A Cup of Like

26 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by Paul Kiser in About Reno, Branding, Business, Customer Relations, Customer Service, Employee Retention, Ethics, Human Resources, Lessons of Life, Management Practices, Passionate People, Pride, Public Image, Public Relations, Re-Imagine!, Relationships, Respect, The Tipping Point, Tom Peters, Travel

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Airlines, Coffee, hotels, Lady Gaga, like, people, Starbucks, tea

Grande cup of Like

I don’t feel it’s appropriate for a business to ‘love’ its customers. Loving someone is a personal bond that shouldn’t be related to business, (unless you’re Lady Gaga, then you can love your ‘monsters.’)

However, I do feel strongly that a business should ‘like‘ its customers. When I go into a coffee house I can tell if they are serving drinks, or if they are offering a cup of like. Anyone can serve a drink, but serving like requires more than the mechanics of taking an order, knowing how much milk to put in a cup, and/or yelling, “I have a Venti Latte with two shots on the bar!”

My home Starbucks on 7th and Keystone in Reno, Nevada has ‘like’ down. They seem truly happy when a customer walks in the door. That doesn’t mean they don’t have their down days, but most of the time you will get more than your drink from the staff.

This is not what I experience when I travel. It’s easy to pick on airlines, because if there is one group of people who don’t ‘like’ their customers, it’s the air travel industry, but even finding hotel or restaurant staff that makes you feel liked has become harder and harder to do.

In fact, a business that likes their customer is so rare that a genuine friendly person stands out among the ugliness of customer service in most businesses. The opportunity to beat the competition is to simply like your customers.

The place to start is with management. Managers have to like their staff and like their job. If their not happy then how can the staff possibly be?

One more thought: In a world of Twitter, Facebook, and Yelp, how can any business not afford to like their customers?

The Seduction of Anger

03 Monday Mar 2014

Posted by Paul Kiser in Aging, Business, Communication, Crime, Crisis Management, Customer Relations, Ethics, Generational, Health, Human Resources, Lessons of Life, Management Practices, Opinion, parenting, Politics, Public Image, Public Relations, Relationships, Respect, Violence in the Workplace, Women

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Anger, anger addict, anger management, angry, rage, Violence

Anger sucks you in, then eats you up

I have noticed something about people (including myself) and anger. For most of us, anger is seductive. Despite popular belief, it feels really good to get angry. There is pleasure in it. Yelling and screaming, ranting, and losing control is self-satisfying. We let go of the constraints of good behavior as we explore the limits of bad behavior.

Often, our anger follows a logical thread, but anger doesn’t need logic to fan the flames. When we’re angry we choose facts based on how well they support the reasoning we want, not what is reasonable. We also look to find old issues that our compromising or humiliating to the person we are arguing with, in order to verbally attack their vulnerabilities.

In the heat of our anger we feel powerful because we see ourselves as righteous and pure in our cause for perceived injustices. Anger gives us license to ignore anyone else’s viewpoint because they don’t agree with you, therefore, they must be wrong.

How To Respond To Anger
Ignoring someone’s anger is not a solution. Ignoring an angry person enables him or her through a belief that the behavior is appropriate. Direct confrontation with the person is also inappropriate as it is likely he or she is not rationale, nor are they interested in a logical discussion.

If it is appropriate, a person expressing overt anger can be removed from the situation providing they can be paired with a calm, non-threatening person while they de-escalate. If that is not appropriate and the person seems capable of harming themselves or others, another tactic is to become their ally. Agreeing with them and helping them to make a plan of addressing the issues causing the anger may defuse them long enough to disengage from the anger.

This tactic cannot be sarcastic, nor condescending in any way. It may also require lying to the person; however, if physical harm is a possibility, lying is a small price to pay to avoid someone becoming hurt. Once you have lied to a person who is angry, you may have damaged the relationship beyond recovery, so it should not be done unless all other options have been exhausted.

Once out of the situation, the person should be directed to counseling. It may be helpful to see an angry person as an addict who turns to rage for their high, and just like an addict, the person needs expert help to disconnect from the need for a fix.

Exposing a Bully is Not Bullying

02 Sunday Mar 2014

Posted by Paul Kiser in Aging, Branding, Business, Communication, Crisis Management, Customer Relations, Customer Service, Education, Employee Retention, Ethics, Generational, Honor, Human Resources, Internet, Lessons of Life, Management Practices, Opinion, parenting, Pride, Public Image, Public Relations, Relationships, Respect, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Social Media Relations, Women

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bully, bullying, Dr. Peggy Drexler, Kelly Blazek

During this past week much has been written (including myself) about the case of a person in a position of power, Kelly Blazek, the gatekeeper of a Cleveland, Ohio jobs listing for marketing positions, writing a nasty email to a job seeker. Blazek’s language in the email was unyielding in her attempt to embarrass and humiliate the job seeker. Blazek was using her power to bully someone who was in an inferior position.

Therefore, I was shocked when I read an ‘Opinion‘ on CNN.com by Dr. Peggy Drexler, who wrote that by publicizing the email and seeking attention to the bullying, the job seeker:

“….acted with malice, and caused the older woman significant damage…”

The specific language suggests that Dr. Drexler is encouraging Blazek, the person who was the bully, to sue the victim on the grounds of malice, libel, and/or age discrimination. One might question as to whether Dr. Drexler’s motives were that of an ambulance chaser, seeking to be employed by Blazek as an ‘expert’ witness in a civil suit.

Dr. Drexler’s opinion piece did describe the nature of Blazek’s email; however, she softened Blazek’s misdeeds by saying:

“Blazek’s words were, of course, undeniably, and likely unnecessarily, harsh”

In her opinion piece, Dr. Drexler masterfully works around the most blatant language in Blazek’s email and, in at least one place, segmented the quoted language so that the most vicious remark doesn’t look like it was the climax of the rest of the paragraph. She also uses Blazek’s “Communicator of the Year” recognition as a reference of her skills, rather than the irony that is obvious after reading a complete version of Blazek’s blistering email. The most damning paragraph from Blazek’s email is missing from Dr. Drexler’s opinion:

“I suggest you join the other Job Bank in town. Oh wait — there isn’t one.”

Dr. Drexler admits that Blazek’s behavior was wrong:

“No question, Blazek lashed out first, with unprofessional behavior that can only be described as bullying.”

However, Dr. Drexler seems to enable Blazek’s behavior by accusing the job seeker:

“But Mekota responding in kind makes her no less a bully.”

In Dr. Drexler’s world, when bullied, sit back and take. Don’t fight back and don’t call out the bully. Other professionals have a different take on how to respond to a bully. In responding to adult bullying, Mental Health Support (from the United Kingdom) suggests the following :

“…if you find yourself the victim of bullying, a bully’s bad behaviour is entirely his or her responsibility, not yours,…”

The website goes on to say:

“Once you have identified a bully and know what to expect from him or her, you must choose not to be a victim, if you want the bullying to stop. Expose the bullying for what it is. Take a stand, and don’t back down…”

“…The important point here is to expose the bully and call him or her to account. Confrontation and exposure, with evidence to support a victim’s accusations, are what the bully tries hardest to avoid. Once exposure happens, the bullying is likely to stop.”

There was an injustice done to Ms. Blazek, but that was from Dr. Drexler in attempting to sanctify Blazek’s behavior by accusing the job seeker of an equal act. Dr. Drexler’s portrait of Blazek as the older woman, victimized by the young, evil job seeker, causing her to lose her career and disappear from social media is absurd. The job seeker did not write the email, nor did she make the decision to shut down Blazek’s websites and social media accounts. Blazek was in the wrong and the damage to her career rests solely in her hands.

The Blazek Syndrome

01 Saturday Mar 2014

Posted by Paul Kiser in Branding, Business, Communication, Crisis Management, Customer Relations, Customer Service, Education, Ethics, Generational, Honor, Human Resources, Internet, Lessons of Life, Management Practices, Opinion, Public Image, Public Relations, Respect, Social Media Relations, Women

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Blazek Syndrome, Cleveland, head hunter, humility, job search, Kelly Blazek, LinkedIn, Marketing, Ohio, Twitter, Wordpress

Kelly Blazek – Armed with a keyboard and dangerous

You may not recognize the name Kelly Blazek, but she is the poster child for public image disaster. When people wonder how bad personal embarrassment can be, we now have Blazek as our code word for really, really bad.

Kelly Blazek is probably a decent human being, but what she will be remembered for is her moments of ‘Ms. Hyde’ behavior. She founded a job bank listing for marketing and public relations positions in the Cleveland, Ohio area. She had a WordPress blog and Twitter, LinkedIn accounts. Head hunter Blazek was also recognized as “Communicator of the Year.” by a local business group.

Within a matter of days she went from a leader in her field to a ghost. There is no blog site, no Twitter account, nor any trace of her other than a growing number of postmortems in blogs and news articles of her epic nasty responses to people who reached out to her.

The Blazek Syndrome
Her story is a step-by-step, what-not-to-do in business.

STEP ONE: Don’t let frustrations with the job spill over into your communications and interactions.

Among the most notorious of her responses, Blazek reacted to a college graduate seeking to connect with her as part of her job search. Her manner that can best be described as vile. Among the barrage of hateful statements were the following:

“I love the sense of entitlement in your generation. And therefore I enjoy Denying (sic) your invite…. (to connect on LinkedIn.)”

