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Daily Archives: April 1, 2014

Detroit To Move City

01 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by Paul Kiser in April Fools Day, Fiction, Government, Travel

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Detroit, La Pesca, Mexico, Mike Duggan, United States

BREAKING NEWS — Detroit, MI, April 1, 2014

The Mayor of Detroit, Mike Duggan, announced that Detroit would be moving to La Pesca, Mexico. Mayor Duggan said:

“This is the out-of-the-box solution that will bring Detroit into the 21st Century.”

He added:

“We were never going to solve our problems by waiting for global warming to make Detroit a place where people wanted to live.”

Duggan also noted that by moving the city, all the problems of an aging infrastructure are left behind. He said that it will be less expensive to build a new infrastructure in the long run.

The move is made possible by a land-swap deal between Detroit, the United States, and Mexico. The United States is trading Detroit for the small coastal city of La Pesca and surrounding land. Detroit will be renamed by Mexico and all Mexican immigrants attempting to cross into the United States will be redirected and sent by bus or plane to the former city of Detroit. About the trade Duggan said:

“This solves the immigration issue and makes Detroit a tropical destination. It’s perfect.”

When asked about the drug cartels and violence in Mexico, Duggan replied:

“This is not a serious problem in this area, but if it were to become a problem I’d put our gangs against their drug cartels any day of the week.”

Officials say the deal will be finalized by the end of April and the new Detroit will be built over the next ten years. The move will begin by late 2015, and Detroit’s government will oversee both cities for the first five years. The transfer of ownership will be complete by 2020.

Rove and Limbaugh Twins

01 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by Paul Kiser in April Fools Day, Fiction, Politics, Relationships, Women

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Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, twins

Image credit KEVIN CIRILLI/Politico

Rush Limbaugh – TWIN?

BREAKING NEWS — Los Angeles, California, April 1, 2014

Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh held a joint news conference today to announce that they recently discovered that they have the same mother, and they are, in fact, twins. Limbaugh said,

“I’ve always known there was a special relationship between us because every time I see him I just want to kiss him.”

Image by TIM MAK/Politico

Karl Rove -TWIN?

Rove explained that he was born on Christmas Day, 1950, in Denver, Colorado, but that after he was born his mother gave him up and moved to Missouri. She continued to have contractions, but she thought that was just post pregnancy cramping . Less than three weeks later she was hospitalized for severe pain and Rush Limbaugh was born on January 12, 1951.

Both Rove and Limbaugh were giddy during the news conference and said they were considering buying neighboring houses in Costa Rica.

Speaker Boehner Hospitalized

01 Tuesday Apr 2014

Posted by Paul Kiser in April Fools Day, Fiction, Government, Health, Politics

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April Fools, John Boehner, Speaker of the House

BREAKING NEWS — Washington, D.C. April 1, 2014

House Speaker John Boehner was hospitalized early today. His condition is considered stable and he expected to make a full recovery.

When asked about the nature of the illness, an aide that requested to not be identified stated that he was suffering from constipation. The source stated, “We asked the doctors about the prognosis and they said it looks good, but right now nothing is moving.”

An update on Speaker Boehner’s condition is scheduled for 5:00 PM.

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