More than one-quarter of all divorces involve couples over 50. It is called Gray Divorce.

READ MORE: Pew Research Center, 18 October 2025

8 facts about divorce in the United States

In my case, I sought the divorce. I was an over-65, retired, white male in my second marriage. I didn’t decide to end our 25+ year marriage lightly. It took me years to commit to the life-altering change.

Initially, the divorce was because of one event that threatened my right to live in my own house. That, added to other events and ongoing issues.

However, in hindsight, both our behaviors made the divorce inevitable. In general terms, the root issues were a lack of respect and mental health concerns. Some of those root issues led to the cascading series of actions that made our divorce one without mercy.

The House Issue

There was a trigger issue that developed over a period of almost four years. It was about the ownership of our house.

Cassie¹ and I lived in a house that was purchased with family money and a loan. In the mid-1990s, Cassie’s Aunt was experiencing dementia and needed additional care and supervision. At the same time, we were newlyweds who had relocated to Nevada so I could attend the University of Nevada.

Her parents proposed that they sell her Aunt’s house in California, purchase a local house for us, and we would live with her Aunt and be her caregivers. It was a solution to several problems.

Unfortunately, her Aunt’s dementia progressed rapidly, requiring a higher level of care than we could give. She passed about a year later. The house remained in her parents’ ownership for a few years. After that, they established a Family Trust and placed our house in that Trust. When Janet, my spouse’s mother, announced the change in ownership, she said that she still considered ‘us’ the owners. That statement was a surprise because Cassie and I were unsure of our status, even though we had been living in the house for almost five years.

The house remained in the Trust for twenty years, with her parents paying off the loan balance during that time. However, after 25 years of living in and maintaining the house and property, her mother decided to dissolve the Trust and put the house solely in Cassie’s name. I found out a few months later by accident.

Initially, I was not overly concerned about the house ownership issue because Nevada is a Community Property State. She acquired the house during our marriage; therefore, I assumed we both technically owned the house.

Yet, it was frustrating from an ego standpoint that I had been dismissed without discussion as an owner after the years of work and maintenance I had done.

[Video regarding work I performed on our house.]

The Decision

Cassie and I discussed/argued over the issue multiple times over the next four years, and it became clear that she was not willing to budge. Eventually, I decided to consult an attorney regarding my options if I decided to divorce her. It was then that I discovered that because the house was ‘gifted’ to her, my claim of ownership was in doubt.

I realized that Cassie could tell me to leave the house without warning. Because only her name was on the title, I would have to leave and fight the issue in court to attempt to regain my status as co-owner. I decided that divorce was the only way I could challenge her ownership of the house, and the only route to escape the power and authority she held over me.

However, I had a big problem. I could not rely on access to my share of our assets until the divorce was finalized. That could take weeks or months. I also didn’t know how Cassie would react once I told her I would be seeking a divorce. She might confirm my worst fear (order me to leave) and drain all the joint financial accounts.

I had been married once before, and I decided to leave without preparation for the cost of the divorce and living expenses while the divorce was being settled. It took me years to recover. It was a huge mistake that I was not going to make again.

My Social Security benefit had begun a few months earlier, and I had been wise enough to channel the money into my personal account, but it was not enough. I determined to save money and wait to move forward.

Over the next year, I built up my savings. Once I knew my savings could sustain me for several weeks, I chose to make my announcement and begin the divorce process.

¹Some names have been changed.

 

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 2 – December 2025

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]