“I suggest you join the other Job Bank in town. Oh wait — there isn’t one.”

“You’re welcome for your humility lesson for the year.”

Everyone has a bad day, but any business person should know that what you write is what will save you or hang you. There is no excuse Blazek could offer for her verbal abuse of this job seeker.

STEP TWO: Making a mistake, even as massive as this one, does not mean it’s the final chapter. Life is not over and running and hiding will not help.

Blazek has compounded the crisis by trying to disappear. When sharks smell blood of a wounded fish they go into a frenzy. By disengaging from social media, people may lose interest, but what will remain is the public shame. The best time to do damage repair is while people are still paying attention

STEP THREE: Apologize over and over.

Instead of deleting social media accounts, use them. In a public image crisis people need to hear every possible sincere apology, but do NOT attempt to offer excuses.

STEP FOUR: Listen to what is being said and respond with humility.

Remember BP’s Tony Hayward remark, “I want my life back.” The public image crisis is over when people say its over, not when the disgraced person wants it to be over. Read what other people are saying and respond in a kind and humble way to as many people as you can. Make the story about the lesson learned.

Armed Teacher Games

13 Thursday Feb 2014

Posted by Paul Kiser in Crime, Crisis Management, Education, Ethics, Government Regulation, Health, Higher Education, Lessons of Life, Opinion, parenting, Politics, Universities, Violence in the Workplace

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2nd Amendment, active shooter, Active shooter scenarios, Arming Teachers, elementary school, gun laws, gun rights, K-12, law enforcement, National Rifle Association, NRA, school, school violence, War Games

SHALL WE PLAY A GAME?

ARMED TEACHER SCENARIOS

STUDENT DISCOVERY
First grader finds hiding place of gun when teacher isn’t looking and pretends to shoot friend not realizing he’s released the safety. Kills the student. WINNER: NONE

STUDENT WITH INTENT
Student learns where teacher keeps gun. One day student is despondent and decides to commit suicide and take others with him. Kills teacher, kills two students, kills self. WINNER: NONE

DESPONDENT TEACHER
Teacher despondent after a series of life-changing events. Takes out gun and shoots self in front of classroom. Teacher dead. WINNER: NONE

LOUD NOISE
Teacher responds to loud noise in hallway. See a person with a gun and shoots them. Other person is another teacher with a gun also investigating the loud noise. Teacher dead. WINNER: NONE

STUDENT WITH GUN
Teacher sees a student with a gun. Accesses gun and yells at student to drop weapon, student turns, teacher shoots the student. Student was taking prop fake gun for school play back to office to be secured. Student dead. WINNER: NONE

ACTIVE SHOOTER CONFRONTATION
Teacher hears popping in hallway. Accesses gun and opens door. Active shooter with assault weapon shoots teacher, enters open classroom door, shoots students who have no time to hide or escape. Teacher dead, 25 students dead. WINNER: NONE.

OK CORRAL SHOOTOUT
Teacher hears popping noise in hallway. Accesses gun as shooter enters classroom. Gun battle ensues resulting in Teacher, shooter, and several students killed. WINNER: NONE.

ACCIDENTAL DISCHARGE
Teacher hears popping noise in hallway. Accesses gun. Begins to quietly evacuate students to safety, but accidentally discharges gun and shoots one of the students. WINNER: NONE

ACCIDENTAL POLICE SHOOTING
Teacher hears popping noise in hallway. Evacuates students to safe area and returns classroom. Accesses gun. Identifies shooter. Kills shooter. Police enter, see a person with gun and orders the person to drop their gun. Person turns, police shoot and kill teacher. WINNER: NONE.

STRANGE GAME. IT SEEMS THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS NOT TO PLAY.

Hey Stupid, Privacy is Dead and Your Face is the Reason

31 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by Paul Kiser in Communication, Crime, Crisis Management, Customer Relations, Ethics, Generational, Government, Honor, Information Technology, Internet, Lessons of Life, parenting, Photography, Public Relations, Relationships, Respect, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Social Media Relations, Technology

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Anthony Weiner, Biometrics, face, Facebook, facial recognition software, Facial recognition system, Ohio, on line, Privacy, Twitter

Facial recognition software is the final nail in Internet privacy

Go ahead, just try to protect your privacy. Give up Facebook. Scoff at Twitter. Swear you’re going to never sign on the computer again. It is all useless.

Stick a fork in privacy on the Internet. There no such thing as privacy on the Internet, nor is there privacy off the Internet.

A girl decides to check up on her boyfriend. She happens to be an attorney in Ohio and has access to the State’s facial recognition software. She uses it to snoop on her boyfriend and other people her friends were dating. This was in 2008. Five years ago and she was using (well, misusing) facial recognition software that was meant for finding criminals.

It doesn’t matter whether you take the picture or post it. It doesn’t even matter if you knew you were in the picture. New Years Eve? Good luck in keeping your face out of every picture that people around you take. If your face shows up in a posted picture, it can be found and matched.

Not only law enforcement is using facial recognition software. Casinos are using it. Some suggest that Disney is using it in their parks. Retailers are using it. Your significant other can buy it and download it today. If you want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes, watch this TED Talk on facial recognition software.

Anthony Weiner: Too bad it wasn’t his face that got him in trouble

There is no such thing as privacy. One more time. There is no such thing as privacy.

THE ANSWER
Behave. That’s it. Or at least know that if you don’t behave everyone will find out and it will be at the worst possible moment for you. People learn how to behave when they go out in public. The Internet is public. There is no difference.

Are you a Good Photographer or a Great Photographer?

10 Wednesday Jul 2013

Posted by Paul Kiser in About Reno, Branding, Lessons of Life, Photography

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camera, Great Photography, images, landscape, model, nature, Nikon, people, Photographer

Mt. Shasta

I have spent almost 40 years off and on with my Nikon cameras. I love photography and I have enough good shots to open up a small gallery if I had them printed up and displayed. The problem is that despite my experience and skills, I’m just another good photographer. I don’t meet the qualifications of a great photographer.

Mom and Daughter

So what is the difference between a good photographer and a great photographer?

A good photographer can’t wait to see the images (printed or on a computer) because he or she is pretty sure they got some good shots. A great photographer knows the instant the shutter closes that the shot is great and doesn’t need to wait to see it because it is recorded in their mind.

A good photographer understands the use of light, color, and shadow in photography and seeks to find it in every shot. A great photographer sees the subject for all viewpoints and knows automatically where and when to take the image for the best use of light, color, and shadow.

Boy on Edge

A good photographer can see the flaws in his or her images. A great photographer knows how to fix flaws in the image in editing so that no one knows he or she made a mistake.

A good photographer can find moments in his or her subjects that express emotion. A great photographer can create emotion in his or her subjects that they didn’t even know they had.

A good photographer experiments with equipment and camera lenses to take his or her images to the next level. A great photographer is a master of his or her images. Extra equipment, lenses, filters are used as needed to make a good image great but are never a substitute for skill and experience.

A Walk With A VIP

A good photographer is sensitive to the needs of his subjects, and always places their concerns and ideas first during a photo shoot. A great photographer is a pain in the ass and could care less about the input of his or her subjects. Capturing the perfection of the moment is the first and last concern of a great photographer and everything else is just noise.

Five Rules For Taking Images of Your Children

01 Monday Jul 2013

Posted by Paul Kiser in About Reno, Lessons of Life, Opinion, parenting, Photography, Random, Recreation, Technology

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camera, children, D60, digital, Family, how to, Image, Nikon, photo, pictures, portrait

I’m an image horse. From my first film-hungry Nikon FM in the 1970’s to the inexpensive, but utilitarian digital Nikon D60, I’ve recorded life through my camera lens. I’m not a professional, but I’ve logged years with landscape, micro, macro, stellar, animal, model, and most other forms of photography.

The one type of photography I dislike most is the type that parents love to do, take semi-posed pictures of people. Every time I hear a parent say, “Smile! Smile! Come on, SMILE!,” I cringe. I don’t know who started the “Smile” prompting, but it is the worst thing anyone can ask of the subject of an image to do. It is saying to the child (or adult), “We want you to fake an emotion so we can show you faking an emotion to other people.”

Humans don’t fake emotions well. In fact, we are horrible at faking emotions. Children are the worst. A fake smile is marked by a tight facial expression around the mouth, bared teeth, and cringed eyes. Unfortunately, the people who take these horrible images are often rewarded by comments like, “Oh, he looks so handsome,” or “They look like they’re having such a great time!” Of course people are going to compliment your picture-taking ability, they want it to end!

This doesn’t mean people need to take sad or “how-long-do-I-have-to-stand-here?” pictures. There are a few simple rules that will avoid taking fake pictures of people you love.

Image Composition is YOUR Job, Not Their’s
Instead of going for the posed shot, which everyone hates to be involved in, position yourself so that you can take a REAL image of what is happening. From talking to playing children (and adults) in action are much more interesting than a posed shot. You want a recorded image of people engaged in life, not the camera, so you must do the work required of any good photographer, not them.

