be forewarned, you’ll be hearing about the bead-up-the-nose story.

I said I was a better parent…not perfect.