[Related link, SEE:  PART 1 – Introduction]

In late November, I decided that it was time to move forward and announce the divorce. I was finishing up a long-term bathroom project and was close to being done, so I began preparing for the difficult task ahead.

Post-Divorce Issues

Since I knew Cassie might exercise her authority to order me to leave the house, I felt I needed a plan for where I would go if she threw me out. I planned to relocate after the divorce to a lower-altitude city for health reasons, but I wouldn’t be able to do that until the divorce was finalized. At first, I was considering a local short-term room or apartment rental while the divorce was in process. It was logical, but it was not the way I wanted to spend the holidays. 

It was going to be awkward to be around Cassie’s and her family during Christmas, and my own family did not live locally. They also had complex holiday family celebrations that I didn’t want to invite myself into on short notice.

The other factor was a trip that Cassie, Janet, and our son had planned for the first week in January to Guam. When the trip was being planned, I told her that I would stay home to take care of the pets and the house. I was committed to that obligation, unless she told me she didn’t want me to be there.

My assumption was that the divorce would take about six weeks, and afterwards, I could make plans of where I would move to based, in part, on the terms of the settlement. I didn’t want to be around for the holidays, but I needed to be back by the first week in January; then we could settle the divorce, and I would move on.

The Plan

At the time, I was obsessing over Rotterdam in the Netherlands. [A live feed I often had up on my computer.] The idea that this might be an opportunity to spend the holidays in Europe began to appeal to me. I did some rough budget planning and decided that spending three weeks in London and Rotterdam would be feasible. I began making reservations.

With my flights set, I established a target date to announce that I would be seeking a divorce. I wanted to meet with my spouse and her mother together for the announcement, as the key reason for the divorce revolved around actions that they both had taken regarding ownership of the house.

During my first divorce, almost forty years prior, I learned I needed to keep access to personal items, important documents, and items of sentimental value before I announced the divorce. I secured a storage space and quietly moved most of those items out. My tools, some clothes, and major personal items would have to wait. I assumed we would negotiate the rest of the household goods after the announcement.

D-Day

December 5th was the date that everything seemed to converge on, and as it happened, Cassie was going to her mother’s late that afternoon to pick up our dog, who had a playdate with Janet’s dog. I met them there.

The discussion was relatively calm. They both listened, and afterward we discussed the situation and moving forward. I told them of my plan for the holidays and said that I would be back to take care of the pets in January. Cassie thanked me for the consideration. She was upset that I had been planning the divorce for over a year. That would become her focus: I was the bad person because I had prepared for the divorce before I told her, which diminshed her power and authority she held over me.

Janet stated that when she put Cassie’s name on the house title, she had told Cassie that it wouldn’t be too complicated to add mine. She allegedly responded,

If I do that, he will sell the house and move back to Colorado.

Agreement and Conditions

Cassie agreed to the divorce and asked for two things. First, she wanted to negotiate the settlement without lawyers to minimize the cost. Second, she asked that she be given time to focus on the holidays before we moved forward on the divorce. I agreed to both.

At this point, it appeared that we would be able to work together and reach a fair settlement. We both decided to meet back at home for dinner and tell our 20-year-old son. The discussion was difficult, but civil.

Upon learning of the divorce, he was upset that I didn’t tell him that I had been considering a divorce. I explained that I could not tell him and then ask him to keep it secret from his mother for a year.

Over the next few days, I prepared to leave for Denver, where I would fly to London. I packed and finished up a few things. I decided to begin my road trip a day early to avoid a storm.

The London/Rotterdam Trip

I have made many decisions in my life, but among the best decisions I’ve made was the trip to Europe for the holidays.

It allowed me to remember who I was as an individual. It also avoided putting stress on the family and myself during the holiday season following the divorce announcement.

I had felt that I was in and out of depression for most of the last five years of the marriage. In London, I sensed a great emotional weight lift off me. It was exactly where I needed to be.

During this time, I did not attempt to call Cassie, choosing to give her time and space to enjoy the holidays with her family. She called me once.

The Birthday Surprise

While in Rotterdam, I did receive a call from our son. It was on my birthday, and he was calling to let me know that his mother had leased him a new car. He was very excited. I reciprocated his excitement; however, I knew why Cassie did it.

We had never discussed purchasing or leasing a new car for our son. He had a truck in excellent condition that was given to him by his grandmother when he began driving. This car was a bribe to him and a slap in my face. I couldn’t protest her making a major unilateral financial decision without putting our son in the middle of it. This should have warned me of what was to come over the next few months.

The Return Home

After three weeks, I returned home. They left for Guam a few days later. I settled back into life, expecting that upon her return, we would begin moving forward on the divorce. She had a different plan.

¹Some names have been changed.

 

NEXT: Divorce Without Mercy Part 3 – January 2026

[NOTE:  This is a series focusing on my experiences during a divorce with a difficult person and her attorney. I am not a licensed psychologist nor an attorney. If you are dealing with a divorce situation, you should consult an attorney for legal advice and seriously consider seeking mental health support from a licensed counselor to deal with the trauma.]