Does Fake Happy Really Tell The Story?
Sometimes children can be intensely focused on a task, or interacting with others. WHY would you want to stop this intensity and fake a smile for the image? Take the picture that tells the story instead of the fake happy picture that makes them look stupid.

If You Demand Happy, Make It Real
Okay, happy children can be a great image, but if you must have that type of image, make them laugh naturally. Ask questions like, “who’s the stupidest person with a camera?” When they laugh and point at you, take the picture. I guarantee that image will be better than the one where you said, “Smile!”

Be Unseen and Patient
It’s almost always better to hang around for a while before you take the picture. Look for the best composition, the best angle, and become part of the background. They may notice you, but children attention spans are marvelously short and they have a Jedi-like power to ignore a parent, so use that to your advantage.

It’s Digital, Take Lots of Images, Select Few
People sometimes think that every image should be perfect. I’ll admit, in the days of film cameras, when I got my photos back from the developer I used to feel guilty about all the failed images; however, today they are just digital bytes and bad pictures can be deleted. Take ten images and consider yourself a great photographer if there is one good one in the bunch.

Here’s one thing to consider the next time you see someone point a camera at another human: if they say ‘Smile!’ it’s going to be a bad image.

Pope Paul VII?

15 Friday Feb 2013

Posted by Paul Kiser in Ethics, Generational, Lessons of Life, Opinion, Pride, Relationships, Religion, Respect, Women

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Catholic, Christian, Church Christianity, Pope, Roman Church

A Pope without white hair? Why not?

As I understand it there is a vacancy coming up in the papacy and I think I might be just the person they need right now. I realize I may not meet all (or any) of the applicant requirements, but you don’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket, right?

Some may feel that I’m not qualified because I don’t believe in God; however, I could make an argument that based upon their actions, it would seem that some Popes didn’t believe in a God either. I’m not an atheist¹ nor do I have a problem with anyone who chooses to believe in a God. I just think that the accountability for good and evil should reside in the acts of a person, not attributed, nor blamed on a God or devil.

I used to be a Catholic and that should qualify me for the position. If not, perhaps the fact that I’ve also been a Protestant and a Seventh Day Adventist should show that I have a wide variety of experience as a Christian. As an Adventist I even studied the entire Bible, so I know what it actually says about Christianity.

But enough about my qualifications, let’s talk about what I can do for the Catholic Church.

Some might think that as Pope I would stray from the teachings of the Bible, but, in fact, I would place more emphasis on the Bible, especially the New Testament, since that is the part that is written by Christians, for Christians. Under my service as Pope, Catholics would be expected to abide by Romans 14: 10-13:

But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written:

“As I live, says the Lord,
Every knee shall bow to Me,
And every tongue shall confess to God.”

So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

Bible, New King James Version

That passage defines how a Christian is to behave and it needs no interpretation of a holy man. Bottom line, mind your own business. That God you allegedly believe in will decide what is a sin or not.

Another passage, Matthew 22: 21, further defines the limitations of a Christian:

Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s

Bible, King James Version

Both passages tell Christians that engaging in politics to declare the sins of another person is forbidden, and so shall it will be if I’m made Pope. Further, any Catholic who promotes the use civil laws and government policy to restrict, prohibit, restrict, or regulate the alleged ‘sin’ of another shall be excommunicated. If you believe in a God, then don’t try to be the God.

Another change will be to abolish marriage restrictions on priests. Not only will they be allowed to marry, it will be encouraged, and they will be encouraged to have families. There is no better way to understand the meaning of life than to be a parent of a child and a priest with a family can relate to his or her flock better than a priest without one.

If you caught that last reference to priests as “his or her” then you know I will allow women to be priests. Not only will women be allowed to be priests, but gay and lesbians will be allowed. Anyone who has the capacity to love another person is too valuable to not consider for Church leadership. Also, it’s time Catholics put some distance between us and the Baptists.

Finally, one of the other major changes I will make if selected as Pope will be to eliminate some of the rituals of the Church. If there is a God, why should we try to bore Him or Her with the same old, tired policies and procedures week after week?

I know these changes will cause many current Catholics to denounce their faith, but I’m confident we’ll be fine without them. The new Catholics we gain will be true Christians, and that seems more important to me.

So, who will be contacting me and what’s the next step in the application process?

NOTE: This article was originally titled “Pope Paul I.” After I published it I researched the names of the Popes and discovered there have been six Popes using the Pope Paul name, thus the change to Pope Paul VII.

¹Regarding the term ‘atheist,’ we don’t attach a name to everyone who doesn’t believe in something mythological. If you don’t believe in invisible gorillas does that mean I can call you an aprimatist?

Why You Hate Facebook and Can’t Stand Twitter

04 Monday Feb 2013

Posted by Paul Kiser in Aging, Business, Ethics, Generational, Information Technology, Internet, Lessons of Life, Pride, Public Relations, Relationships, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Social Media Relations, Technology

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Facebook, personality, Privacy, Privacy on the Internet, Twitter, work behavior

Social Media Violates the Dual Work/Home Personality

You hate Facebook and can’t stand Twitter. You are mystified as to why anyone would want to share their personal information on the Internet and you probably make fun of people who do. The surprise is that it’s not because you’re male or because you’re over 40. But you are.

The reason Social Media is such an annoyance to you is because it goes against everything you were taught as you grew up. Social Media exposes your private persona and violates the boundary between your professional and personal identities.

Self Identity Devoured By The Corporation
Industrialization in the 19th and 20th centuries changed reshaped the life of the American male. As employment opportunities switched from being primarily farmers and small business owners to employees of the factories and corporations, workers found that their on-the-job behavior had to conform to company expectations. Job advancement within the company structure depended on a bosses perception of the perceived professionalism of the employee and not who they were in real life. That transformed the American worker into an actor who performed by the company script while he was under the watchful eye of his employer.

This division of a person’s life between home and work created a dual personality in men. At home a man was relaxed, caring, and spontaneous, or ‘unprofessional.’ At work a man was controlled, self-conscious, and unemotional, or ‘professional.’ As corporations became bigger, the division between the home and work personas became deeper to the point that a man might not be recognizable to his co-workers if their paths crossed outside of the work day.

Enter Social Media
Social Media tools like Facebook and Twitter have no work/home boundaries. The idea that a man should have a two personas is laughable in a Google searchable world that exposes the smallest of lies. That cold and tough business man doesn’t look so tough or cold when he posts pictures of his family activities on Facebook and that strips a man of his power base. The fake professionalism at work that empowers him can’t compete with the real person revealed on-line. The more a man’s power is dependent on his ‘professional’ persona, the more likely he is to abhor Social Media.

However, men who are angry about the lack of privacy in Social Media are trying to wage a hopeless battle to protect the nurtured idea that they must maintain two separate personas. The problem is that humans were never meant to divide their lives. Who we are at home is who we should be at work and vice versa.

It is understandable why you hate Facebook and can’t stand Twitter. They expose your greatest vulnerability…the real you. Perhaps someday that won’t seem like a vulnerability to you. And perhaps someday you’ll understand that the real you is not your weakness, but your strength.

Perhaps.

The Petraeus Lesson: Use Your REAL Name

16 Friday Nov 2012

Posted by Paul Kiser in Aging, Branding, Business, Communication, Ethics, Generational, Honor, Information Technology, Internet, Lessons of Life, Pride, Privacy, Public Relations, Respect, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Social Media Relations

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David Pertraeus, Email, private life, Public Image, public life

David Petraeus knows about public image, but he believed an alias online was not public

Men my age have been taught the we should have two personalities. There is the ‘professional’ persona that we wear in our public/business life, then there’s the ‘real’ personality that we only show when we are off the stage. That worked when there was a clear division between public and private life. For most of my life I knew that the person I knew at work was not the same as the person who was in the backyard with a beer in his hand.

A baseball cap and polo shirt don’t mask the person, why would an email alias?

The Internet changed all that, but somehow older men didn’t get the memo. When we found out we could create an email account like ‘secretagent007’, ‘mysteryman’, ‘mrinvisible’, etc., we really believed we could say anything we want, do anything we wanted without anyone knowing who we really were. I admit, it is a seductive concept that our professional/public persona could remain unknown online, but the fact is that anything we say or do online is recorded in history and will always be attached to us.

The Petraeus Lesson is simply this: USE YOUR REAL NAME EVERY TIME EVERYWHERE. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked in that YOU are smarter than every one of the 7,079,446,910 people on Earth. Never, ever, ever log on, create an email, or register for a social media site using a false name. If you have an email that doesn’t use your real name then get rid of it and get another one. This is 2012, and you need to know that what you say and do online is public. Period.

I know we older, white males were raised to believe in two personas, but it is a myth that we need to get over. It’s not a privacy issue, it’s a ‘am-I-smart-or-am-I-stupid’ issue.

4 Lesson’s Yahoo’s CEO Marissa Mayer Has Taught Us

10 Monday Sep 2012

Posted by Paul Kiser in Business, Communication, Crisis Management, Customer Relations, Customer Service, Education, Employee Retention, Ethics, Human Resources, Information Technology, Internet, Lessons of Life, Management Practices, Opinion, Public Relations, Respect, The Tipping Point

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CEO, employee morale, Google, Kathy Savitt, leadership, management by intimidation, Marissa Mayer, Mollie Spillman, Yahoo

Marissa Mayer: Management by Destruction

On July 16, Yahoo announced that they hired 37-year-old Marissa Mayer, a former Google Vice President (VP), as the new Chief Executive Officer (CEO) to turnaround the company. A little over a month later Mayer hired a new Chief Marketing Officer (CMO), which should not be surprising. How she did it tells us a lot about her management capabilities and about Yahoo’s Board of Directors.

Often a change in direction for a company will require new leadership in key management positions. Anyone who doesn’t know their job is in jeopardy when a new CEO walks in the door is kidding themselves. Sometimes a new CEO will ask for the top management to resign. Sometimes a new CEO will just give the old management team a severance package. Sometimes a CEO will take six months to get to know the company and then make changes. All these options a part of nominal business operations.

However, Mayer reportedly fired Mollie Spillman, her old CMO 1) by phone, 2) while she was on vacation, and 3) ten minutes before Yahoo’s official announcement that the new CMO would be Kathy Savitt.

Wow. Apparently, Mayer like burning all her bridges before she blows them up.

It’s important to note that Mayer’s age and/or gender are not at issue. Man or woman, old or young, what Mayer did was ethically questionable and has far reaching implications for Yahoo. Her slam-bam-you’re-fired-ma’am stunt is worthy of analysis for what it says about Mayer, Yahoo, and management-by-intimidation.

Lesson 1: Mayer’s Questionable Ethics and Leadership
It doesn’t take guts to fire somebody. Firing someone is easy. Firing someone is a power trip. If you walk up to person on the street and say, “You’re Fired!,” it will probably only get you a confused stare followed by a laugh, but if you say, “You’re Fired!” at an underling employee, you have shown you are dominant and all powerful. To fire someone is a rush to the sadist.

Separating an employee from an organization with dignity and respect takes sensitivity, experience, and humility. It requires that the manager talks with (not at) the employee, and it requires the manager check their need for power at the door. Firing someone over the phone while they’re on vacation demonstrates a lack of experience and a lack of humanity.

In her defense, Mayer may have been reacting to another executive who left Yahoo one week before. It is possible that Mayer thought that Spillman might also leave and decided she would exercise a preemptive strike by replacing her before she could find another job. Still, that’s a weak reason to behave like a tree house club President.

Lesson 2: How to Destroy Morale
When the CEO trash-n-bashes an employee it sends a message to everyone else in the company: Time to look for another job. How can any employee at Yahoo avoid wondering if they will be fired the next time they’re on vacation? How can any manager at Yahoo not believe that Mayer’s questionable ethics is now the model they should be following?

No Reason to Yahoo Behind This Sign

Mayer did make a peace offering to her employees soon after she took over by offering free food to full-time employees and a free iPhone. But her offerings weren’t free. In return for free perks she put extreme pressure to perform. She pushed a new product up by months and gave the development team one week to prove it could be done. When the team came back a week later and said it couldn’t be done on the schedule she demanded she said she would find another team that could do it.

This shows the classic fatal error in management-by-intimidation (MBI): Failing to trust and listen to the people you have working for you. It may be great to tell the investor a tale of tough-love while scratching your balls and dining on the company’s dime, but it really means that the customer is going to get a rushed, half-baked product that shows how mediocre your organization can be when it comes to innovation. Don’t get me wrong, some people…okay most people, need to be pushed, but most people don’t like to work in a threatening environment.

This shows the classic fatal error in management-by-intimidation: Failing to trust and listen to the people you have working for you.

The result of MBI is that all your employees start looking for other employment options. The people with great ideas and skills are grabbed up by the competition and Yahoo will be left with the people who nobody else wants. Now you have an organization consisting of the worst performers.

Lesson 3: Yahoo’s Future is in Doubt
In the past five years it has averaged a new CEO each year. That says more about the Board of Directors than it does about the CEO’s. The problem is that there is no quick fix and it is likely that Mayer management style is being encouraged by dysfunctional leadership in the Board room. Yahoo needs positive, creative, loyal, and happy employees if the company is to dig its way out of the hole its in. Creating an environment of fearful, anxious, angry employees is guaranteed to keep them noncompetitive now and in the future.

Throwing money, free food, or free iPhones may appease employees temporarily, but people want and need to be valued and treated with respect. The moment an employee feels that their neck is on the line is the moment they are no longer have ownership in the company, and when employees don’t have ownership, they stop caring. Uncaring employees are saboteurs in an organization. Yahoo likely has almost 15,000 saboteurs with intimate knowledge of the company’s secrets, weaknesses, and plans. That doesn’t bode well for customer satisfaction, nor company stock price.

Lesson 4: Inexperience Does Not a Good Manager Make
Of the Fortune 500 club, Mayer is the youngest CEO. Publicly, she has been a celebrated rising star at Google since she joined as employee #20 in 1999, and was Google’s first female engineer. Privately, some accused her of being a glory-hound seeking attention and fame. Despite having no business degrees (her bachelor’s and master’s degrees from Stanford are in computer engineering specializing in artificial intelligence,) she rose through the company to be a Vice President.

It was appropriate for Yahoo to hire a young executive. There are many people under 40 who are wise beyond their age, or have solid experience in people and resource management; however, Mayer’s lack extensive executive management experience seems to be demonstrated in her immature behavior.

Bonus Lesson: Micromanagement – Slapping Your Team in the Face
It was reported last week that Mayer is now reviewing the candidates for every open position at Yahoo. That’s correct, Mayer is overseeing every potential new hire for every opening in a company of 15,000 employees. Nothing says you’re a ‘stupid ass’ to your management team quite like taking away their ability to choose who will work for them. If anyone at Yahoo didn’t know that they are valueless, Mayer and the Board of Directors have certainly removed all doubt.

Every business school should be studying Yahoo. Studying successful management is important, but studying an organization that is in a meltdown can teach future would be leaders why you can’t build up your organization by tearing apart your employees.

The Hunger Games Trilogy: 11 Things I Learned

23 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by Paul Kiser in Book Review, Fiction, Lessons of Life

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Everdeen, Katniss, Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

(NOTE:Spoiler Alert – This list may reveal story details of the entire trilogy, not just the first book.)

The Hunger Games Movie Poster

The film version of The Hunger Games will appear in theatres worldwide this week. I just finished reading the trilogy and here are eleven things I learned from the Scholastic Press books by Suzanne Collins:

If your younger sister is selected for certain death, do not volunteer in her place! You’ll save countless lives and 80 chapters of angst. Let her go.
Girls, if you have a choice between the Baker’s son and a really good hunter you should move. There are better options than the dregs living in your District and hopefully they won’t come with all the baggage.
Katniss Everdeen needs a really good health plan.
Katniss Everdeen - Poor little poor girl
Presidents should use Victors at their own risk….especially ones with a really good aim.
A marketing plan built around the concept of ‘the girl on fire’ is a bad idea, especially in fiction. Writers love irony.
A society built around government-imposed, segmented industries is a really stupid idea. Just ask U.S.S.R., East Germany, and China.
Reality shows suck…but I knew that before I read this trilogy.
Not everything that falls from Heaven is good.
Well-ordered books may be a sign of a compulsive author. (3 books, each book with 3 sections, each section with 9 chapters…somebody has a color coded underwear drawer.)
Fashion designers should avoid pissing off the Man.
Books that infer minors involved in graphic violence, nudity, and prostitution can be best sellers…as long as the author keeps the main character celibate.

A version of this article first published as
The Hunger Games Trilogy: 11 Things I Learned

on Technorati.com

Paul Kiser

USA PDT [Twitter: ] [Facebook] [LinkedIn] [Skype: 775.624.5679]

Stroke of Fate: Me Versus My Brain

25 Saturday Feb 2012

Posted by Paul Kiser in Aging, Generational, Health, Lessons of Life

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

occupational therapy, physical therapy, Renown Rehabilitation Hospital, speech therapy, stroke, Wallenberg's Stroke, Wallenberg's Syndrome

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent…you can stop laughing now. At least I’ve never auditioned for a reality television show and that has to be some sign of intelligence.

This 34 year-old woman had a stroke in a similar area as my stroke (see black arrow at base of brain)

However, I’ve learned that I am no match for my brain. My brain has hundreds of thousands of years of evolution on its side and it does so many things automatically that it dwarfs my petty conscious actions like eating, reading, talking, and walking. Now that my brain has downsized some of the automatic functions, like sensing temperature and pain on half of my body, I have learned that I am incapable of taking over those functions…without help.

Enter the team
While I was in the main hospital a physician visited me and introduced herself as my ‘Rehabilitation’ doctor. At that time I did not understand that she would become my advocate and director of my recovery. Over the next few weeks I would learn that I was not being discharged to another hospital as much as I was being transferred to a team of people, including my Rehabilitation physician, who would bring their extensive professional skills into my battle with my brain.

VitaStim electrodes were used to strengthen my swallowing

As in most hospitals, the nursing staff at Renown Rehabilitation Hospital took on the role of monitoring my health and addressing the medical needs of my post-stroke body, however, the therapy staff became my coaches who devised the game plan¹ to reverse the damage caused by the stroke. Speech, occupational, and physical therapists each dedicated an hour per day to reestablishing a normal brain/body connection.

(¹My apologies for the sports metaphor…I blame it on the stroke…because I can, not because it’s true.)

Brain damage (or dain bramage, as I prefer to call it) is as individual as a fingerprint, so treatment is not something you find in a medical cookbook of cures. My condition after my stroke was diagnosed as Wallenberg’s Syndrome, but my symptoms ranged from spot on to the symptoms of Wallenberg’s, to mild or non-existent for issues such as loss of speech. My team of therapists worked like great artists as they created a plan of action to help the brain rewire around the damage caused by the stroke.

Home at last!

Speech therapy focused on swallow control and strengthening my voice. In three weeks I progressed from not being able to swallow water to being able to eat a regular meal, including salad. I have to be aware of what I’m doing when I eat, but I am near normal in the use of throat systems that separate breathing and food intake. My voice is easily tired, but continues to become stronger each day.

My Occupational therapist concentrated on vision, especially eye control. My double vision issue is caused, at least in part, to muscle control of both eyes. I should have known that she would be the one to help me in this area as my first short episode of single vision occurred when I first met her. Many of the exercises she has taught me actually exacerbate my vertigo (dizziness), however, I have experienced less vertigo and more episodes of single vision on days when I completed the exercises she taught me.

While all my therapists were exceptional, it is my physical therapist that I admire the most. She took on the challenge of getting me mobile again and to do it she had to deal with me and my quirky brain. I have four issues when it comes to walking. First is the lack of balance. I feel a strong pull to the right and when I try to counter it my brain wants me to lean to the right.

Second, is my double vision issue that place my right eye image over and at a 20° angle to my left eye image. I might have an easier time walking if I just knew which image was the one I should use for reference.

Third, each of my eyes have a slow ‘swim’ that prevents me from focusing on a single point, therefore, covering one eye does not necessarily give me an easier visual reference. Part of this issue is related to uncontrolled eye movement and part is a lack of fine-concentration skills that may have been, in small part, pre-existing to the stroke. I noticed about a year ago that I could not meditate on a single point without losing focus every few milliseconds. Since the stroke, the eye swim is more pronounced.

Finally, my vertigo has taken the front seat in my balance issues. Dizziness hits me almost every time I move my head making walking fun to watch, but not fun to do. My physical therapist has not only utilized her own skills and talents in addressing my brain damage, but also involved other physical therapists, including one who has experience dealing with vision and vertigo issues like mine. The result is that I can walk and when my vertigo is under control my walk is almost normal…almost.

My brain still has some rewiring work before I will be a fully functioning adult that can hop in the car and drive to Starbucks, but thanks to the team at Renown Rehabilitation Hospital, I’m weeks to months away from being able to being fully independent. That makes me the winner.

(NOTE: Paul was released from Renown Rehabilitation Hospital at 1:00 PM today, Saturday, February 25th and is now continuing his recovery at home.)

Stroke of Fate: Fighting a Winning Battle

20 Monday Feb 2012

Posted by Paul Kiser in About Reno, Generational, Health, Lessons of Life, Travel

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Nevada, Reno, Renown, Renown Medical Center, stroke, Wallenberg's Stroke, Wallenberg's Syndrome

Why don’t strokes ever cause super powers?

Weapons of Rehab

A stroke has no sense of honor, nor fairness. It can destroy every aspect of human dignity and leave behind a pulp of flesh. A stroke can wipe out speech, sight, hearing, touch, smell, mobility, cognitive thinking, and the list goes on. Never have I heard of a case of a stroke doing good, like giving heightened senses, or more strength. Strokes don’t even fix missing functions, like giving a blind person their sight, or a deaf person hearing. Quite frankly strokes suck.

After my stroke I was faced with the possibility that I could be incapable of independent living for months, years, or even the rest of my life. That didn’t happen. While I still can’t drive, nor safely move without some type of aid (wheelchair, walker, cane, etc.) I can get around on my own. I can eat as long as I’m mindful of what I’m doing, and see well enough to write, although I often have to use just one eye. My prognosis is great, with the expectation that almost all of my disabled functions will repair over the next few weeks and months.

It’s not easy, but I am fighting a winning battle. I’m fortunate because my stroke did not do more damage. I am frustrated by the fact that my brain seems to lack the capacity to correct my balance and vision issues. Cognitively I know exactly what needs to be done, but my brain has the ability to overrule logic and tell my body that I’m about to fall to the right, so lean right….I said correctly, my brain thinks I’m leaning right, but then insists on shifting more to the right. This irony must be fun for my Conservative friends, but to me it only shows how screwed up we become when we lack balance.

Vertigo has become a major issue in my recovery. The sense that the room is spinning varies from almost non-existent, to a strong rotational pull every time I move my head slightly. Walking becomes a drunken stagger when my vertigo kicks in, which makes my physical therapy sessions almost useless.

Still, everyday I am a bit closer to a full recovery and there are times when I feel almost normal. I have a great team of therapists who are working with me to get better…possibly to get me out of their hair. I’ll talk about living in Rehab next.

Stroke of Fate: Time and Tide (Thank You, Basia)

13 Monday Feb 2012

Posted by Paul Kiser in Aging, Generational, Health, Lessons of Life, parenting, Random, Relationships, Women

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Basia, Rehabilitation, Renown, Renown Medical Center, stroke, Time and Tide, Wallenberg's Stroke, Wallenberg's Syndrome

Basia's Time and Tide cover

One of my favorite albums is Basia’s Time and Tide. Basia has taken me through many emotional times and I should not be surprised that after this stroke she returned into my life. My brain and body have decided to have a partial trial separation. I know I know they are meant to be together, but now they’re not talking, so with Basia’s help I’m trying to get them back together. Fortunately, I have many people helping us.

Here and now is all it’s about, let’s use it or lose it.
Promises by Basia

Here And Now
Both my daughters live in Colorado. When they heard that I was hospitalized they began talking about coming out. I was ready to discourage it because I couldn’t see the purpose or value of them flying to Reno, Nevada.

I was wrong. I failed to comprehend the significance of their presence. I have a good close-in support system here with my spouse (Saralinda,) son (Alexander,) and in-laws, but my daughters (Kelli and Katy) added to that support in ways I never could have imagined.

Love is contagious, it’s a part of a chain
Promises by Basia

My temporary home for restart my life

They arrived a few hours before I was transferred from Renown Medical Center to Renown Rehabilitation Hospital. They became an extra lift in the uncertainty of the transfer. Saralinda, Kelli, and Katy, joined forces in becoming an advocate for my recovery and the hospital staff recognized that I was not alone. I don’t fully understand how that impacted my care, but I do know that the staff seemed to appreciate their involvement.

I’ll be there if you need me, I am your helping hand.
New Day For You by Basia

A New Day
Tuesday was an important day in my recovery. On Monday I had a swallow study performed complete with a camera up my nose. From that test I learned that my NG tube would have to remain for the near future because my throat was not working correctly. My swallowing had improved from Saturday’s, but it looked like I was facing at least a week of looking like Mr. Snuffleupagus and the idea of being able to taste food again seemed farther and farther away.

I still couldn’t walk without falling over, I’d lost temperature and pain sensation over half my body, my right and left eye were each giving me their independent version of the world, my head and body were in a constant state of spin, and I survived by fluid going in my arm or goo going to my stomach via my nose. There was not a lot of good news.

However, all that was blunted by the news that my daughters and one of my granddaughters would be arriving on Tuesday. In the moment it didn’t seem to be that important, but in hindsight, it made my world seem much brighter. It was Tuesday when my life seemed to come back to firm ground. On that day my stroke found out who it was dealing with, and it didn’t expect to be met head on by women of mass reconstruction. It whimpered.

It would be on Wednesday that I…and my stroke, would meet the rest of the team…the medical staff at Renown Rehabilitation Hospital. It was an another good day for me…not so much for my stroke.

We got time, oh baby, there’s no rush
Gonna be a better day for us
Time and Tide by Basia

Stroke of Fate: Day Two

12 Sunday Feb 2012

Posted by Paul Kiser in Aging, Health, Lessons of Life

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Renown, Renown Medical Center, stroke, Wallenberg's Stroke, Wallenberg's Syndrome

I spent Saturday night fighting muscle spasms all over my body, possibly from a reaction to the nausea medication given to me in ER at Renown Medical Center. I was also feeling weak and disoriented. The right side of my face felt like I been punched by a massive fist, but with no pain, just numbness. I had no idea why my body was malfunctioning so badly with no obvious trauma. A stroke was the most plausible cause, but no one really knew.

Me and my NG tube

Sunday morning brought new symptoms. I now had double vision. My right eye took the same image of my left eye, but put it above and at a 20° angle, which was higher on the right, lower on the left. In addition, both images seemed to spin and skip. I have not been falling down drunk many times in my life, but that is the only way I could describe this sensation.

I was incapable of functioning as a normal adult. I couldn’t stand, walk, eat, drink, see, read, or write. I now relied on an IV to supply my fluids, and by late Sunday, would need a tube inserted for nourishment.

90° Flip: This is what my brain did to my vision for about four seconds if I closed my eyes, relaxed, then opened them

The answers did not come after initial MRI scan. The Radiologist found no visible sign of any type of hemorrhage in my brain. More tests were scheduled, but the diagnosis would eventually come after a second look at the MRI scans. I had a tiny stroke on my brain stem. The doctor told me that this type of stroke caused Wallenberg’s Syndrome or Lateral Medullary Syndrome As it turns out I am almost a textbook case.

While I was in the neurological unit I learned that I had lost heat and prick sensation on my right side of my face and the left side of my body. I could sense touch, but not pain, nor temperature. I also discovered that if I closed my eyes and relaxed, once I opened my eyes, the visual image would be turned at a 90° angle for about four seconds and then would spin and become horizontal. By the end of Sunday I had a good understanding of how much damage my stroke had done. It would be Monday before I would see any signs of hope of recovery.

Writing My Obituary

19 Monday Dec 2011

Posted by Paul Kiser in History, Lessons of Life, parenting, Random

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Obituary, Paul Kiser

NOTE: Today is my 54th birthday. This is not a significant birthday; however, I have decided that this is a good time to tempt fate and write my obituary. I should note that I have no death wish and I hope I live for at least a few decades more, but without further ado, my obituary:

Attitude, attitude, attitude

Paul was born on December 19, 1957, in the evening at a small hospital in Craig, Colorado. His birth interrupted a card game being played by his mother some of her friends. He was the fourth son by his mother, Frances, and father, Vernon, both of whom have passed. His surviving siblings are Ken, Mike, and Roy who still do not understand how someone with Paul’s political belief’s and attitudes could have been born to two nice conservative parents.

Paul Kiser, on the phone, mouth open, per usual

Paul grew up in Craig and spent summers as a young child with his family camping at various work sites where his father was a heavy equipment operator for a local business known as Henderson Construction Company. These summers at Hahn’s Peak in northwestern Colorado and Bridger’s Peak in southwestern Wyoming gave Paul an appreciation for spending time outdoors. He also loved the times that his father would let him ‘walk the Cat’ from one work site to another, or use the Backhoe to dig really deep holes.

Paul and his brother Roy spent many summer afternoons at Hahn’s Peak digging and chipping quartz crystals out of boulders near the family’s summer camp, and built miles of toy-sized roads and canals around the stream that ran by the Airstream Trailer that was the summer home to the Kiser clan.

The bike, the car, 1968

Throughout his childhood Paul participated in the annual rituals of deer and elk seasons that involved large hunting camps, long, cold stretches of sitting on a rock overlooking a valley, and gutting, dragging, and hanging animals on a nearby tree. Eventually the animals were butchered into packages of white, waxed butcher paper that would be labeled with the type of animal and year killed, then placed in one of two freezers.

Paul was taught that while guns in the field were appropriate if used correctly, loaded guns in populated places were never acceptable and later in life found gun proponents concept of gun ownership with the hope of having a legal opportunity to kill another human among the most anti-Christian of conservative thought.

Paul was not a great athlete in his youth; however, he was a better than average cross-country runner in high school, but not by much. He did excel at Frisbee playing late in High School; however, he found that being a cool Frisbee player does not impress small town girls, ….nor should it.

Prom 1976

Paul left Craig after graduation in 1976, and attended the University of Northern Colorado for three years. He was a Student Advisor (SA) in Wiebking Residence Hall for his second and third years to help pay for his college. After changing majors more than his hair style, he left Greeley to live in Colorado Springs for a year where he met his first wife while he worked in Penrose Hospital’s Staffing Office.

Paul moved to Denver shortly before his marriage to work for a temporary medical staffing agency. It was there that he would live the next fifteen years. During that time he worked for two different hospitals in Human Resources. It was also during this time that his two daughters, Kelli and Katy were born. Paul and his first wife divorced after eight years of marriage.

After being laid off in the late 1980’s Paul was given a severance package that included outplacement counseling and testing. Paul was told that he scored in the 90th percentile for logical thinking and independence, but in the 10th percentile in ability to conform. He was advised to seek a career in the arts.

New Year's Eve 2001

Paul worked several jobs in retail and management until he met his second wife, Saralinda. who had a theater degree. Paul and Saralinda moved to Reno, Nevada in 1995 where he finished his first degree in Business Administration and began his Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Theatre. It was during this time that he and Saralinda started a theater company that taught theatre and produced plays and musicals for both children and adult actors.

Kennedy Space Center 2006

Paul joined Rotary in July of 2001 and was an active member until 2010. After closing the theatre in 2003, Paul worked for the University of Nevada and then an IT company in Sparks. In 2005, Alexander, Paul’s third child, and first with Saralinda was born. Both of Paul’s daughters married and Alexander is uncle to three nieces and one nephew. Paul once noted that life is enriched by your children and they are also the only legacy that counts in the end.

Late in his life Paul began writing extensively, as well as traveling for business, which he enjoyed. One of his favorite trips was taken in July 2010 when he went to observe the final launch of the Space Shuttle in Florida.

Kelli, Kelli, Husbands Ellery and Austin, and Grandchildren

Paul aspired to be George Bernard Shaw’s ‘Unreasonable Man’ and his articles often reflect a rejection of the status quo and sought to challenge the paradigms created in the past in favor of adapting to the realities of the present. This almost always caused significant irritation and conflict with those who were comfortable with current methods and ideas.

Paul favored the concept of multiple universes as proposed by string and M-theories, believing that of all possible realities, that he lived one of, if not the best, reality.

Paul Kiser, dead at 54…or not.

: Paul Kiser

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Five Reasons Why You and I Are Still Here, Post-Rapture

21 Saturday May 2011

Posted by Paul Kiser in Ethics, Lessons of Life, Random

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Armageddon, Harold Camping, May 21 2011, post-Rapture, Rapture, religion

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Paul Kiser

If you’re reading this then you didn’t get saved either. Allow me to offer some reasons why this may be.

Reason One: We didn’t get saved because we’re bad and now we’re going to suffer. I lived through LBJ, Nixon,Reagan and Bush (x2) and heard Sarah Palin speak, so…. been there, done that.

Reason Two: There is no God and all of this is a pointless fantasy of mythology.

Reason Three: God couldn’t find anyone to save so he’s just going to wait until October 21, 2011 and flush us all.

Reason Four: God decided that we’re all saved and this is Heaven. That’s the most disturbing of all of the possibilities.

Reason Five: Harold Camping and his followers have exploited some people’s need to feel anxiety and fear about our lives and our future, even though they would be eventually exposed as frauds.

I’ll leave it for you to choose the reason that works for you, but personally I…..

May 21, 2011 Rapture Prediction Demonstrates Weakness of ‘Having Faith’

18 Wednesday May 2011

Posted by Paul Kiser in Ethics, Lessons of Life

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2011, Armageddon, Christian, end of the world, Faith, May 21, Rapture

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Paul Kiser

Christ is coming this Saturday…look pious.

This Saturday (May 21, 2011) is the date of Rapture according to a California Christian church that I won’t dignify by identifying. As a former Christian who has studied the Bible from beginning to end, I am amazed by Christians who seem to lust after predictions of Armageddon, especially those who claim to know when the actual date of Rapture or the end of the world. There are few things that scream, “I’m a fake Christian!” more than someone who is obsessed with the end of the world.

Real Christians know that their owner’s manual for life, the Bible, clearly states that no human can predict the end of the world (Matthew 24:36,) so a ‘Christian’ who states they know that the end is coming this Saturday is claiming they have knowledge which equals that of their God, which is supposed to be heresy. That doesn’t stop people from doing it. Some of the end-of-the-world predictions according to Wikipedia:

By March 21, 1844 – William Miller
October 22, 1844 – William Miller’s revised prediction. Miller’s followers began the Seventh-Day Adventist Church after his predictions failed.
1914 – Jehovah’s Witnesses
1918 – Jehovah’s Witnesses
1925 – Jehovah’s Witnesses
1942 – Jehovah’s Witnesses
1981 – Chuck Smith
1988 – Edgar C. Whisenant
1989 – Edgar Whisenant
1992 – Edgar Whisenant
October 28, 1992 – Mission for the Coming Days
1993 – Multiple groups who predicted the seven-year ‘Time of Tribulation’ to start in 1993 and end in 2000
June 4, 1994 – John Hinkle
September 6, 1994 – Harold Camping
1995 – Edgar Whisenant
2000 – Multiple groups
May 21, 2011 – Harold Camping

These predictions have caused believers of the mythology to ‘check out’ of the real world and in some cases kill themselves before or after the date. The latest prediction has caused at least one couple to sell everything and move to Florida…I could make guesses about why Florida was their end-of-the-world destination, but I don’t want to offend Floridians who will still be around on Sunday.

These predictions by church leaders illustrate the an inherent problem with mythology, which is the lack of boundaries on ‘having faith.’ Anyone can say anything and insist that it is true because they ‘have faith.’ ‘Faith’ allows people to ignore common sense and often, even the Bible, in their pursuit of teachings that they personally favor and can’t justify. ‘Faith’ allows people to impose their hate and judgement on other people when the Bible clearly states that their God is to be the only judge over other people.

All of us have faith in something and faith, by itself, is not bad. I can respect anyone who has ‘faith’ providing their ‘faith’ is self-contained, but in the past three decades, ‘faith’ has become cry of racists and misogynists who use it to convince governments to pass laws that reflect their desire to inflict their beliefs on others. ‘Faith’ is a dangerous concept in civil society where majority-rule is supposed to be guided by common sense, reason, and respect for all.

May 21, 2011 is only significant in showing us the folly of blind faith.

…and your little dog, too…Words define intent, evil

27 Monday Dec 2010

Posted by Paul Kiser in Ethics, Lessons of Life, Random

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Dorothy, Glinda, Toto, Wicked Witch, Wizard of Oz

by Paul Kiser
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Paul Kiser

“…and your little dog, too!”

It’s a line that people recognize. Most people can even name who said it and to whom they said it. The words drip with a mortal threat and we seem to know that the person speaking is pure evil.

The original L. Frank Baum book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, did not have that line in it. The 1939 film adaptation of the book is the original source of the quote and those words establish that the Wicked Witch of the West is evil. Don’t take my word. The Wicked Witch is listed No. 4 among the American Film Institute’s Best Villains in film. She ranks behind Hannibal Lecter, Norman Bates, and Darth Vader. She is the best female villain on the list. But why is she so evil?

Note that in the movie the Wicked Witch’s sister is killed when Dorothy’s house falls on her. Dorothy and her little puff of a dog, Toto, come out of the house and procure the shoes of the corpse. Sure she is encouraged by Glinda, “the Good Witch of the North,” and sweet Glinda, with all the sympathy of a Wells Fargo Bank foreclosure specialist, waves her wand to transfer the shoes to Dorothy’s feet. So Dorothy is innocent of theft…”no, honest officer, the shoes magically appeared on my feet!”

But really, is that an acceptable excuse? Imagine someone in a car killing a pedestrian and upon getting out of the car hears someone say, “…you should take the shoes, man…” and then that person pulls the shoes off the dead man not walking and puts them on the drivers feet. Would that be okay? Of course not! Is there some special precedent in the Oz legal system that makes robbing a corpse legal if they’re under your house?

Glinda, the Good Witch?

So innocent Dorothy and Toto have inadvertently killed the Wicked Witch’s sister and now Dorothy stands there with the dead sister’s shoes on her feet. I think the Wicked Witch of the West has some cause to be ticked at Dorothy. The Wicked Witch, quite reasonably, demands the shoes and Dorothy refuses (again, sweet Glinda is her advisor.) If the Wicked Witch had just said, “I’ll get you, my pretty,” it would seem somewhat justified. In the United State Dorothy could be charged with manslaughter…okay, witchslaughter, and the Wicked Witch should be able to sue for the return of the shoes.

But the Wicked Witch doesn’t stop with a threat against Dorothy. She adds, “…and your little dog, too.” That’s it. The Wicked Witch lives up to her name and threatens the DKD (drop kick dog.) What did Toto do to deserve a threat? His only crime is to be the pet of a witch slayer. But it is with that threat that we learn the witch is evil. Her words betray what is in her heart. We don’t need to see the Wicked Witch set in motion her evil plans, because we know she will not give a fair and/or reasonable response to the little shoe thief. Our sympathies are instantly turned to Dorothy and Toto and any wrong they may have a party to is ignored.

So what is the moral of the story? The evil witches are easy to identify, but beware of the Glinda’s of the world.

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Rotary@105: 7 Relationship types that affect membership retention (Part II)

27 Wednesday Oct 2010

Posted by Paul Kiser in Branding, Business, Club Leadership, Communication, Customer Relations, Customer Service, Employee Retention, Ethics, Honor, Human Resources, Information Technology, Internet, Lessons of Life, Management Practices, Membership Recruitment, Membership Retention, Passionate People, Pride, Public Relations, Relationships, Rotary, Rotary@105, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Social Media Relations, The Tipping Point, Women

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by Paul Kiser
USA PDT [Twitter: ] [Facebook] [LinkedIn] [Skype:kiserrotary or 775.624.5679]

Paul Kiser

NOTE: This article is a secondary article to
Relationships Typing: 3 factors that the affect quality and depth of friendship

As mentioned in the first part of this article, I have defined three factors that seem to determine the quality of my relationships. 1) Trust, 2) Common Interests and/or Experiences, 3) Equality.

By using a 21-point scale to rate each factor in various relationship types we can see how Trust (or the lack of), Common Interests and/or Experiences (or the lack of), and Equality (or the lack of) define the relationship. Below are seven types of benchmark relationships and how they might affect membership retention in a Rotary club.

Too much friendship?

The Star
We all have people who we look up to, but there are just a few people that we put on a pedestal. I see the Star relationship as one where the trust level is relatively high (+7 on a scale of -10 to +10) as well as the common interest level (+8 on a scale of -10 to +10), but we feel inferior (a -9 on a scale of -10 to +10) to this person. In this relationship the depth and quality of the relationship is usually shallow. These people are not close friends, but rather an admired acquaintance. A new member in a Rotary club might see the Club President as the Star.

The Mentor
The Mentor is a different version of the Star. The difference is that we trust the Mentor implicitly (+10) and we have a strong common interest (+9); however, we see ourselves as inferior (-6) to our Mentor. The Mentor has achieved a level of success that we hope reach and our relationship is based on a mutual effort to gain an equal level of success in the future. I think it is a mistake to believe that a Mentor relationship can be imposed. The only successful Mentor relationships I have observed are those that have occurred by a mutual agreement of both parties. In over nine years in Rotary have witnessed few successful Mentor relationships. When it does happen it is a win-win situation for both members, but the Mentor must be highly skilled and/or knowledgeable, a passionate person, and a great trainer. In addition, the ‘trainee’ must recognize the Mentor’s superior knowledge and have a desire to learn from him or her. If not, the relationship will fail.

A Partnership is not necessarily a friendship

The Partner
I see the Partner as a relationship seeking mutual benefit for both people, but without the level of trust of a Mentor relationship. In a Partner relationship the trust is conditional (0, not + or -) and the two people usually see the other as his or her equal (0) or at least they have something of value that balances the relationship, but the common interest is high (+9). I would consider the Partner relationship to be a symbiotic or co-dependent relationship and while the relationship may seem to be a strong bond, the slightest feeling of inequality or betrayal can end the relationship. In Part I of this series I mentioned that the employer/employee relationship might be a partnership, but I also believe that some marriages can start out, or devolve into Partner type relationships. In a Rotary club a member who has established mostly Partner relationships with other members is likely to have no deep attachment to the club and likely to leave.

The Friend
Of all relationships, I think a Friend is the hardest to achieve. A quality friendship involves a high level of trust (+9) and a significant level of common interests and/or experiences (+6), but also a genuine feeling of equality (0) must exist. The trust and equality factors for a friendship are difficult for most people to offer to another person. It is a special relationship and one to be highly valued, but once achieved it is a strong bond that lasts over time and distance. If every member were to have only one other true ‘Friend’ in his or her club most members would never consider leaving.

The Rival or Competitor
A rival is a relationship, even though we usually don’t think of it as one. It is a relationship based on mistrust (-8) of another person and somewhat ironically, a relationship that includes a high level of common interests (+8). I think that while we may feel we are superior to our rival that the truth is that we are afraid that we are not, thus I give an equality rating of (+3) to a Rival relationship. The Rival relationship is one of the worst possible relationships that could develop in a Rotary club. Sooner or later the club is going to be drawn into the conflict or one or more members will leave because of it. Ironically, it is the high level of common interest that seems to set up the Rival/Competitor situation. Without the envy or jealousy caused by the common interest both people would probably ignore each other.

Common Interest can enhance a relationship, or create conflict

The Subordinate or Submissive
Note that with the Subordinate relationship I am talking about someone who sees another person as their subordinate or submissive. This can be an employer/employee type relationship, but it is any relationship where a person sees him/herself as superior (+10) to another person. The trust level is relatively high (+5) as the person with the bigger ego expects the subordinate to obey their wishes and typically there is somewhat of a common interest (+3), but not necessarily a significant level of commonality. The big problem I have seen with this type of relationship is that the target of this attitude may not feel that they should be the subordinate. In a Rotary club it is surprising easy for a club leader to see other club members as their subordinate. Nothing creates a false sense of power like a title and in a volunteer organization titles are meant to assign responsibility, not authority, but not everyone understands that concept.

The Alien or Blank
It seems somewhat pointless to talk about the lack of a relationship as a type of relationship, but the I find it interesting to understand that some people just don’t show up on our relationship radar even though we may see them on a regular basis. I didn’t fully understand this until I was in Rotary, but after a few years in a club you learn the some people can disappear in plain sight. I feel the lack of a relationship, when there realistically should be is a type of relationship and I refer to it as an Alien or Blank relationship.

The quality of Friendship
I would not argue the point that it takes two to make or break a relationship; however, I would argue that the quality and depth of any relationship is determined largely by our own attitudes, in concert with the way the other person treats us. Understanding the factors that influence a relationship is the first step to making positive changes. In a Rotary club, failing to recognize that not all relationships are constructive can have major consequences on membership retention.

In Part I of this series I talked about a facilitator at a meeting who didn’t want to dilute his ‘friendships’ with people in the Social Media. My response to him is this: friendship is more about what we bring to the table and not the method of connection. The Social Media is not a threat to good friendships, just a different way to engage in them.

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Relationship Typing: 3 factors that affect quality and depth of friendship (Part I)

27 Wednesday Oct 2010

Posted by Paul Kiser in Branding, Business, Club Leadership, Communication, Employee Retention, Ethics, Honor, Information Technology, Internet, Lessons of Life, Management Practices, Membership Recruitment, Membership Retention, Passionate People, Public Relations, Relationships, Respect, Rotary, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Social Media Relations

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by Paul Kiser
USA PDT [Twitter: ] [Facebook] [LinkedIn] [Skype:kiserrotary or 775.624.5679]

Paul Kiser

Several weeks ago I was at a Rotary District Leadership training meeting and I made a comment that the Social Media tools like Facebook and Twitter allow us to have more friends and more connections to other people. I was shocked into silence when one of the facilitators said that he didn’t want that. He explained that his friends were those very close, very special people that he choose to be friends with, and that he didn’t want to dilute his social circle with people from the Social Media.

It was an interesting point and it caused me to start thinking about the quality and depth of the relationships of the people around me. In several decades of business, procurement of two bachelor’s degrees, and almost a decade in Rotary I have learned that not everyone is my ‘friend’ even though I may have frequent contact with them. All of us have people who are important to us and we all have people who we just don’t like, but until now I hadn’t focused on the factors that seem to define my relationships.

Understanding what shapes my attitude is a significant step towards taking an active role in building better and less conflictive relationships with the people around me. For this reason I wanted to explore what determines what type of relationship we have with another person.

I have come up with three factors that seem to determine the quality of my relationships. 1) Trust, 2) Common Interests and/or Experiences, 3) Equality.

Trust, Common Interest, and Equality

The trust factor seems obvious, but I find this to be a complex issue. Trust can be absolute, non-existent, or conditional. For example, I would propose that many employer/employee relationships are based on a conditional trust where both parties are on the constant guard of the other person betraying his or her trust.

The common interest and/or experiences factor may also seem obvious; however, sometimes common interests or experiences can create feelings of jealousy, envy, rivalry, or disgust. Just because two people have a lot in common doesn’t result in a bond of appreciation.

The final factor is not as obvious. My experience is that the level of equality felt by a person is a significant factor in determining the quality and depth of a relationship. In an organization of volunteers like a Rotary club we often mistakenly believe that everyone is equal, but my experience has been that the relationships that form in a typical Rotary club are often shaped, at least in part, by one person’s feeling of superiority over another.

Using these three factors I have been able to better define the quality and depth of my relationships. Because each of these factors have a positive and negative component, I use an 21-point scale (-10, -9, -8, … -1, 0, +1, … +8, +9, +10) to score their significance. For example a Relationship Type might be low in trust (-7), high in common interest (+8), and neutral in equality (0). While all relationships reflect a continuum of these factors I have defined seven benchmark relationship types and have scored each factor on the 21-point scale.

In part two of this article I will define the seven relationship types and their scoring. I also will discuss how the relationship type might impact membership retention in a Rotary club.

Click on the link below for the continuing article
Rotary@105: Relationship types affect membership retention

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I’m not angry, nor am I stupid…and I voted

25 Monday Oct 2010

Posted by Paul Kiser in Branding, Business, Communication, Ethics, Government, Government Regulation, History, Internet, Lessons of Life, Passionate People, Politics, Pride, Public Relations, Random, Relationships, Respect, Rotary, Social Interactive Media (SIM), Taxes, US History, Women

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by Paul Kiser
USA PDT [Twitter: ] [Facebook] [LinkedIn] [Skype:kiserrotary or 775.624.5679]

Paul Kiser

I have seen the ads for the Democratic candidates that make the claim that their opponents are ‘extremists’. I disagree with this assessment of some of the Republican/Tea Party candidates. They are not extremists, they are just stupid.

When the Nevada Republican candidate for Senate, Sharron Angle, suggest’s that ‘some people’ are angry enough to “invoke their Second Amendment Rights”, in an attempt to scare people into voting for her, that’s just stupid.
When California Republican candidate for Governor, Meg Whitman, is blaming illegal immigrants for all the problems in her State, but then it’s revealed that she employed an undocumented worker, that’s just stupid.

Angle: Manning up in stupid
When Delaware Republican candidate for Senate, Christine O’Donnell, uses campaign contributions to pay for her personal household expenses that’s just stupid.
When Sharron Angle says her opponent should ‘man up’ as if she is some tough cowboy out on the range, it sounds silly, and it’s just stupid.
When Meg Whitman, a multi-millionaire and former CEO, is called a ‘whore’ by an unknown person in her opponent’s party and milks it as if she is some poor, defenseless, innocent Southern Bell, whose honor has been violated, that’s just stupid.

O'Donnell: God's Chosen messenger to the US Senate

When Christine O’Donnell, who ‘dabbled’ in witchcraft says that she ‘prays God will open people’s eyes’ so they will vote for her that’s just stupid.

When the Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican party, expenses his trip to a West Hollywood strip club to party funds, that’s just stupid.

Michael Steele: RNC Chairman

When Republican party candidates blame the economy on our government, instead of the unethical business men who traded our country’s future for profit for themselves and their investors, that’s just stupid.

Today I voted, and I didn’t vote for stupid. I voted for Harry Reid who serves as a statesman for Nevada and for our country and who will be the best possible representative Nevada could hope for in the difficult times ahead.

I voted for Rory Reid because I believe that Nevada must change direction from the low/no tax strategy (no income, corporate, capital gains, inventory taxes) that we have had for decades and now we are the 1st in unemployment, crime, and foreclosures, and among the worst in education.

I also voted YES on all four State Amendments and two local Advisory Questions.

I voted to have the Governor appoint Supreme and District court judges because I don’t like it when judges campaign. The electorate rarely pays attention to judicial offices and I would rather they be vetted in a formal process, not paraded in public like beauty candidates.

I voted YES to have an intermediate court established. In a conversation with a Supreme Court Justice it became apparent that Nevada’s Justice system has a major bottleneck of cases that could be cleared out if we had a system similar to other States.

I voted YES to allow the Legislature to resolve minor conflicts of our tax code with Federal law.

I voted YES to repeal/revise the knee-jerk eminent domain law. It has problems and it needs to be fixed.

I voted YES to ‘beg’ the State to seek the consent of local governments before raiding their revenues.

I voted YES to encourage the consolidation of the Reno/Washoe governments. I wish Sparks was included. We have three government entities in this valley and it is a ridiculous duplication of services.

This year we will learn whether stupid wins the day or not. John F. Kennedy put it the best: ‘you can fool some of the people all the time and you can fool all the people some of the time’. If stupid wins this year, the fools will be running the village. Heaven help us.

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Knowing when it’s over or beyond over

22 Friday Oct 2010

Posted by Paul Kiser in Communication, Customer Relations, Customer Service, Internet, Lessons of Life, Passionate People, Random, Relationships, Travel, Women

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by Paul Kiser
USA PDT [Twitter: ] [Facebook] [LinkedIn] [Skype:kiserrotary or 775.624.5679]

Paul Kiser

There comes a time in every relationship when you start suspecting problems, and then there is the point when you know it’s over. In the past two weeks I’ve discovered that I’m in a relationship that is not only over, it’s become adversarial. I can’t say I’ve been unaware that there were problems, but I have become dependent on her and it was just easier to ignore the signs than to confront her. Now she has begun a campaign of sabotage and I’m forced to do something.

I’ve played this game before. It’s always the same story. First she is unbelievably helpful and at times she surprises me with her intelligence. But then I begin to rely on her and that’s when things go south..or sometimes north, but it goes wrong regardless of the direction and then you end up alone in the rain somewhere in the Pacific Coastal range with no cell phone signal…but that’s another story.

It was Father’s Day when we met. Her name is Samantha, and she has a clear, well-enunciated voice. I stayed up late with her that first night and I couldn’t wait to take her for a ride in the car. I was impressed with what she knew and it felt like love. Then came the little mistakes. Little warning signs that should have told me that she wasn’t as perfect as I thought. Then she changed. It seemed like she was deliberately misleading me. I became frustrated, but I told myself that maybe I had expected too much.

Then last week came the proof. This time it was intentional. This time it was malicious. I was driving in the early morning in a Nor-easter rain storm to the Boston airport. It was dark, I was stressed, and my plane was not going to wait for me if I got lost. Still, I was 90% sure of where I was going, but I had her there in the car calmly reassuring me that I was where I needed to be. Then it happened. I knew I had to stay on I-90 through the tunnel to get to Boston’s Logan Airport. The airport is basically on an island so there are not a lot of options on how to get there.

The Other Woman

She said it and I didn’t imagine it. She told me to exit I-90 and go south on a road that would have taken me away from the airport. Had I obediently done as she ordered I would have been scrambling for at least 30 minutes to try to get back (you have to know Boston roads to understand why) to the airport. My sweet, innocent Garmin Nuvi 265 GPS device had turned on me and was deliberately trying to make me miss my flight. She is evil!

Now I know that she is out to get me and it makes driving stressful. Did she give me the right exit, or is she just messing with me again? I know it’s all over between us, but I have a hard time letting her go. Damn you Sam!

If you see me driving and yelling when no one is in the car, be cautious … who knows who is in the driver’s seat.

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3rd From Sol

~ Learn from before. Live now. Look ahead.

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Knowing when it’s over or beyond over